29-03-YC121
It appears Liana has the most extraordinary news, which I must admit I had never expected to hear. She has, for the time being, sworn me to the utmost secrecy, and I cannot say I blame her; after all, such news will undoubtedly change her life! I am happy for her, I truly am, and honoured by the responsible future role she has offered me - which I shall give serious consideration to - but I cannot but help feel the faintest twinge of jealousy. Weak of me, I know, but for such a momentous event to happen to one so young and inexperienced, whereas others, far more prepared and, dare I say it, suited to the role, still await to be so blessed.
Ah, but I do not begrudge dear, sweet Liana, and I am sure my time will come soon enough, perhaps sooner than I expect, now that I have found Constantin and our Love grows stronger by the day.
I will think on Liana's kind proposal, though before I give an answer, there are certain other commitments and positions I must consider.
28-03-YC121
I write this sat in my room again, back in Nakri. It is so strange to be here without Constantin. That the rest of the house is so quiet still, with only Mama and Felix and the staff here, makes it seem even emptier. I walked into my room and saw on my dressing-table one of the roses Constantin sent me, and was overcome with such an overwhelming sense of emptiness that I cried for almost an hour. I will rein in my emotions before returning to duty, of course, but it is better I let my feelings out, in private, first, that I may then focus on what is required of me.
He was making breakfast when I awoke this morning, and brought it through for me in bed. How sweet. No-one has ever done such a thing before, it was quite novel, if a little strange. We then talked of many things, but mostly about seeing one another again, before making love one last time. He is so tender and gentle, considerate, yet passionate. I close my eyes even now and I can feel him, his kisses on my body, his strong arms holding me as close as possible, the muscles of his body moving under my legs wrapped around him, until... oh, but that sweet moment!
I must push such thought to the back of my mind, save them for when I am off-duty, and have time to myself. My focus now must be on our continued efforts against the multitude of enemies that stand against us. As Constantin tends so diligently to his duties, as I must to mine. I had hoped to be deployed to Aridia, but, alas, it would appear there is unlikely to be any more action there. That is fortunate for those people still left there, and no doubt our foes will rear there heads elsewhere, and we must be ready.
I have also neglected my exercises - or at least my usual ones - and must return to that routine. I shall make sure I visit the gym hall before leaving for Mehatoor. It shall help me focus also, for I must be prepared physically and mentally. I have so much more to fight for and defend now. So much more.
I write this sat in my room again, back in Nakri. It is so strange to be here without Constantin. That the rest of the house is so quiet still, with only Mama and Felix and the staff here, makes it seem even emptier. I walked into my room and saw on my dressing-table one of the roses Constantin sent me, and was overcome with such an overwhelming sense of emptiness that I cried for almost an hour. I will rein in my emotions before returning to duty, of course, but it is better I let my feelings out, in private, first, that I may then focus on what is required of me.
He was making breakfast when I awoke this morning, and brought it through for me in bed. How sweet. No-one has ever done such a thing before, it was quite novel, if a little strange. We then talked of many things, but mostly about seeing one another again, before making love one last time. He is so tender and gentle, considerate, yet passionate. I close my eyes even now and I can feel him, his kisses on my body, his strong arms holding me as close as possible, the muscles of his body moving under my legs wrapped around him, until... oh, but that sweet moment!
I must push such thought to the back of my mind, save them for when I am off-duty, and have time to myself. My focus now must be on our continued efforts against the multitude of enemies that stand against us. As Constantin tends so diligently to his duties, as I must to mine. I had hoped to be deployed to Aridia, but, alas, it would appear there is unlikely to be any more action there. That is fortunate for those people still left there, and no doubt our foes will rear there heads elsewhere, and we must be ready.
I have also neglected my exercises - or at least my usual ones - and must return to that routine. I shall make sure I visit the gym hall before leaving for Mehatoor. It shall help me focus also, for I must be prepared physically and mentally. I have so much more to fight for and defend now. So much more.
27-03-YC121
Oh, how I shall miss the little ones when my shore leave ends. Can it really be so soon as tomorrow that I must return? I have spent most of today around the medical facility, talking with the survivors and refugees, singing songs and telling stories to the children, and assisting the medical staff where I am able. Constantin has been very busy in his work, and whilst it is always wonderful to be with him, I must not distract him, as he has so much to do.
The old apartment we have has begun to hold a little domestic atmosphere again. It is sweet, and there is something about it that calls to me. I think it calls to Constantin also. Who knows? Perhaps it is a sign of things to come in the future. I hope we shall not be parted too soon. Our duties must come first, of course, but I know we shall miss one another terribly. How I pray that God shall cause our duties to come together so that we may not be apart quite so much. Yet I must be thankful for what I do have, and I am so very thankful indeed.
I cannot sit writing all evening, at least not for myself. I have promise to write letters for some of the people here, that they may send word to loved ones. It is so pleasant to be of use, to bring some joy to people. I will also spend some more time with the children. I barely have the heart to tell them I must leave again, and I know there shall be tears, no doubt not only from the children. So, I shall try and make the parting a little less painful and have some songs and games with them. Is it selfish to hope that Constantin may catch a glimpse, and perhaps think to himself that I may, in time, make a worthy mother? It is selfish, and so weak of me, and yet I cannot help this thought that comes unbidden into my mind. At least it is much brighter than most unbidden thoughts I have.
Oh, how I shall miss the little ones when my shore leave ends. Can it really be so soon as tomorrow that I must return? I have spent most of today around the medical facility, talking with the survivors and refugees, singing songs and telling stories to the children, and assisting the medical staff where I am able. Constantin has been very busy in his work, and whilst it is always wonderful to be with him, I must not distract him, as he has so much to do.
The old apartment we have has begun to hold a little domestic atmosphere again. It is sweet, and there is something about it that calls to me. I think it calls to Constantin also. Who knows? Perhaps it is a sign of things to come in the future. I hope we shall not be parted too soon. Our duties must come first, of course, but I know we shall miss one another terribly. How I pray that God shall cause our duties to come together so that we may not be apart quite so much. Yet I must be thankful for what I do have, and I am so very thankful indeed.
I cannot sit writing all evening, at least not for myself. I have promise to write letters for some of the people here, that they may send word to loved ones. It is so pleasant to be of use, to bring some joy to people. I will also spend some more time with the children. I barely have the heart to tell them I must leave again, and I know there shall be tears, no doubt not only from the children. So, I shall try and make the parting a little less painful and have some songs and games with them. Is it selfish to hope that Constantin may catch a glimpse, and perhaps think to himself that I may, in time, make a worthy mother? It is selfish, and so weak of me, and yet I cannot help this thought that comes unbidden into my mind. At least it is much brighter than most unbidden thoughts I have.
26-03-YC121
We have managed to find an abandoned apartment to stay in whilst I am here. I hope that the people who actually live here do not mind. I shall write a note to thank them that they shall find when they return, and explain to them that Archbishop Barraca stayed in their home to better fulfill his duties, and that, of course, their home and their possessions were respected. There was also a little food left behind, and I shall leave and ISK chip for them, as recompense.
Constantin is compiling his lists. There is still so much more to do, but I think my company makes the task a little easier. We spent the day together, and I assisted with as much as I could. I had already been up for some time when he awoke this morning, spending time with some of the patients in the facility, talking to them, singing little songs, writing or reading letters. The children in particular were a delight. The poor souls, they have seen far too much tragedy for ones so young, and yet they are so resilient and bright as they still play their games and try to carry on with some sense of normality. Many of them are now orphaned, and I worry what shall become of them. Constantin as spoken of an Order named the Sisters of the Hearth, who look after abandoned and lost children. He suggests even that I might consider joining them. I wonder what such a benevolent Order would make of me, a PIE pilot, trained for war. Speaking of PIE, I did not wear my uniform today, just a simple traditional dress and headscarf. I think this made it much easier for people to relate to me - they have seen enough of uniforms and insignia.
There was one little girl in particular, a sweet delicate thing, with the brightest eyes. She did not speak a word, but she listened to my stories and songs. Constantin found her, the only survivor of her family. She had pretend to be dead, but she must have seen the terrible end of her kith and kin, even her parents. I weep when I think what such a beautiful, innocent child has been through. Constantin says that her only remaining relative, an aunt, has been contacted, and is on her way to Anath. I am glad that she will have someone she knows to keeo her safe, and yet, I cannot quite shake the thought that, had it been possible, I would have liked for Constantin and I to adopt her. I wonder why the thought is so strong?
I also helped My Darling consecrate a cemetary. Such sombre work, but necessary. All I had to do was follow the chants and prayers of the rite, and I was glad to have that to focus on, to take my mind away from the thought that our work would soon be put to its intended use, and soon the bodies would being to be buried. At first it seemed quite a large area, but when I took my last look at it, it appear to me to be worringly small for the amount of departed that must soon fill the entire plot.
Tomorrow will be the last day of my shore-leave, and I have no doubt it shall be filled with more solemn tasks. I will do all I can to leave some light and joy behind me, for all those noble souls who are helping, all the innocents affected, and, of course, most importantly, for My Beloved Constantin.
For tonight, I shall let him work undisturbed, though I shall remain close lest he need me for anything, and before it is too late I will make sure he gets a restful sleep. There are a few things I should collect from the main area whilst he works. Strangely, I have not seen Aldrith today, yet. I do so hope he has given up on whatever caused him to be so interested in Constantin and I.
Later
I have just collected the items we needed, and met Miss Monakh. She mentioned something about Liana, but I did not quite follow what she meant, something about my having given her advice. Perhaps I will have time to talk to her about it another time. I also managed to continue to avoid Adrith, fortunately.
Constantin is still working, and if I do not stop him now, he will work until daylight. How fortunate for his constitution and health that he seems unable to resist my enticements to bed. I think we are both far too tired for anything other than sleep, of course!
We have managed to find an abandoned apartment to stay in whilst I am here. I hope that the people who actually live here do not mind. I shall write a note to thank them that they shall find when they return, and explain to them that Archbishop Barraca stayed in their home to better fulfill his duties, and that, of course, their home and their possessions were respected. There was also a little food left behind, and I shall leave and ISK chip for them, as recompense.
Constantin is compiling his lists. There is still so much more to do, but I think my company makes the task a little easier. We spent the day together, and I assisted with as much as I could. I had already been up for some time when he awoke this morning, spending time with some of the patients in the facility, talking to them, singing little songs, writing or reading letters. The children in particular were a delight. The poor souls, they have seen far too much tragedy for ones so young, and yet they are so resilient and bright as they still play their games and try to carry on with some sense of normality. Many of them are now orphaned, and I worry what shall become of them. Constantin as spoken of an Order named the Sisters of the Hearth, who look after abandoned and lost children. He suggests even that I might consider joining them. I wonder what such a benevolent Order would make of me, a PIE pilot, trained for war. Speaking of PIE, I did not wear my uniform today, just a simple traditional dress and headscarf. I think this made it much easier for people to relate to me - they have seen enough of uniforms and insignia.
There was one little girl in particular, a sweet delicate thing, with the brightest eyes. She did not speak a word, but she listened to my stories and songs. Constantin found her, the only survivor of her family. She had pretend to be dead, but she must have seen the terrible end of her kith and kin, even her parents. I weep when I think what such a beautiful, innocent child has been through. Constantin says that her only remaining relative, an aunt, has been contacted, and is on her way to Anath. I am glad that she will have someone she knows to keeo her safe, and yet, I cannot quite shake the thought that, had it been possible, I would have liked for Constantin and I to adopt her. I wonder why the thought is so strong?
I also helped My Darling consecrate a cemetary. Such sombre work, but necessary. All I had to do was follow the chants and prayers of the rite, and I was glad to have that to focus on, to take my mind away from the thought that our work would soon be put to its intended use, and soon the bodies would being to be buried. At first it seemed quite a large area, but when I took my last look at it, it appear to me to be worringly small for the amount of departed that must soon fill the entire plot.
Tomorrow will be the last day of my shore-leave, and I have no doubt it shall be filled with more solemn tasks. I will do all I can to leave some light and joy behind me, for all those noble souls who are helping, all the innocents affected, and, of course, most importantly, for My Beloved Constantin.
For tonight, I shall let him work undisturbed, though I shall remain close lest he need me for anything, and before it is too late I will make sure he gets a restful sleep. There are a few things I should collect from the main area whilst he works. Strangely, I have not seen Aldrith today, yet. I do so hope he has given up on whatever caused him to be so interested in Constantin and I.
Later
I have just collected the items we needed, and met Miss Monakh. She mentioned something about Liana, but I did not quite follow what she meant, something about my having given her advice. Perhaps I will have time to talk to her about it another time. I also managed to continue to avoid Adrith, fortunately.
Constantin is still working, and if I do not stop him now, he will work until daylight. How fortunate for his constitution and health that he seems unable to resist my enticements to bed. I think we are both far too tired for anything other than sleep, of course!
26-03-YC121
I write this by lamplight in a makeshift medical facility on Anath IV. My darling Constantin lies asleep beside me on a pallet of unused tents, though he is so tired I dare say even the ground would be comfortable.
I had no choice, I must confess. I followed my heart and came here without even trying to seek permission, for I knew I must see him again, I felt that he needed me; and so he did! When I arrived he was so focused on his tasks, compiling the lists of the deceased for The Book of Records, that he did not even notice when I called his name. He even walked away, and did not see me until he turned around and looked directly at me. Oh, I had hoped the sight of me would have lifted his heart, but my brave, noble Constantin broke and wept. He thought I was merely a dream, an apparition, and the fear that I was on the verge of disappearing was too much for him.
I held him as closely as I could, stroked his hair, and soothed him, did I all in my power to prove that I was no figment, but was there before him as real as I could be. Oh, My Darling, what trials have you put yourself through that you should be thus? As you have tended to others, so I shall tend to you.
Then Aldrith gave comment.
I did not even know he was on Anath IV, nor why he should be so! Yet there he was, with his entourage of bodyguards and the strangest smirk on his face, as though he were checking on Constantin and I. I see him now, drifting - no, drifting is not the correct word - stalking, like a predator, through the room, glancing from time to time at the two of us. I cannot fathom his thoughts, and I am sure he must have some reason to be here other that to watch over me, and yet, that sly look he gives me. Is it jealousy? That seems unlikely, for unlike myself, Aldrith is far too self-assured for that base emotion. Judgement, then? Is he deciding whether or not he approves of Constantin and I? If so, I do not think it is his place to say, for my parents have approved, and it is only their opinion that matters. Besides, what is there of Constantin to disapprove of? He is loyal and devoted to God and the Empire, and a valuable member of SFRIM - I hardly think Directrix Aspenstar would have chosen him had she not seen his trustworthiness.
Perhaps Aldrith thinks our relationship has moved too quickly, and I suppose that is true. No doubt others do too, yet I truly believe I have found love of the purest kind. TIme will tell, no doubt. I am happy for now, and I believe Constantin is too, and so long as that remains, then I shall hold it dear. Mama and Papa say that for them it was love at first sight, so I know such things may happen, though so very rarely. Is it too much to dare to hope that the same has come to pass for Constantin and I?
My Love is sleeping soundly - the first time since he left for this place, I suspect. I am tired too. He will feel better in the morning now that I have put him through the shower - it is no doubt fortunate that Aldrith did not see us go into the room together - but I shall let him sleep as long as possible, for he needs to rest. In the morning I shall see what I can do to help here also, for what else can I do but try to repay a little of the Blessings I have been granted by aiding and comforting the people brought to this facility? It is only right. For now, though, I shall curl up in my Constantin's arms. Let Aldrith see us, let him see what True Love looks like.
I write this by lamplight in a makeshift medical facility on Anath IV. My darling Constantin lies asleep beside me on a pallet of unused tents, though he is so tired I dare say even the ground would be comfortable.
I had no choice, I must confess. I followed my heart and came here without even trying to seek permission, for I knew I must see him again, I felt that he needed me; and so he did! When I arrived he was so focused on his tasks, compiling the lists of the deceased for The Book of Records, that he did not even notice when I called his name. He even walked away, and did not see me until he turned around and looked directly at me. Oh, I had hoped the sight of me would have lifted his heart, but my brave, noble Constantin broke and wept. He thought I was merely a dream, an apparition, and the fear that I was on the verge of disappearing was too much for him.
I held him as closely as I could, stroked his hair, and soothed him, did I all in my power to prove that I was no figment, but was there before him as real as I could be. Oh, My Darling, what trials have you put yourself through that you should be thus? As you have tended to others, so I shall tend to you.
Then Aldrith gave comment.
I did not even know he was on Anath IV, nor why he should be so! Yet there he was, with his entourage of bodyguards and the strangest smirk on his face, as though he were checking on Constantin and I. I see him now, drifting - no, drifting is not the correct word - stalking, like a predator, through the room, glancing from time to time at the two of us. I cannot fathom his thoughts, and I am sure he must have some reason to be here other that to watch over me, and yet, that sly look he gives me. Is it jealousy? That seems unlikely, for unlike myself, Aldrith is far too self-assured for that base emotion. Judgement, then? Is he deciding whether or not he approves of Constantin and I? If so, I do not think it is his place to say, for my parents have approved, and it is only their opinion that matters. Besides, what is there of Constantin to disapprove of? He is loyal and devoted to God and the Empire, and a valuable member of SFRIM - I hardly think Directrix Aspenstar would have chosen him had she not seen his trustworthiness.
Perhaps Aldrith thinks our relationship has moved too quickly, and I suppose that is true. No doubt others do too, yet I truly believe I have found love of the purest kind. TIme will tell, no doubt. I am happy for now, and I believe Constantin is too, and so long as that remains, then I shall hold it dear. Mama and Papa say that for them it was love at first sight, so I know such things may happen, though so very rarely. Is it too much to dare to hope that the same has come to pass for Constantin and I?
My Love is sleeping soundly - the first time since he left for this place, I suspect. I am tired too. He will feel better in the morning now that I have put him through the shower - it is no doubt fortunate that Aldrith did not see us go into the room together - but I shall let him sleep as long as possible, for he needs to rest. In the morning I shall see what I can do to help here also, for what else can I do but try to repay a little of the Blessings I have been granted by aiding and comforting the people brought to this facility? It is only right. For now, though, I shall curl up in my Constantin's arms. Let Aldrith see us, let him see what True Love looks like.
24-03-YC121
Later
I worry for my darling Constantin. He writes of his duties in Anath, and of how difficult they are. I think he is not sleeping properly, and such work is weighing heavily upon him. His pure, kind soul is not for such things, but I know he is strong and brave, and his worries that he shall be changed in some dark, unhappy way are for nought. I shall do all I can to lift his spirits and cheer him. I know I am so low and unworthy of his love, for my soul is troubled and impure, the taint of Darkness as is within it. Yet I must be strong for my love, and push all worries and doubts, all the pain and sorrow that lies within, as far down as I can. I must be nothing but joy and happiness for My Star, for that is what he deserves.
I pray that I am strong enough, but I cannot deny that at night, when I am alone, the doubts pound and race through my head, and it grows difficult to shut them out. I strive to resist the comforts of old, the sharp sting of my Old Friend that has always served so well to ground and stabilise me. I have enough scars and wounds across my body, and though Dear, Sweet Constantin has never called them ugly, or shown signs of disgust at such marks of weakness, there must surely come a time when even his wonderful patience must expire. So, strong I must be, no matter how difficult the struggle. I must not be weak.
Captain Daphiti has sent a message - I am ordered to take 72 hours shore leave, in apparent recognition of my hard work! I must confess I do not understand in the slightest. First Lady Newelle's invitation, then this order. I have done nothing of any signifance of which I am aware, so why such attention. What shall I do with 72 hours? I know what I wish to do - I wish to see My Love, My Sun, but he is in Anath, an active operations theatre. Surely I am supposed to stay away from anywhere there may be action; but then, my heart so yearns to be with him for even the most fleeting of moments. Perhaps I should ask Captain Daphiti for permission to travel there? She may think me foolish, but duty must come first, even before my own emotions, feelings, and desires. If it does not, if I act selfishly, then I prove only that I am not truly worthy of the Love of such a wonderful man as my Constantin.
Later
I worry for my darling Constantin. He writes of his duties in Anath, and of how difficult they are. I think he is not sleeping properly, and such work is weighing heavily upon him. His pure, kind soul is not for such things, but I know he is strong and brave, and his worries that he shall be changed in some dark, unhappy way are for nought. I shall do all I can to lift his spirits and cheer him. I know I am so low and unworthy of his love, for my soul is troubled and impure, the taint of Darkness as is within it. Yet I must be strong for my love, and push all worries and doubts, all the pain and sorrow that lies within, as far down as I can. I must be nothing but joy and happiness for My Star, for that is what he deserves.
I pray that I am strong enough, but I cannot deny that at night, when I am alone, the doubts pound and race through my head, and it grows difficult to shut them out. I strive to resist the comforts of old, the sharp sting of my Old Friend that has always served so well to ground and stabilise me. I have enough scars and wounds across my body, and though Dear, Sweet Constantin has never called them ugly, or shown signs of disgust at such marks of weakness, there must surely come a time when even his wonderful patience must expire. So, strong I must be, no matter how difficult the struggle. I must not be weak.
Captain Daphiti has sent a message - I am ordered to take 72 hours shore leave, in apparent recognition of my hard work! I must confess I do not understand in the slightest. First Lady Newelle's invitation, then this order. I have done nothing of any signifance of which I am aware, so why such attention. What shall I do with 72 hours? I know what I wish to do - I wish to see My Love, My Sun, but he is in Anath, an active operations theatre. Surely I am supposed to stay away from anywhere there may be action; but then, my heart so yearns to be with him for even the most fleeting of moments. Perhaps I should ask Captain Daphiti for permission to travel there? She may think me foolish, but duty must come first, even before my own emotions, feelings, and desires. If it does not, if I act selfishly, then I prove only that I am not truly worthy of the Love of such a wonderful man as my Constantin.
24-03-YC121
Today saw a most unexpected honour. I was invited to attend Lady Newelle's Court, for a very important, and very exclusive, meeting. I cannot really fathom exactly why I was invited, given the small number of other attendees were people of such moment. The Lord Consort was there, of course, and Alizabeth, the Marshall Protector - whom I recently have been so blessed as to able to call my friend - and Commander Kley. Also present was Chujo Katrina Oniseki, a most valuable ally of ours. I was certainly amongst elevated company!
Chujo Oniseki brought some beautiful gifts for Lady Newelle, and it seems she has great power and influence. Indeed, the main reason for this small gathering was exactly around how PIE might make use of such a well-connected ally in ensure the protection of the Empire. Certainly some very interesting plans were formulated. To be privy to such discussions - it shows the trust that Lady Newelle must have in me, for which I am very grateful, though I feel I have done nothing to warrant such attention.
Commander Kley was named as Mentor to Lady and Lord Consort Newelle son. I can think of no-one better suited to the role, of course, and I am sure the young man will grow up well versed in all manner of education that befits his future role. I think that Commander Kley was quite surprised at being so singled out, but I do not see why - she is such an shining example of a faithful and dutiful retainer that it is only right she be so highly rewarded. Aldrith also hinted that others may be in line to have similarly great honours bestowed upon them. Strangely, he looked directly at me when he said this, with that look in his eye that means he is loading his words with hidden meaning - he has always had a flair for the dramatic - but he surely cannot have been suggesting one of those individuals would be me. I have done nothing at all. I have won no great victories, nor performed any great feat or service. Indeed, I swear I must often fade into the background, eclipsed by the likes of Lieutenant Lioncourt, Commander Kley, or Captains Elkin and Daphiti. I am sure he must have meant something else by it, but I am too dull-witted to understand what.
Nevertheless, it was a pleasure to be there today, and a great honour, made even greater by Lady Newelle quiet thanks in parting, for services to her House. Of course, she means looking after Aldrith that time. Oh dear, I think she would not be thanking me so readily were she to have known my thoughts and desires on that night. Ah, but they are surely laid to rest now.
Today saw a most unexpected honour. I was invited to attend Lady Newelle's Court, for a very important, and very exclusive, meeting. I cannot really fathom exactly why I was invited, given the small number of other attendees were people of such moment. The Lord Consort was there, of course, and Alizabeth, the Marshall Protector - whom I recently have been so blessed as to able to call my friend - and Commander Kley. Also present was Chujo Katrina Oniseki, a most valuable ally of ours. I was certainly amongst elevated company!
Chujo Oniseki brought some beautiful gifts for Lady Newelle, and it seems she has great power and influence. Indeed, the main reason for this small gathering was exactly around how PIE might make use of such a well-connected ally in ensure the protection of the Empire. Certainly some very interesting plans were formulated. To be privy to such discussions - it shows the trust that Lady Newelle must have in me, for which I am very grateful, though I feel I have done nothing to warrant such attention.
Commander Kley was named as Mentor to Lady and Lord Consort Newelle son. I can think of no-one better suited to the role, of course, and I am sure the young man will grow up well versed in all manner of education that befits his future role. I think that Commander Kley was quite surprised at being so singled out, but I do not see why - she is such an shining example of a faithful and dutiful retainer that it is only right she be so highly rewarded. Aldrith also hinted that others may be in line to have similarly great honours bestowed upon them. Strangely, he looked directly at me when he said this, with that look in his eye that means he is loading his words with hidden meaning - he has always had a flair for the dramatic - but he surely cannot have been suggesting one of those individuals would be me. I have done nothing at all. I have won no great victories, nor performed any great feat or service. Indeed, I swear I must often fade into the background, eclipsed by the likes of Lieutenant Lioncourt, Commander Kley, or Captains Elkin and Daphiti. I am sure he must have meant something else by it, but I am too dull-witted to understand what.
Nevertheless, it was a pleasure to be there today, and a great honour, made even greater by Lady Newelle quiet thanks in parting, for services to her House. Of course, she means looking after Aldrith that time. Oh dear, I think she would not be thanking me so readily were she to have known my thoughts and desires on that night. Ah, but they are surely laid to rest now.
20-03-YC121
The house is now so quiet. Nikolai has of course been deployed, and Alexandr has been recalled by Naval Intelligence. Even Father has been summoned to Navy HQ. At least Felix will be able to visit Mama regularly and lift her spirits. She is a proud, strong woman, Mama, but she worries for her family, especially at such times as these. I have also spent a few days at home, but I shall have to return to Mehatoor soon. I had hoped I would be sent to Aridia, but it appears our focus remains primarily on Arzad. I am sure the Admirals are formulating a plan.
Constantin himself is now on Anath. I received a message from him this morning, saying that he had been ordered there by Directrix Aspenstar, to help the people there who have suffered so horribly. From all that he writes, they have been through the most terrible ordeal. The Heretics are more foul and depraved that I had ever realised, and I shall not repeat here the awful scenes of which My Beloved writes. I pray that he returns safely, that God and My Eternal Empress keep him safe from harm. I pray also that the gift I gave him gives him comfort whenever he finds time to rest from his work. My poor Love writes that he is plagued by the most frightening nightmares, so I shall send him thoughts and dreams of my love for him, that may chase away the darkness.
I am so proud of him. How blessed I am to be loved by a man who thinks so completely and selfless of others, who gives all of himself to help those caught in the most dire of circumstances. I know, from his words both written and spoken, how much he loves and cares for me, and yet, he left without a word, whilst I slept next to him, pushing aside his heartache and sorrow, to journey to a lawless region, a place of danger and fear even without being visited by such devestation, to tend to those who need the solace and comfort of God. He thinks nothing of his own wants and desires, only of others, all others, whosoever they may be. He writes that he wants me to be with him, and perhaps, if such orders come, I shall be, but I know that even then our chances to be together will be fleeting, for I must not distract him from his work.
I shall take from his example, strive to make my soul as beautiful as his, though I know it never can be. I shall push away all selfishness. I so desparately want him by my side again, holding me close, but I must trust that such things will come to be in time, when they are meant to be. Until then, I shall follow my orders and do my duty as I should, and send him words of love and encouragement. I shall write to him only of happy things, that I might raise his spirits and give him light in the darkness, as he has brought the light of love to my own Darkness.
My voice is not the most trained in New Eden, but perhaps a little recording of a love song shall bring a smile to his lips? I shall ask Dzerzhinsky to play the tune whilst I sing. I know just the song, and now it is more fitting that ever, for here I am at home, reading the love letters from far away that are sent to me. No longer do I simply share that girl's name!
I pray he returns to me soon, and if he should ask me if we may make our relationship more established, I truly believe I shall say "yes"! Ah, but, Katyusha, put such thoughts away safely for now, to be brought out in better times. You have duties to attend to.
The house is now so quiet. Nikolai has of course been deployed, and Alexandr has been recalled by Naval Intelligence. Even Father has been summoned to Navy HQ. At least Felix will be able to visit Mama regularly and lift her spirits. She is a proud, strong woman, Mama, but she worries for her family, especially at such times as these. I have also spent a few days at home, but I shall have to return to Mehatoor soon. I had hoped I would be sent to Aridia, but it appears our focus remains primarily on Arzad. I am sure the Admirals are formulating a plan.
Constantin himself is now on Anath. I received a message from him this morning, saying that he had been ordered there by Directrix Aspenstar, to help the people there who have suffered so horribly. From all that he writes, they have been through the most terrible ordeal. The Heretics are more foul and depraved that I had ever realised, and I shall not repeat here the awful scenes of which My Beloved writes. I pray that he returns safely, that God and My Eternal Empress keep him safe from harm. I pray also that the gift I gave him gives him comfort whenever he finds time to rest from his work. My poor Love writes that he is plagued by the most frightening nightmares, so I shall send him thoughts and dreams of my love for him, that may chase away the darkness.
I am so proud of him. How blessed I am to be loved by a man who thinks so completely and selfless of others, who gives all of himself to help those caught in the most dire of circumstances. I know, from his words both written and spoken, how much he loves and cares for me, and yet, he left without a word, whilst I slept next to him, pushing aside his heartache and sorrow, to journey to a lawless region, a place of danger and fear even without being visited by such devestation, to tend to those who need the solace and comfort of God. He thinks nothing of his own wants and desires, only of others, all others, whosoever they may be. He writes that he wants me to be with him, and perhaps, if such orders come, I shall be, but I know that even then our chances to be together will be fleeting, for I must not distract him from his work.
I shall take from his example, strive to make my soul as beautiful as his, though I know it never can be. I shall push away all selfishness. I so desparately want him by my side again, holding me close, but I must trust that such things will come to be in time, when they are meant to be. Until then, I shall follow my orders and do my duty as I should, and send him words of love and encouragement. I shall write to him only of happy things, that I might raise his spirits and give him light in the darkness, as he has brought the light of love to my own Darkness.
My voice is not the most trained in New Eden, but perhaps a little recording of a love song shall bring a smile to his lips? I shall ask Dzerzhinsky to play the tune whilst I sing. I know just the song, and now it is more fitting that ever, for here I am at home, reading the love letters from far away that are sent to me. No longer do I simply share that girl's name!
I pray he returns to me soon, and if he should ask me if we may make our relationship more established, I truly believe I shall say "yes"! Ah, but, Katyusha, put such thoughts away safely for now, to be brought out in better times. You have duties to attend to.
18-03-YC121
God Preserve Us All!
News has just broken of the most horrific, vile attack by the Blood Raiders in Anath. They say the entire population of Ca'lik'bar, every man, woman, and child, every living creature, as been taken, who knows where, and God alone knows what hideous fate. It is so so hard to write this through the sting of tears.
My God! Why do You test My Beloved Empire, My Motherland, so sorely? What wickedness have we wrought unthinking, with what failure have we stumbled, that we are beset without and within by the fearsome agents of the Deceiver? What must we do to earn again your Love and Compassion? What must I do?
I shall devote myself as a Weapon of God. As My Eternal Empress named Herself Sword of the Righteous, so shall I be, wielded by my betters. I shall be both Sword and Shield - Sword that our enemies all about shall be laid low, Shield that those I Love, all that I hold dear and cherish, shall be protected.
My Darling Constantin! They shall want me in the new warzone, and I think I shall be parted from you for some time now. I must see you one last time before I go, and so I shall leave for Nakri this very night, that I may be with, lie with you in God's Love, one more time before I must become God's Instrument.
I feel that Darkness within stirring again, awoken by anger and pain. Yet I shall find strength from it, and courage. I am weak and frail, as nothing when compared to Alizabeth, or Aldrith, or any of the officers of PIE or LUMEN, but I shall harness My Shadow, kindle the rage within that it may burn our enemies with its fury, and though I may die a thousand times, a thousand times I shall be reborn, to be reused, until either our enemies or I are no more. Perhaps both.
Yet before this, I shall give a piece of myself to Constantin, that no matter what happens, he shall always have me near. It is but the most pitiful token for the man who is my Everything.
God Preserve Us All!
News has just broken of the most horrific, vile attack by the Blood Raiders in Anath. They say the entire population of Ca'lik'bar, every man, woman, and child, every living creature, as been taken, who knows where, and God alone knows what hideous fate. It is so so hard to write this through the sting of tears.
My God! Why do You test My Beloved Empire, My Motherland, so sorely? What wickedness have we wrought unthinking, with what failure have we stumbled, that we are beset without and within by the fearsome agents of the Deceiver? What must we do to earn again your Love and Compassion? What must I do?
I shall devote myself as a Weapon of God. As My Eternal Empress named Herself Sword of the Righteous, so shall I be, wielded by my betters. I shall be both Sword and Shield - Sword that our enemies all about shall be laid low, Shield that those I Love, all that I hold dear and cherish, shall be protected.
My Darling Constantin! They shall want me in the new warzone, and I think I shall be parted from you for some time now. I must see you one last time before I go, and so I shall leave for Nakri this very night, that I may be with, lie with you in God's Love, one more time before I must become God's Instrument.
I feel that Darkness within stirring again, awoken by anger and pain. Yet I shall find strength from it, and courage. I am weak and frail, as nothing when compared to Alizabeth, or Aldrith, or any of the officers of PIE or LUMEN, but I shall harness My Shadow, kindle the rage within that it may burn our enemies with its fury, and though I may die a thousand times, a thousand times I shall be reborn, to be reused, until either our enemies or I are no more. Perhaps both.
Yet before this, I shall give a piece of myself to Constantin, that no matter what happens, he shall always have me near. It is but the most pitiful token for the man who is my Everything.
17-03-YC121
There is much talk of the Triglavians declaring war, though their recent transmission, broadcast across New Eden, is so full of distorted gibberish, it is impossible to tell what the real message is. Trust some Gallentean tabloid rag and its muckracker pseudo-journalists to sensationalise the most meaningless thing. If they wish to be enemies of Amarr, so be it. We shall stand against them, as we have stood against all others who would have the temerity to threaten us. I would rather, however, if we are to have any dealing with them at all, they stand with us, as allies. They appear to be opposed to those animals the Drifters, and what revenge we could wreak together. Revenge for the Drifters cowardly attack on The Eternal Empress.
He surprised me! Dear, sweet Constantin. How is it that you always find new ways to bring my unexpected delight.
I had gone to the Cafe after the operation, once I had gone through the debrief and had opportunity to freshen up. I had hope the others would be there, but they were not, although Captain Daphiti did make a brief appearance. Constantin must have snuck in whilst I was distracted talking to the Captain. He ever-so-silently came up behind me and put his arms around. A little dangerous, I do not like to think what I would have done had I not quickly realised it was My Love, but oh it was wonderful to see him. He rather spoilt my intentions go back to Nakri and climb into bed with him, but so long as we are reunited, it does not matter where or how.
We talked, after Captain Daphiti left to "clean her ship" (how kind and considerate she is to give us time together - I do so like her), of many things. He told me of his expeditions into Abyssal space! How brave he is, but oh, how I shall now worry for him as much as he worries for me. Then we spoke of things we would like to do, and he asked if I would like to talk a walk beside a sea. A real sea, on a planet! I was so embarrassed to tell him I had never done such a thing. I have been planteside so rarely, and always on formal occassions to military facilities or the estates of important persons, that I have never had the opportunity to just see the natural beauty of a planet for itself. Bless him, he did not laugh or tease. No! He then and there whisked me up and hurried me away to a shuttle.
Very soon we had made the few jumps to Amarr, and landed on Amarr Prime. We ended up at a most exquisite little beachside restaurant, apparently owned and operated by former slaves of My Beloved's family. Strange, I should have known a family of such standing would be Holders, and yet I did not expect it. I think it should an unusual experience for me, to be the wife of a slave-owner, when we have had such little cause in my own family to ever exercise that Right in generations.
Wife? I must not get carried away with such thoughts, pleasant as they are. Silly little cat.
He had the staff move our table into the surf! How exciting it was, yet such an odd sensation to have actual sea waves lapping over my feet and legs. The sea was surprisingly warm, although it took me some time to get accustomed to, and I must have splashed about like a foolish school-girl for what must have seemed an eternity to My Love. He has such patience!
We ate dinner, and then after arranging a room in the attached hotel, we went swimming. We had to get swimwear, although, rather daringly, I tried to persuade Constantin such was not necessary - he quite rightly pointed out that other may have taken objection on the grounds of decency. It was a nice thought. We spent a wonderfully long time in a secluded little area near the hotel, but out of sight, with some small lamps giving us enough light in the darkness of night to see by. He looked to handsome and majestic there, his tattoos even darker against his dark skin, the beads of water glistening across the muscles of his magnificent body, his deep, beautiful, soulful eyes glittering every time the light caught them as he looked at me so lovingly. We made love in the water, rolling with the gentle waves, only the two of us in the entire universe as the moon shone down on our entwined bodies. We then crept back to our room and gave ourselves to each other again.
He is sleeping as I write this. I will have to return to Mehatoor soon, likely before he wakes, as I have another duty cycle in but a few short hours. I shall leave him a little note to ask him to go back to Nakri, and I will meet him there when I am again off duty. We must spend as much time together as we can before his own duties call him away from the Empire. I have a strange, uncomfortable premontion that the next time we part, it may be for some time. I hope it is just the echoes of a nagging doubt, My Darkness deep down inside trying to undermine my confidence, my happiness. Yet I fear it is more than that.
I love you, Constantin, I am in love with you, and my heart, mind, and body I give unto you.
There is much talk of the Triglavians declaring war, though their recent transmission, broadcast across New Eden, is so full of distorted gibberish, it is impossible to tell what the real message is. Trust some Gallentean tabloid rag and its muckracker pseudo-journalists to sensationalise the most meaningless thing. If they wish to be enemies of Amarr, so be it. We shall stand against them, as we have stood against all others who would have the temerity to threaten us. I would rather, however, if we are to have any dealing with them at all, they stand with us, as allies. They appear to be opposed to those animals the Drifters, and what revenge we could wreak together. Revenge for the Drifters cowardly attack on The Eternal Empress.
He surprised me! Dear, sweet Constantin. How is it that you always find new ways to bring my unexpected delight.
I had gone to the Cafe after the operation, once I had gone through the debrief and had opportunity to freshen up. I had hope the others would be there, but they were not, although Captain Daphiti did make a brief appearance. Constantin must have snuck in whilst I was distracted talking to the Captain. He ever-so-silently came up behind me and put his arms around. A little dangerous, I do not like to think what I would have done had I not quickly realised it was My Love, but oh it was wonderful to see him. He rather spoilt my intentions go back to Nakri and climb into bed with him, but so long as we are reunited, it does not matter where or how.
We talked, after Captain Daphiti left to "clean her ship" (how kind and considerate she is to give us time together - I do so like her), of many things. He told me of his expeditions into Abyssal space! How brave he is, but oh, how I shall now worry for him as much as he worries for me. Then we spoke of things we would like to do, and he asked if I would like to talk a walk beside a sea. A real sea, on a planet! I was so embarrassed to tell him I had never done such a thing. I have been planteside so rarely, and always on formal occassions to military facilities or the estates of important persons, that I have never had the opportunity to just see the natural beauty of a planet for itself. Bless him, he did not laugh or tease. No! He then and there whisked me up and hurried me away to a shuttle.
Very soon we had made the few jumps to Amarr, and landed on Amarr Prime. We ended up at a most exquisite little beachside restaurant, apparently owned and operated by former slaves of My Beloved's family. Strange, I should have known a family of such standing would be Holders, and yet I did not expect it. I think it should an unusual experience for me, to be the wife of a slave-owner, when we have had such little cause in my own family to ever exercise that Right in generations.
Wife? I must not get carried away with such thoughts, pleasant as they are. Silly little cat.
He had the staff move our table into the surf! How exciting it was, yet such an odd sensation to have actual sea waves lapping over my feet and legs. The sea was surprisingly warm, although it took me some time to get accustomed to, and I must have splashed about like a foolish school-girl for what must have seemed an eternity to My Love. He has such patience!
We ate dinner, and then after arranging a room in the attached hotel, we went swimming. We had to get swimwear, although, rather daringly, I tried to persuade Constantin such was not necessary - he quite rightly pointed out that other may have taken objection on the grounds of decency. It was a nice thought. We spent a wonderfully long time in a secluded little area near the hotel, but out of sight, with some small lamps giving us enough light in the darkness of night to see by. He looked to handsome and majestic there, his tattoos even darker against his dark skin, the beads of water glistening across the muscles of his magnificent body, his deep, beautiful, soulful eyes glittering every time the light caught them as he looked at me so lovingly. We made love in the water, rolling with the gentle waves, only the two of us in the entire universe as the moon shone down on our entwined bodies. We then crept back to our room and gave ourselves to each other again.
He is sleeping as I write this. I will have to return to Mehatoor soon, likely before he wakes, as I have another duty cycle in but a few short hours. I shall leave him a little note to ask him to go back to Nakri, and I will meet him there when I am again off duty. We must spend as much time together as we can before his own duties call him away from the Empire. I have a strange, uncomfortable premontion that the next time we part, it may be for some time. I hope it is just the echoes of a nagging doubt, My Darkness deep down inside trying to undermine my confidence, my happiness. Yet I fear it is more than that.
I love you, Constantin, I am in love with you, and my heart, mind, and body I give unto you.
16-03-YC121
Amarr Victor!
The Operation was a complete success. Two more of the Heretics' Forward Operating Bases neutralised. There was a stirring number of PIE officers present, along with an most pleasing turn out from LUMEN and other allies. Admiral Xideinis was Fleet Commander, and it was, as always, an honour to serve under him.
Fortunately, I had managed to have everything I needed, or thought I might need, brought to Mehatoor in time, despite Ramina getting somewhat distracted with giving charity to some poor beggar girl on the station. I cannot fault Ramina's kindness, of course, it has ever been a trait of her family, and is one of her qualities that first attracted Sasha. I do so hope he has moved on from his silly infatuation with Istha. Strangely, I thought I vaguely recognised that beggar girl, but that seems unlikely. Perhaps I have simply seen her around the station but never paid much heed before.
In the end, I did not need any extra ships. Perhaps Constantin had given a blessing for my safety without me knowing, but this time there was not a single loss on our side - not even me! Of course, it is also probably that we were all being even more cautious than usual. Firstly, the enemy appeared fewer in number than on previous operations, though our force was essentially the same as usual. The Admiral did wonder if they were keeping further response vessels in reserve, but if they were, they did not arrive. One cannot help but ponder the possibility that something in the background prevent them from effecting their usual response, especially as this happened at both FOBs.
Secondly, and of more immediate concern, was a definite change of tactics. Usually the enemy response team would immediately come toward us, but this time they did not do so for some time - again witnessed at both stations - and when they eventually did, it was not all at once, but in waves. More interestingly, they retreated back again, out of engagement range. To repair? To attempt to lure one ot two more headstrong pilots on our side to follow them into a trap? I am pleased to say that PIE pilots are very unlikely to be so easily ensnared, but it is not an unwise tactic to try, and can be very effective in taking apart an enemy force. Whatever the reason, it forced us to evolve our tactics in response, which was done with great success. Still, it was mentioned, and I had thought of it myself, that had we had vessels fitted with warp disruptors, the enemy's tactic would have been immediately rendered unviable. I know the Executioner class is looked-down upon by some of my superior Officers, but I honestly believe that had my ship alone only been fitted with one such device, rather than the two Webifiers, I could have prevented one ship escaping and aided in its destruction. How much more influential would each additional ship so fitted be? I am giving serious thought to submitting my design to the Admirals, for consideration towards an official PIE fit. They will likely reject it, but I shall try nonetheless. I believe in it.
The fleet has stood down, and some of my Comrades and Officers have gone to lend their strength to efforts in the warzone. Anka is about to be secured for the Empire again, and rightly so. I would go, but I must get something to eat first. Strange how I have felt quite hungry the last couple of days, more so that usual. If operations are still underway when I am done, I will go and assist. If not, I shall see if Constantin is still in the Empire. I would like to celebrate our Victory properly, with My Love.
Amarr Victor!
The Operation was a complete success. Two more of the Heretics' Forward Operating Bases neutralised. There was a stirring number of PIE officers present, along with an most pleasing turn out from LUMEN and other allies. Admiral Xideinis was Fleet Commander, and it was, as always, an honour to serve under him.
Fortunately, I had managed to have everything I needed, or thought I might need, brought to Mehatoor in time, despite Ramina getting somewhat distracted with giving charity to some poor beggar girl on the station. I cannot fault Ramina's kindness, of course, it has ever been a trait of her family, and is one of her qualities that first attracted Sasha. I do so hope he has moved on from his silly infatuation with Istha. Strangely, I thought I vaguely recognised that beggar girl, but that seems unlikely. Perhaps I have simply seen her around the station but never paid much heed before.
In the end, I did not need any extra ships. Perhaps Constantin had given a blessing for my safety without me knowing, but this time there was not a single loss on our side - not even me! Of course, it is also probably that we were all being even more cautious than usual. Firstly, the enemy appeared fewer in number than on previous operations, though our force was essentially the same as usual. The Admiral did wonder if they were keeping further response vessels in reserve, but if they were, they did not arrive. One cannot help but ponder the possibility that something in the background prevent them from effecting their usual response, especially as this happened at both FOBs.
Secondly, and of more immediate concern, was a definite change of tactics. Usually the enemy response team would immediately come toward us, but this time they did not do so for some time - again witnessed at both stations - and when they eventually did, it was not all at once, but in waves. More interestingly, they retreated back again, out of engagement range. To repair? To attempt to lure one ot two more headstrong pilots on our side to follow them into a trap? I am pleased to say that PIE pilots are very unlikely to be so easily ensnared, but it is not an unwise tactic to try, and can be very effective in taking apart an enemy force. Whatever the reason, it forced us to evolve our tactics in response, which was done with great success. Still, it was mentioned, and I had thought of it myself, that had we had vessels fitted with warp disruptors, the enemy's tactic would have been immediately rendered unviable. I know the Executioner class is looked-down upon by some of my superior Officers, but I honestly believe that had my ship alone only been fitted with one such device, rather than the two Webifiers, I could have prevented one ship escaping and aided in its destruction. How much more influential would each additional ship so fitted be? I am giving serious thought to submitting my design to the Admirals, for consideration towards an official PIE fit. They will likely reject it, but I shall try nonetheless. I believe in it.
The fleet has stood down, and some of my Comrades and Officers have gone to lend their strength to efforts in the warzone. Anka is about to be secured for the Empire again, and rightly so. I would go, but I must get something to eat first. Strange how I have felt quite hungry the last couple of days, more so that usual. If operations are still underway when I am done, I will go and assist. If not, I shall see if Constantin is still in the Empire. I would like to celebrate our Victory properly, with My Love.
15-03-YC121
I am writing this as he sleeps soundly in my bed. He is so beautiful, his dark skin glistening in the gentle light from the stars. I am memorising every line and swirl of every tattoo, that I may see them clearly whenever I close my eyes. By the time he wakes I shall have left for Mehatoor. The Operation against the Heretics is tomorrow, and I must make preparations. Felix's Executioners are completed and I shall have to meet Ramina to organise other necessary items. If he is still here when I return, I hope he is asleep again, so that I may silently enter the room, gently wake him by kisses across every inch of his inked skin, and ask him to make love to me, just as he made love to me tonight.
He came to the Estate today. I knew he was going to, of course, and I knew why, but when Dzerzhinsky finally came to my room to fetch me I was so very relieved to know he had arrived. I had been pacing the floor for what seemed like hours, although in truth he had arrived before I had even rushed back from Mehatoor. I had to sneak into the Estate, rush upstairs, and get Vea to help me into my Court Dress, the red and gold Sarum one. I do not know how, but she managed to work some magic that covered all evidence that I had only just arrived. What useful skills she has. A shame she wants to leave for the Federation.
I do not know for how long My Darling had been talking with Mama and Papa, and Dzerzhinsky would not give anything away, even though I almost pleaded with him for clues, but whatever they had spoken about, he must have made an even greater impression that I had expect he would. Oh, but he looked so majestic and handsome and formal standing there in the Drawing Room! He wasted no time though, and asked but a moment later for the permission of my parents to court me!
I shall never, no matter how many years I am blessed with, forget that sweetest of music - the sound of Mama and Papa saying loudly and clearly that they had no objections. Toasts we made, handshakes and hugs and kisses all around. Even Dzerzhinsky was smiling away, pleased for us. Oh, and Constantin's toast. As with everything, he had the perfect words, I can hear them now as if he were speaking them in his sleep - "To the House DeSilvestris, for your kindness, your generosity... your good sense of humor." A toast to "the finest woman I have ever met, a credit to the Empire and a blessing". Then to pray that "God, the Throne, the Sarum family, and the undying Empress " hold us all in high favour! To mention HER! That is the most wonderful thing he could ever have done. I shall pray to Her so fervently before I leave, that She may bestow Her Blessings upon My Beloved Constantin.
He called himself a humble man. Modest, most certainly, My Love, but humble? No, you are the greatest treasure I have ever known, that I shall ever know, and I shall love you for ever.
My parents left us alone soon after, giving us our privacy and space. To have their acceptance is simply perfect. I knew they would approve of him and adore him. Oh, this happiness that I have been granted! How shall I ever show my gratitude? There must surely be a way, but I cannot think of it. I shall begin by devoting today's inevitable Victory to God and My Eternal Empress, by striking down heresy and evil. Yet that shall not be enough, how could it be?
I shall consider the matter more deeply, and perhaps ask Constantin for his thoughts. Who else would better know about acts of devotion? Until then, My Love, continue to sleep soundly, and dream of our future, a future of creation.
I am writing this as he sleeps soundly in my bed. He is so beautiful, his dark skin glistening in the gentle light from the stars. I am memorising every line and swirl of every tattoo, that I may see them clearly whenever I close my eyes. By the time he wakes I shall have left for Mehatoor. The Operation against the Heretics is tomorrow, and I must make preparations. Felix's Executioners are completed and I shall have to meet Ramina to organise other necessary items. If he is still here when I return, I hope he is asleep again, so that I may silently enter the room, gently wake him by kisses across every inch of his inked skin, and ask him to make love to me, just as he made love to me tonight.
He came to the Estate today. I knew he was going to, of course, and I knew why, but when Dzerzhinsky finally came to my room to fetch me I was so very relieved to know he had arrived. I had been pacing the floor for what seemed like hours, although in truth he had arrived before I had even rushed back from Mehatoor. I had to sneak into the Estate, rush upstairs, and get Vea to help me into my Court Dress, the red and gold Sarum one. I do not know how, but she managed to work some magic that covered all evidence that I had only just arrived. What useful skills she has. A shame she wants to leave for the Federation.
I do not know for how long My Darling had been talking with Mama and Papa, and Dzerzhinsky would not give anything away, even though I almost pleaded with him for clues, but whatever they had spoken about, he must have made an even greater impression that I had expect he would. Oh, but he looked so majestic and handsome and formal standing there in the Drawing Room! He wasted no time though, and asked but a moment later for the permission of my parents to court me!
I shall never, no matter how many years I am blessed with, forget that sweetest of music - the sound of Mama and Papa saying loudly and clearly that they had no objections. Toasts we made, handshakes and hugs and kisses all around. Even Dzerzhinsky was smiling away, pleased for us. Oh, and Constantin's toast. As with everything, he had the perfect words, I can hear them now as if he were speaking them in his sleep - "To the House DeSilvestris, for your kindness, your generosity... your good sense of humor." A toast to "the finest woman I have ever met, a credit to the Empire and a blessing". Then to pray that "God, the Throne, the Sarum family, and the undying Empress " hold us all in high favour! To mention HER! That is the most wonderful thing he could ever have done. I shall pray to Her so fervently before I leave, that She may bestow Her Blessings upon My Beloved Constantin.
He called himself a humble man. Modest, most certainly, My Love, but humble? No, you are the greatest treasure I have ever known, that I shall ever know, and I shall love you for ever.
My parents left us alone soon after, giving us our privacy and space. To have their acceptance is simply perfect. I knew they would approve of him and adore him. Oh, this happiness that I have been granted! How shall I ever show my gratitude? There must surely be a way, but I cannot think of it. I shall begin by devoting today's inevitable Victory to God and My Eternal Empress, by striking down heresy and evil. Yet that shall not be enough, how could it be?
I shall consider the matter more deeply, and perhaps ask Constantin for his thoughts. Who else would better know about acts of devotion? Until then, My Love, continue to sleep soundly, and dream of our future, a future of creation.
14-03-YC121
Initiate Amar is quite the inspiration! Ambushed by four enemy frigates whilst on a solo patrol - he destroyed all four, and even caught one of the capsules too! With Praetorians like this, Her Imperial Majesty's subjects can sleep peacefully, knowing they are safe.
Unfortunately, on a more disturbing note is the fact those who claim to be our allies and protectors of the Empire, are anything but. Captain Daphiti is still hunting that worthless traitor who made an unprovoked attack on Lieutenant Lioncourt a few days ago. Completely unacceptable, horrific even! To know that we must be so vigilant against enemies within as well as without is quite a terrible burden. I have no doubt at all that those are Faithful, like all who serve in PIE and LUMEN, will weather whatever storm is coming, and shall pass any test sent by God or by Her. We will overcome, we will be Victorious, and then we shall usher in a new Golden Age of Amarr!
Initiate Amar is quite the inspiration! Ambushed by four enemy frigates whilst on a solo patrol - he destroyed all four, and even caught one of the capsules too! With Praetorians like this, Her Imperial Majesty's subjects can sleep peacefully, knowing they are safe.
Unfortunately, on a more disturbing note is the fact those who claim to be our allies and protectors of the Empire, are anything but. Captain Daphiti is still hunting that worthless traitor who made an unprovoked attack on Lieutenant Lioncourt a few days ago. Completely unacceptable, horrific even! To know that we must be so vigilant against enemies within as well as without is quite a terrible burden. I have no doubt at all that those are Faithful, like all who serve in PIE and LUMEN, will weather whatever storm is coming, and shall pass any test sent by God or by Her. We will overcome, we will be Victorious, and then we shall usher in a new Golden Age of Amarr!
11-03-YC121
Oh Liana! Sweet little innocent Liana! There is so much of life that she seems to not quite fully comprehend, but then, given her history, she is only still learning the things that she would likely have learned years ago in another life. The concept of dancing, it would seem, has become somewhat confused with concept of sexual intercourse, something which I do not think she is quite ready for, mentally at least. Apparently she has been conversing with Constantin on the former, and Heaven alone knows who has been engaging in conversation with her on the latter - though if I find out, there shall be stern words - and the result is a sweet, if slightly alarming, mix of the two ideas in her head. Improper dancing indeed! Oh, Liana, I have every mind to gather you up and install you in polite society where you belong. At least there I could keep an eye on you and keep you safe from the more predatory members of the capsuleer "community".
Perhaps I shall ask Constantin about taking her under our wing. I think it would be good for her, to have someone trustworthy and noble looking out for her.
Oh Liana! Sweet little innocent Liana! There is so much of life that she seems to not quite fully comprehend, but then, given her history, she is only still learning the things that she would likely have learned years ago in another life. The concept of dancing, it would seem, has become somewhat confused with concept of sexual intercourse, something which I do not think she is quite ready for, mentally at least. Apparently she has been conversing with Constantin on the former, and Heaven alone knows who has been engaging in conversation with her on the latter - though if I find out, there shall be stern words - and the result is a sweet, if slightly alarming, mix of the two ideas in her head. Improper dancing indeed! Oh, Liana, I have every mind to gather you up and install you in polite society where you belong. At least there I could keep an eye on you and keep you safe from the more predatory members of the capsuleer "community".
Perhaps I shall ask Constantin about taking her under our wing. I think it would be good for her, to have someone trustworthy and noble looking out for her.
10-03-YC121
Felix has sent me a message; so-called Nation has apparently returned to our Beloved Empire, this time in Yekti. I pray that God grants Victory to those who stand against this vile scourge.
More pleasant activities have filled my day, however. Dearest Constantin not only surprised me with a visit, but also with a delightful meal at a very exclusive restaurant here in Mehatoor. I know my Darling does not like to use his family connections, which is so very humble of him, but they undoubtedly come in useful from time to time. That he should think to use them for me rather than himself only goes to further prove his self-less heart.
I think I must have made something of a fool of myself over dinner, however. Aside from the rather disapproving tuts from neighbouring tables at our rather public displays of affection - and let them talk, there is a part of me that rather enjoys shocking such overly conservative mores - we spoke of possibilites for the future, and how I may one see for myself the good works My Star has wrought. Given that he has spread the word to the Republic of course, means I cannot do so whilst I am with the Crusade, but I shall, I think, not always be dedicated to war. Eventually the natural instincts within must take precedence, and how could I resist if the prospect of those instinct being awakened is with Constantin. Of course, this silly little cat could not keep her mouth shut, and out it popped - "one day I may be a mother". Honestly! Has this man shaken my senses so much I can keep nothing in my head? I expected him to make his excuses and turn a sharp retreat. Who could blame him? Yet I was only thinking aloud on what may be, not on what shall be. What I did not expect was his answer, or rather his question.
He asked if he might be involved!
He even said he would not be courting me if he did not think I would make a good mother! It is even something over which he has spoken with his family! The Baracca family! Speaking about me! As a mother! I am sure I did not hear him properly, or I am misremembering. I cannot really believe that such a thing is true. Time will tell, I am sure.
I shall surely dream of that future possibility tonight. Perhaps one day it will not be a dream. Perhaps.
Felix has sent me a message; so-called Nation has apparently returned to our Beloved Empire, this time in Yekti. I pray that God grants Victory to those who stand against this vile scourge.
More pleasant activities have filled my day, however. Dearest Constantin not only surprised me with a visit, but also with a delightful meal at a very exclusive restaurant here in Mehatoor. I know my Darling does not like to use his family connections, which is so very humble of him, but they undoubtedly come in useful from time to time. That he should think to use them for me rather than himself only goes to further prove his self-less heart.
I think I must have made something of a fool of myself over dinner, however. Aside from the rather disapproving tuts from neighbouring tables at our rather public displays of affection - and let them talk, there is a part of me that rather enjoys shocking such overly conservative mores - we spoke of possibilites for the future, and how I may one see for myself the good works My Star has wrought. Given that he has spread the word to the Republic of course, means I cannot do so whilst I am with the Crusade, but I shall, I think, not always be dedicated to war. Eventually the natural instincts within must take precedence, and how could I resist if the prospect of those instinct being awakened is with Constantin. Of course, this silly little cat could not keep her mouth shut, and out it popped - "one day I may be a mother". Honestly! Has this man shaken my senses so much I can keep nothing in my head? I expected him to make his excuses and turn a sharp retreat. Who could blame him? Yet I was only thinking aloud on what may be, not on what shall be. What I did not expect was his answer, or rather his question.
He asked if he might be involved!
He even said he would not be courting me if he did not think I would make a good mother! It is even something over which he has spoken with his family! The Baracca family! Speaking about me! As a mother! I am sure I did not hear him properly, or I am misremembering. I cannot really believe that such a thing is true. Time will tell, I am sure.
I shall surely dream of that future possibility tonight. Perhaps one day it will not be a dream. Perhaps.
09-03-YC121
He is the most wonderful man alive! I have no idea how he did it, what magic influence he wrought, but today I came back from patrol to find my quarters full of flowers! Bouquets and vases of the most beautiful roses, violets, daisies, in all their wonderful colours! They covered every surface, the table, the chairs, my desk, spilling across the floor, all the way up to the door; and there, in the middle of them all, a handwritten poem in his perfect script. Oh, such words as I do not deserve, and yet he writes them to me, for me. I do not believe I could be made happier.
I called him immediately, although I had at that moment been connected to The Summit, as had he. No wonder he had that little grin playing about his lips! He knew what I was about to walk into, in front, as it were, of everybody. His playfulness only adds to the joy he brings me. His nature is so kind, so warm, I can scarcely believe he exists. He was dressed in fencing dress. I should like to see him in action, fencing being such a noble sport. Perhaps he and I could spar at some time, though doubtless his skill is far beyond my clumsy attempts with a naval cutlass. Still, it would be pleasant, and we need some past-times together. It was only a very brief call, but it always lifts my heart to gaze upon his wonderous face, to see the light in his eyes that sparkles there whenever we speak. I look forward to the day when I wake up to see that sparkle right there next to me. We parted with kisses sent across the void. We shall be together soon.
Admiral Xideinis has announced another operation against the Blood Raiders soon. I look forward to this. Purging heretics is always an exhilirating experience. I shall dedicate our Victory as a gift of gratitude to God and to Her, for the blessings they have given me in Constantin.
He is the most wonderful man alive! I have no idea how he did it, what magic influence he wrought, but today I came back from patrol to find my quarters full of flowers! Bouquets and vases of the most beautiful roses, violets, daisies, in all their wonderful colours! They covered every surface, the table, the chairs, my desk, spilling across the floor, all the way up to the door; and there, in the middle of them all, a handwritten poem in his perfect script. Oh, such words as I do not deserve, and yet he writes them to me, for me. I do not believe I could be made happier.
I called him immediately, although I had at that moment been connected to The Summit, as had he. No wonder he had that little grin playing about his lips! He knew what I was about to walk into, in front, as it were, of everybody. His playfulness only adds to the joy he brings me. His nature is so kind, so warm, I can scarcely believe he exists. He was dressed in fencing dress. I should like to see him in action, fencing being such a noble sport. Perhaps he and I could spar at some time, though doubtless his skill is far beyond my clumsy attempts with a naval cutlass. Still, it would be pleasant, and we need some past-times together. It was only a very brief call, but it always lifts my heart to gaze upon his wonderous face, to see the light in his eyes that sparkles there whenever we speak. I look forward to the day when I wake up to see that sparkle right there next to me. We parted with kisses sent across the void. We shall be together soon.
Admiral Xideinis has announced another operation against the Blood Raiders soon. I look forward to this. Purging heretics is always an exhilirating experience. I shall dedicate our Victory as a gift of gratitude to God and to Her, for the blessings they have given me in Constantin.
06-03-YC121
Two losses in as many hours! Unacceptable. I am sure dear Constantin would tell me to not be so harsh with myself, but I must do better. Admittedly, there is little I can do when Ushra'Khan bring a Cruiser as well as a handful of Frigates. Frustratingly, Lieutenant Lioncourt and I were so close to scoring a victory against one of the Tribals when the others warped in. We were lucky to avoid losing our pods.
One simply has to steel oneself and go out again, and so I did. The second time was again a close one, with the tables turned. I am sure the Tribals cry foul when they are outnumbered as much as they gloat when they outnumbered us. This Tribal's drones overpowered me just a split second before my allies destroyed his ship. The fact I scored an assist, however, thanks to disabling his warp-drive, removes some of the sting of a loss.
Poor Constantin, he will worry, I know. He accepts my calling in the Crusade, which must be difficult for him I am sure, but that does not alleviate the concerns over my safety he must have. I shall send him a short mail, to let him know I am well, before the inevitable rumour-mill reaches him and exaggerates the events beyond all recognition.
I should also contact Felix. I will need a new batch of Executioners soon. I should consider using another class of ships more suited to the task, but I have a fondness for the Executioner, and I must become more confident in my abilities.
Two losses in as many hours! Unacceptable. I am sure dear Constantin would tell me to not be so harsh with myself, but I must do better. Admittedly, there is little I can do when Ushra'Khan bring a Cruiser as well as a handful of Frigates. Frustratingly, Lieutenant Lioncourt and I were so close to scoring a victory against one of the Tribals when the others warped in. We were lucky to avoid losing our pods.
One simply has to steel oneself and go out again, and so I did. The second time was again a close one, with the tables turned. I am sure the Tribals cry foul when they are outnumbered as much as they gloat when they outnumbered us. This Tribal's drones overpowered me just a split second before my allies destroyed his ship. The fact I scored an assist, however, thanks to disabling his warp-drive, removes some of the sting of a loss.
Poor Constantin, he will worry, I know. He accepts my calling in the Crusade, which must be difficult for him I am sure, but that does not alleviate the concerns over my safety he must have. I shall send him a short mail, to let him know I am well, before the inevitable rumour-mill reaches him and exaggerates the events beyond all recognition.
I should also contact Felix. I will need a new batch of Executioners soon. I should consider using another class of ships more suited to the task, but I have a fondness for the Executioner, and I must become more confident in my abilities.
05-03-YC121
Unbelievable! I have just caught Sasha and Ishta rolling around the Drawing Room, drunk, Ishta with her dress around her waist, and Sasha pawing at her! Absolutely unacceptable! Oh, Ishta is pretty enough, yes, but she is an ex-pirate, a killer, a criminal, and who-know-what besides. Sasha is an Lieutenant in Naval Intelligence! I hope for their sakes Mother and Father do not find out, and that it is some sort of foolish anomaly, a young "one-night-stand" as they say. I shall be speaking to Sasha in the morning and make quite clear that Ishta is far beneath him and totally unsuitable. I shall also speak to Father Mikhail, as it seems Ishta needs a little more guidance in recognising her place.
I thought Sasha had an interest in Ramina? She would be a much closer match, even being with her family being in the position it is. Ishta, like her sister, is quite adept at turning heads, no doubt due to their exotic allures, but Ramina is a far better propect, intelligent, devout, and I cannot imagine any young gentleman being embarrassed to be seen with her. What is Sasha playing at? If this continues, I will be forced to involve myself.
Unbelievable! I have just caught Sasha and Ishta rolling around the Drawing Room, drunk, Ishta with her dress around her waist, and Sasha pawing at her! Absolutely unacceptable! Oh, Ishta is pretty enough, yes, but she is an ex-pirate, a killer, a criminal, and who-know-what besides. Sasha is an Lieutenant in Naval Intelligence! I hope for their sakes Mother and Father do not find out, and that it is some sort of foolish anomaly, a young "one-night-stand" as they say. I shall be speaking to Sasha in the morning and make quite clear that Ishta is far beneath him and totally unsuitable. I shall also speak to Father Mikhail, as it seems Ishta needs a little more guidance in recognising her place.
I thought Sasha had an interest in Ramina? She would be a much closer match, even being with her family being in the position it is. Ishta, like her sister, is quite adept at turning heads, no doubt due to their exotic allures, but Ramina is a far better propect, intelligent, devout, and I cannot imagine any young gentleman being embarrassed to be seen with her. What is Sasha playing at? If this continues, I will be forced to involve myself.
03-03-YC121
Constantin. Beautiful Constantin. He is everything I have ever dreamed of, and even if in the end he does not want me, I shall always remember this night.
We went to the Trillion Aqua Hotel in Madirmilire, to accompany Captain Daphiti and Lord Aor. Captain Daphiti was absolutely captivating in her dress, and I can quite clearly see why Lord Aor has taken such a liking to her. I have not met Lord Aor before, but he seemed very pleasant, and a perfect gentleman of particularly good heritage.
Dinner was perfect! It was a pleasant surprise to find an establishment outside of Nakri able produce even a passable trout with pomegranate sauce, but the Trillion's speciality is seafood, and their culinary skills would, I quite believe, satisfy even Nikolai's exacting taste. Constantin gave a most beautiful Grace before we ate. Every word he speaks lifts my heart, he is so eloquent. I do not think I shall ever hear an unpleasant word fall from his mouth. Indeed, the way we talk together (and now we share food in public!), one would think we had been together for years.
After dinner was, of course, dancing! Sadly, poor Captain Daphiti had to sit out, though Lord Aor kept her company. Ah, how I recall the "broken shoe" ploy! Honestly, if someone invented a heel that broke on demand, but also "miraculously" self-repaired when required, they would be the richest person in New Eden.
We danced and danced. A little less energetically this time, but still as wonderful as always. I do so adore it when Constantin leads. He is commanding but gentle, and we dance in perfect harmony together. We spoke of My Darling's wish to present himself formally to my parents, and ask them for their permission to court me. He is simply the sweetest, most adorable man I have ever met, and I know that Mama and Papa will be overjoyed when he asks them! I must shamefully admit that I found this conversation so enthralling I quite forgot about Captain Daphiti and Lord Aor, and it was not until the night was ending that I remember we were supposed to chaperone them! I think they had taken the opportunity afford them, and spent more time getting to know one another. They make a handsome couple, I do hope something comes of it. Lord Aor left for his estates, and Constantin and I said goodbye to Captain Daphiti. Amusingly, I think the Captain could not quite resist keeping to rank, instructing me to make sure I reported for duty the next day. Did she perhaps see coming what I did not?
Constantin and I stayed and took a walk through the botanical gardens. Such an amazing display, so many species that I have only seen in the books in the family Library. We walked and we talked of so many things. I spoke of foolish things, of course, as I always do. I told him how I know I am not the woman he should be with, for who am I but a minor noble of no import? A creature of war and conflict. Whereas he is high-born to an illustrious heritage, and does such noble work in the name of God, that if there is any hope for the future of humanity, it springs from his labours, not mine. Yet, his replies were so reassuring, so kind. There is not a shred of Darkness in his entire soul. I wonder how it is that he can seem to ignore mine.
I do not know why, but I told him something I did not think I ever would, spoke words I believed I would never speak again.
I told him I love him.
He replied with words I would never have dared dream I would hear.
He told me he loves me.
We stayed the night in the hotel. He performed a ceremony around the room, blessing it. Then he washed my feet, and I washed his.
We made love.
We spent much of this morning holding one another, simply talking, learning about each other. I shall forever feel blessed that he has not rejected me out of hand on things I have told him. To think as well that he was afraid I would reject him because of his heritage. I never could, not now, and his bloodline explains his bravery and determination. Perhaps my lineage and his shall become as one, perhaps not, but if I am granted such a gift, it is something I shall take on proudly.
We had to part, I to the warzone, and Constantin to his Diocese. I pray it shall not be too long until I can feel his arms around me again, holding me close, whilst I listen to his voice tell me the things my heart has longed to hear for so long. Until then, Constantin, My Love, my God and the Eternal Empress keep you from harm and sorrow. I shall not stop thinking of you, and of our first night together.
Constantin. Beautiful Constantin. He is everything I have ever dreamed of, and even if in the end he does not want me, I shall always remember this night.
We went to the Trillion Aqua Hotel in Madirmilire, to accompany Captain Daphiti and Lord Aor. Captain Daphiti was absolutely captivating in her dress, and I can quite clearly see why Lord Aor has taken such a liking to her. I have not met Lord Aor before, but he seemed very pleasant, and a perfect gentleman of particularly good heritage.
Dinner was perfect! It was a pleasant surprise to find an establishment outside of Nakri able produce even a passable trout with pomegranate sauce, but the Trillion's speciality is seafood, and their culinary skills would, I quite believe, satisfy even Nikolai's exacting taste. Constantin gave a most beautiful Grace before we ate. Every word he speaks lifts my heart, he is so eloquent. I do not think I shall ever hear an unpleasant word fall from his mouth. Indeed, the way we talk together (and now we share food in public!), one would think we had been together for years.
After dinner was, of course, dancing! Sadly, poor Captain Daphiti had to sit out, though Lord Aor kept her company. Ah, how I recall the "broken shoe" ploy! Honestly, if someone invented a heel that broke on demand, but also "miraculously" self-repaired when required, they would be the richest person in New Eden.
We danced and danced. A little less energetically this time, but still as wonderful as always. I do so adore it when Constantin leads. He is commanding but gentle, and we dance in perfect harmony together. We spoke of My Darling's wish to present himself formally to my parents, and ask them for their permission to court me. He is simply the sweetest, most adorable man I have ever met, and I know that Mama and Papa will be overjoyed when he asks them! I must shamefully admit that I found this conversation so enthralling I quite forgot about Captain Daphiti and Lord Aor, and it was not until the night was ending that I remember we were supposed to chaperone them! I think they had taken the opportunity afford them, and spent more time getting to know one another. They make a handsome couple, I do hope something comes of it. Lord Aor left for his estates, and Constantin and I said goodbye to Captain Daphiti. Amusingly, I think the Captain could not quite resist keeping to rank, instructing me to make sure I reported for duty the next day. Did she perhaps see coming what I did not?
Constantin and I stayed and took a walk through the botanical gardens. Such an amazing display, so many species that I have only seen in the books in the family Library. We walked and we talked of so many things. I spoke of foolish things, of course, as I always do. I told him how I know I am not the woman he should be with, for who am I but a minor noble of no import? A creature of war and conflict. Whereas he is high-born to an illustrious heritage, and does such noble work in the name of God, that if there is any hope for the future of humanity, it springs from his labours, not mine. Yet, his replies were so reassuring, so kind. There is not a shred of Darkness in his entire soul. I wonder how it is that he can seem to ignore mine.
I do not know why, but I told him something I did not think I ever would, spoke words I believed I would never speak again.
I told him I love him.
He replied with words I would never have dared dream I would hear.
He told me he loves me.
We stayed the night in the hotel. He performed a ceremony around the room, blessing it. Then he washed my feet, and I washed his.
We made love.
We spent much of this morning holding one another, simply talking, learning about each other. I shall forever feel blessed that he has not rejected me out of hand on things I have told him. To think as well that he was afraid I would reject him because of his heritage. I never could, not now, and his bloodline explains his bravery and determination. Perhaps my lineage and his shall become as one, perhaps not, but if I am granted such a gift, it is something I shall take on proudly.
We had to part, I to the warzone, and Constantin to his Diocese. I pray it shall not be too long until I can feel his arms around me again, holding me close, whilst I listen to his voice tell me the things my heart has longed to hear for so long. Until then, Constantin, My Love, my God and the Eternal Empress keep you from harm and sorrow. I shall not stop thinking of you, and of our first night together.
02-03-YC121
I must be relearning my skills, at least in gauging the likelihood of victory. Securing tactical locations requires the ability to multitask, and thankfully I do not seem to have lost the skill of keeping a part of my focus on the sensor and scanner readouts. No doubt the enemy thought he had me, but I was well aware of his location and intentions, and I think I somewhat surprised him when I ended up warping to him from an unexpected angle.
Unfortunately I do not think my Executioner would have quite been able to break his armour tank. His shields went down quickly enough, but I have never before engaged a Dramiel, though I am aware of their capabilites. I had to make a split-second decision on whether to continue the engagement or not. In my favour was the fact I had disabled his warp-drive, I was landing hits on him, and he, due to my ability to dictate speed and distance, could barely scratch me. Against me, however, was the fact I was alone, with no way to be sure if he had allies close by. Also, my Executioner, swift though she may be, cannot withstand a prolonged engagement. Were the Dramiel fitted with an effective armour tank, I would not win in a battle of attrition.
I chose to withdraw. I hope that my superior officers will not think me guilty of cowardice, but there is little sense in risking a ship for no reason. Perhaps I could have been successful, perhaps not. The point is to learn from the experience, and next time I will be able to make the decision much quicker and with much more confidence.
Later - I have just learned that but 30 minutes after my engagement, the Dramiel was destroyed by another Crusade capsuleer. I like to think that his failure to destroy a lowly Executioner weakened his confidence enough to lead him to mistakes, though that is most unlikely. Congratulations to that Crusader. God Willing, soon enough it will be my name against the kill.
I must be relearning my skills, at least in gauging the likelihood of victory. Securing tactical locations requires the ability to multitask, and thankfully I do not seem to have lost the skill of keeping a part of my focus on the sensor and scanner readouts. No doubt the enemy thought he had me, but I was well aware of his location and intentions, and I think I somewhat surprised him when I ended up warping to him from an unexpected angle.
Unfortunately I do not think my Executioner would have quite been able to break his armour tank. His shields went down quickly enough, but I have never before engaged a Dramiel, though I am aware of their capabilites. I had to make a split-second decision on whether to continue the engagement or not. In my favour was the fact I had disabled his warp-drive, I was landing hits on him, and he, due to my ability to dictate speed and distance, could barely scratch me. Against me, however, was the fact I was alone, with no way to be sure if he had allies close by. Also, my Executioner, swift though she may be, cannot withstand a prolonged engagement. Were the Dramiel fitted with an effective armour tank, I would not win in a battle of attrition.
I chose to withdraw. I hope that my superior officers will not think me guilty of cowardice, but there is little sense in risking a ship for no reason. Perhaps I could have been successful, perhaps not. The point is to learn from the experience, and next time I will be able to make the decision much quicker and with much more confidence.
Later - I have just learned that but 30 minutes after my engagement, the Dramiel was destroyed by another Crusade capsuleer. I like to think that his failure to destroy a lowly Executioner weakened his confidence enough to lead him to mistakes, though that is most unlikely. Congratulations to that Crusader. God Willing, soon enough it will be my name against the kill.
01-03-YC121
I am always nervous before I patrol the warzone. I cannot imagine Captain Elkin, or Aldrith,or Commander Kley are stricken with nerves. Lack of experience? Self-doubt? The constant demoralising whisper of my Shadow? I know not what it is, but I give such thanks to God and to Her that I now have Constantin to steel me before I go into action. His kind, beautiful, spiritual words lift my heart and soul. He believes in what I do, accepts it, and I believe him when he tells me it does not oppose his own far more blessed works, but perhaps even compliments them.
Oh, Dear Constantin, how majestic and close to God you are! That you seek to bring the Light of God into the Republic itself, saving the souls of those poor lost Tribals. Perhaps your way is the True Way of The Reclaiming! I think that is must surely be so, far more than the way of violence and destruction I follow. I pray that one day I shall be able to leave this path, if God and my Eternal Empress permit. Shall I then be able to join you, My Love, and work alongside you, helping to raise souls to God's Grace, as you have raised mine? Such things I shall dream of, but until then I will continue to do all I can to protect Our Motherland, Our Beloved Empire, and repay my spiritual debt to God and to Her for their Mercy and Love in sending you to me.
He spoke tonight of formally asking my parents for permission to court me! I did not think that such traditions still existed, and I cannot imagine anyone else doing such a delightful and respectful thing. No-one has asked my parents such permission since I was 17! Poor Vasily, what torture I must have put you through. I am sure I heard a few years ago you were married with a family. I do hope you are happy and content, you deserve to be, you were always so sweet, and I so mutable in my emotions.
It is not necessary for Constantin to do such a thing, of course, but I think Mama and Papa will be very pleased should he do so. We may not be the most conservative of families within in the Empire, but we do respect tradition and protocol, and it is the proper way to do things. Doubtless Sasha shall tease me mercilessly when he finds out, but I hope it happens nonetheless.
Oh, Constantin, is there no end to the brightness and happiness you bring me? I think there truly is not.
I am always nervous before I patrol the warzone. I cannot imagine Captain Elkin, or Aldrith,or Commander Kley are stricken with nerves. Lack of experience? Self-doubt? The constant demoralising whisper of my Shadow? I know not what it is, but I give such thanks to God and to Her that I now have Constantin to steel me before I go into action. His kind, beautiful, spiritual words lift my heart and soul. He believes in what I do, accepts it, and I believe him when he tells me it does not oppose his own far more blessed works, but perhaps even compliments them.
Oh, Dear Constantin, how majestic and close to God you are! That you seek to bring the Light of God into the Republic itself, saving the souls of those poor lost Tribals. Perhaps your way is the True Way of The Reclaiming! I think that is must surely be so, far more than the way of violence and destruction I follow. I pray that one day I shall be able to leave this path, if God and my Eternal Empress permit. Shall I then be able to join you, My Love, and work alongside you, helping to raise souls to God's Grace, as you have raised mine? Such things I shall dream of, but until then I will continue to do all I can to protect Our Motherland, Our Beloved Empire, and repay my spiritual debt to God and to Her for their Mercy and Love in sending you to me.
He spoke tonight of formally asking my parents for permission to court me! I did not think that such traditions still existed, and I cannot imagine anyone else doing such a delightful and respectful thing. No-one has asked my parents such permission since I was 17! Poor Vasily, what torture I must have put you through. I am sure I heard a few years ago you were married with a family. I do hope you are happy and content, you deserve to be, you were always so sweet, and I so mutable in my emotions.
It is not necessary for Constantin to do such a thing, of course, but I think Mama and Papa will be very pleased should he do so. We may not be the most conservative of families within in the Empire, but we do respect tradition and protocol, and it is the proper way to do things. Doubtless Sasha shall tease me mercilessly when he finds out, but I hope it happens nonetheless.
Oh, Constantin, is there no end to the brightness and happiness you bring me? I think there truly is not.
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