30-05-YC121
The Triglavians have arrived, bringing their advanced tools of war with them. I wish they would come here to Tanoo and turn their beams of death upon me. Yet I look at the endless field of stars and see nothing but lifeless void. There is a beauty to it all, but it is blurred by the tears in my eyes. I pray the oblivion they bring will find me, but it does not come. It never comes.
Constantin has given me news I had never thought to hear. When I arrived he was sitting on the floor of our suite, forlorn and dejected. I thought something terrible had happened, another visitation of destruction such as he had seen on Anath. The only destruction his words brought were to my heart.
Yesterday Druur, Doctor Monakh, approached Constantin and kissed him, for the second time. He kept the first secret from me, hoping her indiscretion was simply some foolish mistake on her part. It seem, however, it is he who was mistaken, and Doctor Monakh has feelings for the man I love. Constantin tells me he does not return these feelings, and has no interest in her. I want to believe him, but I can already feel the whispers within sowing doubt in my mind. He feels guilty, and I want to trust that it is not because of wrongdoing on his part, but because he knows how hurt I am. I know the Doctor and I are not friends, but I thought she would respect the sanctity of a relationship. I feel so humiliated. I know he feels guilty for not resisting her strongly enough, for not rebuking her as sternly as he should have. Forgive me, My Love, but I want you to feel guilty for that.
I can hear him crying in the next room, as surely as he has heard my sobbing from here in the bedroom. They are not the tears of a man caught out in a lie - those I know all too well. No, they are tears of sorrow, as mine are. Tears of loss, for I think we both realise that no matter what happens between us now, things can never be as perfect as they were just a few hours ago. What we had has been forever changed.
It is my fault. I should have been more careful, guarded my heart more, moved far slower in the relationship than I have. Aldrith was right, as he always is, and my impatience has brought me nothing but sorrow and pain as it always does. I am angry at myself, so very, very angry. I also feel trapped - I cannot do that which I normally would do to bring relief from these emotions. My Old Friend is back in Nakri, and it would only upset Kostya more. I have surely done enough damage to him already.
I do not know what to do. Do I pretend as though it has not happened? I forgive him, though there is really nothing to forgive him for, but I do not think I shall ever be able to forget. Already that Darkness in my mind conjures such terrible thoughts that I do not wish to have, thoughts that hurt my heart all the more. Is this the end already? I do not want it to be, but I fear that it must. Have I been so idiotic and arrogant to think that I may have found lasting happiness that I am being punished for my hubris? Did I not show enough gratitude for this gift of love? I know I should have done so much more. Perhaps I can still show how grateful I am, even though the happiness may turn out to be so fleeting. I can still show I am penitent for my sins, even though it may not be enough to keep Constantin and I together.
I hate her so much.
I cannot think. I cannot even write. My tears are making it too difficult, soaking the paper and causing the ink to run and bleed. Bleed like I should. Paper and ink! What another stupid conceit for stupid conceited girl!
29-05-YC121
So the Triglavians, whoever or whatever they may be, have come at last. There are reports from across New Eden that hostile encounters between these new entities and capsuleers have taken place, perhaps against regular Empire forces also. Let them test themselves against the might of the Imperial Navy. They would do well to seek peace with Amarr, even an alliance against those devils the Drifters, but if they prefer war, so be it. We shall show Kuzka's mother to them!
I expect I shall be placed at readiness very soon, and I shall, as always, do my duty. I would prefer, personally, to try and glean some Intelligence on them, but orders are orders.
Kostya sent a brief communication. They have opened hostilites in his area of New Eden, and he has had to evacuate. The message was not clear - the Triglavians appear to be causing some form of inteference, a common enough method of warfare. I pray he is safe, and how I wish he had stayed in the Empire. I will try to get a message to him, and, if I am able within the parameters of whatever orders I am issued, I shall bring him back to safety.
Papa and Nikolai have both been called to duty by Naval Command. Alexandr remains in Nafrivik seeing to Lady Llyr's security arrangements, but I would not be surprised if the Navy issued orders of a much higher priority. The defence of the Empire must come first.
I am going to see Father Mikhail, to ask for him to pray for all of us, for Kostya, and for Victory for our Beloved Empire. I shall also ask him to pray with me for guidance from Her, and for the strength and courage of our Dear Departed Alizabeth.
Amarr Victor!
So the Triglavians, whoever or whatever they may be, have come at last. There are reports from across New Eden that hostile encounters between these new entities and capsuleers have taken place, perhaps against regular Empire forces also. Let them test themselves against the might of the Imperial Navy. They would do well to seek peace with Amarr, even an alliance against those devils the Drifters, but if they prefer war, so be it. We shall show Kuzka's mother to them!
I expect I shall be placed at readiness very soon, and I shall, as always, do my duty. I would prefer, personally, to try and glean some Intelligence on them, but orders are orders.
Kostya sent a brief communication. They have opened hostilites in his area of New Eden, and he has had to evacuate. The message was not clear - the Triglavians appear to be causing some form of inteference, a common enough method of warfare. I pray he is safe, and how I wish he had stayed in the Empire. I will try to get a message to him, and, if I am able within the parameters of whatever orders I am issued, I shall bring him back to safety.
Papa and Nikolai have both been called to duty by Naval Command. Alexandr remains in Nafrivik seeing to Lady Llyr's security arrangements, but I would not be surprised if the Navy issued orders of a much higher priority. The defence of the Empire must come first.
I am going to see Father Mikhail, to ask for him to pray for all of us, for Kostya, and for Victory for our Beloved Empire. I shall also ask him to pray with me for guidance from Her, and for the strength and courage of our Dear Departed Alizabeth.
Amarr Victor!
26-05-YC121
Frustratingly, I was unable to take part in the anti-heretic Operation. Sasha informed me that one of our guests in Nafrivik was willing to divulge some important information. In the end, I am not entirely sure how useful the information was, and I do not think it was worth my time at all. Regardless that the Operation apparently netted few material rewards, it was, overall, a success, and I would have preferred to have been there. I was of a mind to take out my frustration on the idiot who wasted my time - it would probably have soften the girl up quickly too - but in the end Constantin distracted me with more enjoyable and wholesome pursuit, although I still worked out some of my frustrations. I am sure the scratches will heal up quickly, and it is not as if anyone else should be seeing his back anyway.
It appears that the station in Tanoo has attracted a market commodity LUMEN would prefer to avoid, though the customers are of particular interest. One of Nauplius' stooges put some slaves up for offer, who were promptly purchased by that shining beacon of humanitarian work, the Tribal Elsebeth Rhainnon. Undoubtedly she will claim she is buying them simply to free them from the clutches of the wicked Empire, but at the very least, to my mind, she comes off as a hypocrite. Providing a market for the very thing she professes to seek to bring an end to! As if Nauplius or any other fleshmonger cares in the slightest who buys them or where they go! Indeed, if she sends them off to take their chances in the slums of the Republic - apparently a better lot in life than a guaranteed roof over their heads and regular meals - then they simply once again become fair game for the illegal slave-hunters. At least if they are bought by Holders they cannot then be recaptured. Some humanitarian! Either she is woefully, or wilfully, ignorant, or she simply does not care.
There is, of course, one other possibility that comes to mind. Highly unlikely, I suspect, but in these times very little surprises me when it comes to the depths to which humans can sink - what if she is making profit from all of this? It would be no difficult task, striking a deal with slavers whereby she prearranges to buy and free their merchandise, possibly at a prearranged price. After all, she appears, from what I have heard, to have moved very quickly on this transaction. Then it is just a matter of freeing them in a prearranged place, so that they can be taken again, restarting the cycle. Who would question her, with her oh-so-perfect credentials amongst Electus Matari and the other Tribal terrorists? Obviously there would have to be a profit worked into it somewhere along the line, that is how corruption works. I cannot quite fathom where the potential to make the ill-gotten gains may lie, but I am sure it will come to me.
It is, I admit, an astronomically unlikely scenario, but terribly damaging to her reputation were the rumour to start spreading.
Frustratingly, I was unable to take part in the anti-heretic Operation. Sasha informed me that one of our guests in Nafrivik was willing to divulge some important information. In the end, I am not entirely sure how useful the information was, and I do not think it was worth my time at all. Regardless that the Operation apparently netted few material rewards, it was, overall, a success, and I would have preferred to have been there. I was of a mind to take out my frustration on the idiot who wasted my time - it would probably have soften the girl up quickly too - but in the end Constantin distracted me with more enjoyable and wholesome pursuit, although I still worked out some of my frustrations. I am sure the scratches will heal up quickly, and it is not as if anyone else should be seeing his back anyway.
It appears that the station in Tanoo has attracted a market commodity LUMEN would prefer to avoid, though the customers are of particular interest. One of Nauplius' stooges put some slaves up for offer, who were promptly purchased by that shining beacon of humanitarian work, the Tribal Elsebeth Rhainnon. Undoubtedly she will claim she is buying them simply to free them from the clutches of the wicked Empire, but at the very least, to my mind, she comes off as a hypocrite. Providing a market for the very thing she professes to seek to bring an end to! As if Nauplius or any other fleshmonger cares in the slightest who buys them or where they go! Indeed, if she sends them off to take their chances in the slums of the Republic - apparently a better lot in life than a guaranteed roof over their heads and regular meals - then they simply once again become fair game for the illegal slave-hunters. At least if they are bought by Holders they cannot then be recaptured. Some humanitarian! Either she is woefully, or wilfully, ignorant, or she simply does not care.
There is, of course, one other possibility that comes to mind. Highly unlikely, I suspect, but in these times very little surprises me when it comes to the depths to which humans can sink - what if she is making profit from all of this? It would be no difficult task, striking a deal with slavers whereby she prearranges to buy and free their merchandise, possibly at a prearranged price. After all, she appears, from what I have heard, to have moved very quickly on this transaction. Then it is just a matter of freeing them in a prearranged place, so that they can be taken again, restarting the cycle. Who would question her, with her oh-so-perfect credentials amongst Electus Matari and the other Tribal terrorists? Obviously there would have to be a profit worked into it somewhere along the line, that is how corruption works. I cannot quite fathom where the potential to make the ill-gotten gains may lie, but I am sure it will come to me.
It is, I admit, an astronomically unlikely scenario, but terribly damaging to her reputation were the rumour to start spreading.
25-05-YC121
LUMEN are establishing a new station in Tanoo, their stated aim to stimulate the economy of the region. It is very heartening to see our dearest allies expanding. I also find myself rather hopeful it may bring My Beloved even closer to home, though I suppose it is something of a forlorn hope for the moment. Dear Kostya, he speaks of wanting to be the man I deserve, and I know he shall not ask me the question I long to hear from his lips so long as he feels he is not yet that man. I seem utterly unable to convince of the truth - that he is already far more than I deserve. Were he to ask me at this very moment I would say yes. That I cannot convince him of this only shows my failings, and perhaps I am mistaken. Perhaps I see that which is not truly there, blinded by my own overwhelming desire to love and be loved.
I should not think like that, for I know all to well where it will lead. Yet, I cannot help myself.
No doubt there will be a celebration for the establishment of the new station; it may already be happening as I write this, though I assume Kostya would invite me. Sadly however, my duties may not allow me to attend. These heretics Sasha and his team brought in are proving incredibly stubborn, despite the rather forceful techniques of persuasion we have applied. They claim ignorance of any attempt or plot against Lady Llyr, but I am convinced they are hiding something. Still, any group is only as strong as its weakest link, and I think their weakest link is the girl. She has all the outward defiance one would expect from a young woman, but inside is as terrified as a child. I imagine that hearing the interrogations of her co-conspirators has probably undermined her youthful confidence somewhat. It should not be too difficult to gain her trust and get her to talk with a simple turn of kindness. Sometimes it is the time-honoured techniques that net the best results.
Hopefully, I shall be able to take part in the Operation scheduled for later today. The target has not been announced, but I am sure preparations will begin soon. I shall endeavour to avoid any unpleasant encounters such as the one which drew an early close on my participation last time. God Willing!
LUMEN are establishing a new station in Tanoo, their stated aim to stimulate the economy of the region. It is very heartening to see our dearest allies expanding. I also find myself rather hopeful it may bring My Beloved even closer to home, though I suppose it is something of a forlorn hope for the moment. Dear Kostya, he speaks of wanting to be the man I deserve, and I know he shall not ask me the question I long to hear from his lips so long as he feels he is not yet that man. I seem utterly unable to convince of the truth - that he is already far more than I deserve. Were he to ask me at this very moment I would say yes. That I cannot convince him of this only shows my failings, and perhaps I am mistaken. Perhaps I see that which is not truly there, blinded by my own overwhelming desire to love and be loved.
I should not think like that, for I know all to well where it will lead. Yet, I cannot help myself.
No doubt there will be a celebration for the establishment of the new station; it may already be happening as I write this, though I assume Kostya would invite me. Sadly however, my duties may not allow me to attend. These heretics Sasha and his team brought in are proving incredibly stubborn, despite the rather forceful techniques of persuasion we have applied. They claim ignorance of any attempt or plot against Lady Llyr, but I am convinced they are hiding something. Still, any group is only as strong as its weakest link, and I think their weakest link is the girl. She has all the outward defiance one would expect from a young woman, but inside is as terrified as a child. I imagine that hearing the interrogations of her co-conspirators has probably undermined her youthful confidence somewhat. It should not be too difficult to gain her trust and get her to talk with a simple turn of kindness. Sometimes it is the time-honoured techniques that net the best results.
Hopefully, I shall be able to take part in the Operation scheduled for later today. The target has not been announced, but I am sure preparations will begin soon. I shall endeavour to avoid any unpleasant encounters such as the one which drew an early close on my participation last time. God Willing!
20-05-YC121
I spent the entire day with My Darling Kostya. We did absolutely nothing except stay in his rooms and enjoy each other, occasionally order food up from the kitchen whenever we needed to replenish our energy. I did not even get dressed until the sun was beginning to set. It was all wonderfully decadent! Apart from a brief exchange with the yapping Tribals on the IGS whilst My Star was resting, I shut off the outside world all day.
I am reminded, of course, why I bother so little with the IGS. It was rather childish I admit, merely teasing and antagonising Elsebeth - allegedly some sort of "diplomat" for Electus Matari. Of course, that attracted the attention of an entire pack of Tribals, all immediately descending into insults and threats. How tedious, their moronic assumptions that I even care for their gutteral, instinctive animal responses even more so! I am sure they think they are all so terribly clever and the big bad Amarrian has skulked off to lick her wounds. They can convince themselves of such if they wish, I have no desire to waste time and energy to disabuse them of that idiot notion.
Elsebeth does raise an interesting question, of course. Why did the Republic Justice Department make no attempt to secure Zashev? What Elsebeth appears to fail to realise, and what I tried to hint at, was that any troubles the Tribals may have with the RJD likely do not stand in isolation. It is all very well dismissing these Thukker mercenaries as exactly that when they snatch at the largest offer of ISK, but it cannot then be claimed that they are "friendly" to the Tribals.
It also seems they have a little bit of confusion over where the exchange took place. "Extracted by Amarrian loyalists" indeed! I do not think it necessary to clear *that* little mistake up.
Constantin and I went for dinner and a dance in the evening. He takes the weight of others onto his own shoulders through his confessionals, and though he bears it so nobly, I do worry it is too much at times. I do wish I could do more to help you, My Dear Kostya, to aid you with this burden.
He did speak of the worries our Khanid brethren and sistren are facing, with the rapidly escalating tension between Kingdom and Empire. I understand completely, of course, as there are those ignorant enough to assume that all Khanid have motives and intentions as open to question as Chakaid. Those whose loyalty to Her Imperial Majesty is unwavering have nothing to be concerned over, though in these early stages anyone can claim they are acting in the Empress' best interests. I should think it will soon become painfully obvious, however, where this is not the case. Those who are Loyal and Faithful will defend our Comrades, just as we always do.
I spent the entire day with My Darling Kostya. We did absolutely nothing except stay in his rooms and enjoy each other, occasionally order food up from the kitchen whenever we needed to replenish our energy. I did not even get dressed until the sun was beginning to set. It was all wonderfully decadent! Apart from a brief exchange with the yapping Tribals on the IGS whilst My Star was resting, I shut off the outside world all day.
I am reminded, of course, why I bother so little with the IGS. It was rather childish I admit, merely teasing and antagonising Elsebeth - allegedly some sort of "diplomat" for Electus Matari. Of course, that attracted the attention of an entire pack of Tribals, all immediately descending into insults and threats. How tedious, their moronic assumptions that I even care for their gutteral, instinctive animal responses even more so! I am sure they think they are all so terribly clever and the big bad Amarrian has skulked off to lick her wounds. They can convince themselves of such if they wish, I have no desire to waste time and energy to disabuse them of that idiot notion.
Elsebeth does raise an interesting question, of course. Why did the Republic Justice Department make no attempt to secure Zashev? What Elsebeth appears to fail to realise, and what I tried to hint at, was that any troubles the Tribals may have with the RJD likely do not stand in isolation. It is all very well dismissing these Thukker mercenaries as exactly that when they snatch at the largest offer of ISK, but it cannot then be claimed that they are "friendly" to the Tribals.
It also seems they have a little bit of confusion over where the exchange took place. "Extracted by Amarrian loyalists" indeed! I do not think it necessary to clear *that* little mistake up.
Constantin and I went for dinner and a dance in the evening. He takes the weight of others onto his own shoulders through his confessionals, and though he bears it so nobly, I do worry it is too much at times. I do wish I could do more to help you, My Dear Kostya, to aid you with this burden.
He did speak of the worries our Khanid brethren and sistren are facing, with the rapidly escalating tension between Kingdom and Empire. I understand completely, of course, as there are those ignorant enough to assume that all Khanid have motives and intentions as open to question as Chakaid. Those whose loyalty to Her Imperial Majesty is unwavering have nothing to be concerned over, though in these early stages anyone can claim they are acting in the Empress' best interests. I should think it will soon become painfully obvious, however, where this is not the case. Those who are Loyal and Faithful will defend our Comrades, just as we always do.
18-05-YC121
I received the orders at a moment's notice, though that is little surprise given the nature of the mission, though this was not clear when the orders came. I was told only to make all speed to Alkabsi, in a ship suited to heavy combat. I chose TES Medea, a Harbinger-class. Not a vessel I have very much experience in, but it seemed the better option.
It appears that Lord Consort Newelle had taken part in the "auction" of Orlon Zashev - and won!
The exchange had been arranged at the HZO Station. I cannot say that I, in all honesty, approve of dealing directly with these mercenaries, but I would not expect my opinions to be taken into consideration. I am, after all, merely an Ensign, and this decision was quite clearly between the Admirals and Captains. I see their reasoning, of course - how else could be ensure that the criminal was passed, as he should be, to the custody of Lord Sarum?
Regardless, I had expected this to be a small, secretive affair. These exhanges, I understand, are usually done discreetly, neither party wishing to draw attention to themselves. I was quite incorrect, however - most of PIE was there, a number of our LUMEN allies, and even capsuleers from CVA (it seems a lifetime since my time in that Alliance).
I must confess I, like many of us, expected a trap - in the end we got something quite different, and most unexpected.
The Grandmarshal of the Order of Saint Tetrimon arrived. This immediately caused no small amount of nervousness, heightened when he announced he was investigating rumours of seditious activity. It appears that tabloid dirt-rag, The Scope, came upon an image of the Lord Consort and others meeting the Thukker mercenaries earlier that day. Needless to say, The Scope turned it into a pack of lies and made it into something it was not - that said, I do believe that the Lord Consort was careless. There must be a hundred better ways to conduct such a meeting. Does no-one have secure comms any more? Why the need to physically meet before the exchange I do not know.
Unless there was something else occurring at that meeting?
If having the Grandmarshal demand Zashev be handed over to the Order was nerve-wracking, then having the Ministry of Internal Order also arrive and make a counter-demand was more so. I was not the only one who was braced for being declared heretic. Though I was not happy that he had placed himself in such danger, I was reassured by Constantin being there. Lady Llyr was also present, but, again, I am not comfortable with her placing herself at such risk.
In the end, Admiral Newelle, as a vassal of Lord Sarum, stood her ground, and was quite clear, and correct, in stating that given her position, and her obligations to her liege lord, she would not hand Zashev over, and would transport him to the custody of Lord Sarum's investigation. It defused the situation, though we shall now have a fight on our hands within the Imperial Court. I know something of politics - I think I would rather have had the battle.
One would have thought that was the business finished, but as we arrived at the Sarum station in Sarum Prime, the Royal Khanid Navy appeared in force. Fortunately, Lord Sarum's own vessels were present, and the Kingdom is not so brash, yet, to force open conflict with another Heir. I am not the only one thinking, of course, that civil war may very well be anotehr step closer - and we have been instrumental in this.
Once Zashev was secure in Sarum Prime, the fleet was stood down. Constantin and I made all speed to his family's Holding in Amarr. I have never wanted anyone or anything so much in all my life. I think I may have truly exhausted him, and my sleep afterwards was certainly one of satisfaction and fulfillment.
Since waking, however, I have thought more on the confrontation. What if we had been declared heretic, or treasonous? What of my family? They would have to disown me, of course, to save their own position - that is what I would want them to do. Yet, would they? I am not so sure they would. What would that mean for them? For Papa, Mama? For Kolya, Felix, Sasha? Everything would be lost. The deSilvestris family as exiles! It would be difficult, horrendous, but we would survive and we would persevere. Sumus Silvestre.
What if civil war does come? What then? I have taken my oath in PIE, and must stand by it. This places me firmly with Sarum. My family have strong ties to Sarum, of course, so it seems obvious - but Papa being an officer in the Imperial Navy - if the Throne were to remain neutral, then the Navy must also. I suppose that would not be so difficult a position. It would be worse were the Navy to take a side, even if the Throne did not.
It is a terrible vision, one I do not wish to think on, lest it give me nightmares. I wish at times that Constantin and I could just leave together to somewhere far away from all of this. That cannot be, of course, and I must put foolish fantasies from my mind also. For now, I will take my refuge in his bed, find my safety in his arms.
I received the orders at a moment's notice, though that is little surprise given the nature of the mission, though this was not clear when the orders came. I was told only to make all speed to Alkabsi, in a ship suited to heavy combat. I chose TES Medea, a Harbinger-class. Not a vessel I have very much experience in, but it seemed the better option.
It appears that Lord Consort Newelle had taken part in the "auction" of Orlon Zashev - and won!
The exchange had been arranged at the HZO Station. I cannot say that I, in all honesty, approve of dealing directly with these mercenaries, but I would not expect my opinions to be taken into consideration. I am, after all, merely an Ensign, and this decision was quite clearly between the Admirals and Captains. I see their reasoning, of course - how else could be ensure that the criminal was passed, as he should be, to the custody of Lord Sarum?
Regardless, I had expected this to be a small, secretive affair. These exhanges, I understand, are usually done discreetly, neither party wishing to draw attention to themselves. I was quite incorrect, however - most of PIE was there, a number of our LUMEN allies, and even capsuleers from CVA (it seems a lifetime since my time in that Alliance).
I must confess I, like many of us, expected a trap - in the end we got something quite different, and most unexpected.
The Grandmarshal of the Order of Saint Tetrimon arrived. This immediately caused no small amount of nervousness, heightened when he announced he was investigating rumours of seditious activity. It appears that tabloid dirt-rag, The Scope, came upon an image of the Lord Consort and others meeting the Thukker mercenaries earlier that day. Needless to say, The Scope turned it into a pack of lies and made it into something it was not - that said, I do believe that the Lord Consort was careless. There must be a hundred better ways to conduct such a meeting. Does no-one have secure comms any more? Why the need to physically meet before the exchange I do not know.
Unless there was something else occurring at that meeting?
If having the Grandmarshal demand Zashev be handed over to the Order was nerve-wracking, then having the Ministry of Internal Order also arrive and make a counter-demand was more so. I was not the only one who was braced for being declared heretic. Though I was not happy that he had placed himself in such danger, I was reassured by Constantin being there. Lady Llyr was also present, but, again, I am not comfortable with her placing herself at such risk.
In the end, Admiral Newelle, as a vassal of Lord Sarum, stood her ground, and was quite clear, and correct, in stating that given her position, and her obligations to her liege lord, she would not hand Zashev over, and would transport him to the custody of Lord Sarum's investigation. It defused the situation, though we shall now have a fight on our hands within the Imperial Court. I know something of politics - I think I would rather have had the battle.
One would have thought that was the business finished, but as we arrived at the Sarum station in Sarum Prime, the Royal Khanid Navy appeared in force. Fortunately, Lord Sarum's own vessels were present, and the Kingdom is not so brash, yet, to force open conflict with another Heir. I am not the only one thinking, of course, that civil war may very well be anotehr step closer - and we have been instrumental in this.
Once Zashev was secure in Sarum Prime, the fleet was stood down. Constantin and I made all speed to his family's Holding in Amarr. I have never wanted anyone or anything so much in all my life. I think I may have truly exhausted him, and my sleep afterwards was certainly one of satisfaction and fulfillment.
Since waking, however, I have thought more on the confrontation. What if we had been declared heretic, or treasonous? What of my family? They would have to disown me, of course, to save their own position - that is what I would want them to do. Yet, would they? I am not so sure they would. What would that mean for them? For Papa, Mama? For Kolya, Felix, Sasha? Everything would be lost. The deSilvestris family as exiles! It would be difficult, horrendous, but we would survive and we would persevere. Sumus Silvestre.
What if civil war does come? What then? I have taken my oath in PIE, and must stand by it. This places me firmly with Sarum. My family have strong ties to Sarum, of course, so it seems obvious - but Papa being an officer in the Imperial Navy - if the Throne were to remain neutral, then the Navy must also. I suppose that would not be so difficult a position. It would be worse were the Navy to take a side, even if the Throne did not.
It is a terrible vision, one I do not wish to think on, lest it give me nightmares. I wish at times that Constantin and I could just leave together to somewhere far away from all of this. That cannot be, of course, and I must put foolish fantasies from my mind also. For now, I will take my refuge in his bed, find my safety in his arms.
17-05-YC121
Constantin surprised me in Nafrivik last night. I should have known he was up to something when he contacted me vox-only, but it was wonderful to open my door to him. That we have missed each other enormously is obvious in we way our love was so passionate, powerful. I wish i could have him with me every night. Perhaps one day, God Willing.
As much as I love him, and I love him more than I have ever loved anyone, there is some inconvenience to his surprising me. I intended to continue interrogations today, but I think that My Star would not approve of some of our more effective methods. He is such a kind soul, so sweet and gentle, but though I think he understands that sometime more forceful means are required, he does not accept. It is better that he does not know, or knows as little as possible. All these things I must do to protect him, just as all Her Imperial Majesty's subjects. I am sure Sasha and his team can deal with our guests.
Speculation continues over that distasteful auction business with Zashev. Nothing has actually been announced - perhaps the bounty hunters do not even have him after all, or he has managed to escape again. It is hard to tell who, if anyone, has "won" the auction - I do so dislike phrasing it in that way - the mercenary group that claim to have him are, after all, supposedly affiliated with the Tribals, and it is rather hard to imagine they would go against their so-called Elders. Of course, greed, unfortunately, seems to be one of the most powerful driving forces in the universe today - or perhaps that is fortunate? I suppose it depends in whose hands he ends up.
Whoever it is, I personally would be expecting it all to be a trap. Most likely he bounty hunters have already agreed to hand Zashev to the Tribals - totally illegal, but then they have no respect for Imperial Law - and they will lure the "buyer" into a trap, either destroying them or holding them to ransom for even more ill-gotten profit. I could, of course, just be overly suspicious, but I suppose we shall see soon enough. People are beginning to demand an outcome, so I cannot think it is that much further away. Of course, it is not clear how many people are "bidding" in this grotesque circus-show - more than likely groups are constantly outbidding each other.
All of that, however, is not my concern. Constantin will be quite hungry when he awakens - I did rather wear him out - I should begin breakfast.
Constantin surprised me in Nafrivik last night. I should have known he was up to something when he contacted me vox-only, but it was wonderful to open my door to him. That we have missed each other enormously is obvious in we way our love was so passionate, powerful. I wish i could have him with me every night. Perhaps one day, God Willing.
As much as I love him, and I love him more than I have ever loved anyone, there is some inconvenience to his surprising me. I intended to continue interrogations today, but I think that My Star would not approve of some of our more effective methods. He is such a kind soul, so sweet and gentle, but though I think he understands that sometime more forceful means are required, he does not accept. It is better that he does not know, or knows as little as possible. All these things I must do to protect him, just as all Her Imperial Majesty's subjects. I am sure Sasha and his team can deal with our guests.
Speculation continues over that distasteful auction business with Zashev. Nothing has actually been announced - perhaps the bounty hunters do not even have him after all, or he has managed to escape again. It is hard to tell who, if anyone, has "won" the auction - I do so dislike phrasing it in that way - the mercenary group that claim to have him are, after all, supposedly affiliated with the Tribals, and it is rather hard to imagine they would go against their so-called Elders. Of course, greed, unfortunately, seems to be one of the most powerful driving forces in the universe today - or perhaps that is fortunate? I suppose it depends in whose hands he ends up.
Whoever it is, I personally would be expecting it all to be a trap. Most likely he bounty hunters have already agreed to hand Zashev to the Tribals - totally illegal, but then they have no respect for Imperial Law - and they will lure the "buyer" into a trap, either destroying them or holding them to ransom for even more ill-gotten profit. I could, of course, just be overly suspicious, but I suppose we shall see soon enough. People are beginning to demand an outcome, so I cannot think it is that much further away. Of course, it is not clear how many people are "bidding" in this grotesque circus-show - more than likely groups are constantly outbidding each other.
All of that, however, is not my concern. Constantin will be quite hungry when he awakens - I did rather wear him out - I should begin breakfast.
15-05-YC121
I returned to Nafrivik today, or yesterday, as it is now. Alexandr's team has already brought in the first members of that little cult. I was not expected what greeted me in my quarters. Oh, Constantin! I do not know how he does it, but I am so glad he does.
My room is a cascade of flowers, blooming vines hanging for glass baskets that shimmer in the light. It is beautiful! I turn the lights off and the ceiling is left in a dazzling display of colour from the fibre-optics that make the hanging wires for the baskets. Garlands all around the windows.
To crown it all, another of his wonderful, heart-felt poems, in his simply gorgeous handwriting. Oh, how I love him.
It made it a little difficult to concentrate on questioning the group that Alexandr brought in. Interrogating them will take some time, but it has been a simple matter of psychologically preparing them first. I do not believe they have any more resistance than the average civilan, and I will be highly surprised if the first of them does not divulge all they know by the end of tonight. It will not, of course, be our first volunteer, though he is more than likely going to be quite compliant when he recovers. I am confident we will have some valuable intelligence soon enough, and even if they know nothing of the attempt on Her Ladyship's life, they are quite clearly engaged in some form of heresy, and we can simply turn them over to the Ministry.
I have been turning over in my mind something the Lady Chamberlain mentioned in our conversation. It did not occur to me at first, but it suddenly came to me during the interrogation, as I took a moment to ease the soreness from my knuckles, strangely enough. There was a kidnapping attempt against Liana some time ago, though the Lady Chamberlain knew no further details. She did mention, however, that Mr Gelert is aware of it. Perhaps I should question him. There also may be some sort of record of the incident.
A message from My Star. He is missing me terribly it seems, and it sounds as though he is having a troubling time. I am sure our guests will not mind waiting one or two extra nights in their accommodation. It may even give a little more time for the psychological aspects to have more impact. More importantly, seeing My Darling Constantin shall remind me of what it is I protect, and take my mind from the more distasteful, but necessary, aspects of intelligence gathering.
I returned to Nafrivik today, or yesterday, as it is now. Alexandr's team has already brought in the first members of that little cult. I was not expected what greeted me in my quarters. Oh, Constantin! I do not know how he does it, but I am so glad he does.
My room is a cascade of flowers, blooming vines hanging for glass baskets that shimmer in the light. It is beautiful! I turn the lights off and the ceiling is left in a dazzling display of colour from the fibre-optics that make the hanging wires for the baskets. Garlands all around the windows.
To crown it all, another of his wonderful, heart-felt poems, in his simply gorgeous handwriting. Oh, how I love him.
It made it a little difficult to concentrate on questioning the group that Alexandr brought in. Interrogating them will take some time, but it has been a simple matter of psychologically preparing them first. I do not believe they have any more resistance than the average civilan, and I will be highly surprised if the first of them does not divulge all they know by the end of tonight. It will not, of course, be our first volunteer, though he is more than likely going to be quite compliant when he recovers. I am confident we will have some valuable intelligence soon enough, and even if they know nothing of the attempt on Her Ladyship's life, they are quite clearly engaged in some form of heresy, and we can simply turn them over to the Ministry.
I have been turning over in my mind something the Lady Chamberlain mentioned in our conversation. It did not occur to me at first, but it suddenly came to me during the interrogation, as I took a moment to ease the soreness from my knuckles, strangely enough. There was a kidnapping attempt against Liana some time ago, though the Lady Chamberlain knew no further details. She did mention, however, that Mr Gelert is aware of it. Perhaps I should question him. There also may be some sort of record of the incident.
A message from My Star. He is missing me terribly it seems, and it sounds as though he is having a troubling time. I am sure our guests will not mind waiting one or two extra nights in their accommodation. It may even give a little more time for the psychological aspects to have more impact. More importantly, seeing My Darling Constantin shall remind me of what it is I protect, and take my mind from the more distasteful, but necessary, aspects of intelligence gathering.
12-05-YC121
Doctor Monakh released her first report on the toxin used against Liana. It is interesting, and generated a number of further questions, but nothing, as yet, that can clearly identify a person or group who may be responsible. The good Doctor, along with her colleague Doctor. Cottle, are continuing their studies.
It appears that it was a biologically-altered mutagen, designed to target certain nerve centres in her brain. Fortunately for Liana, the brains of capsuleers are altered to a degree that the mutagen could not find its targets, and the illnesses suffered by those affected were side-effects.
Whilst it was designed to attack Liana's DNA specifically, there are any number of means by which this unseen enemy may have obtained this, and it is unlikely we will find a solid lead from this. However, the creation of such a weapon requires specialised facilities, as well as the knowledge and skill. This, I feel, is likely to give us our best lead - it cannot be easy to hide all traces of creating or using such a facility, not to mention acquiring the inital pathogen.
I spoke to Constantin. It appears he has more duties than he originally led me to believe, and of a nature not readily made public. I do so hope he will be careful. Perhaps Papa's contacts may be of some use to him.
I did not tell him about the cuts on my arm. I know I should not keep secrets from him, but after what he told me, ironically itself in secrecy, I do not wish to burden him with worries over my weakness. I am sure the next time I see him they will have healed, and if not, I can use another body. I would prefer not to, as it makes me to violently sick, but better a little discomfort for me than endless worries for My Love.
Directrix Aspenstar wished to speak to me about a somewhat urgent matter. I should contact her.
11-05-YC121
Another loss.
I thought I had managed to get away, barely, but the ship's systems went offline, connection between my pod and the ship broke, and by the time I had reconnected, the enemy had caught up with me and destroyed my ship. I was fortunate, I suppose, that my pod was spared.
So, with my Prophecy-class destroyed, I shall be unable to take part in the Operation against the Heretics later today. It feel as though this is some sign from God that my purpose lies elsewhere, that I am not suited to the larger classes of ship. The only reason I had even fitted a Battlecruiser was because it has become so obvious Frigates are of no use in these Operations. That said, I have hardly proved much use in Frigate-class vessels either.
I am angry at myself. I should have known better, been more careful. I was surprised, and I did not react well. I think perhaps I am unsuited to combat, and if that is so, what use am I to the Praetorians, to the Crusade?
Already I can feel that Darkness uncoiling within. I am trying, trying, to lock my mind against what I know will now come - the self-doubt, the self-recrimination, the self-hate. The self-harm. Like some slow, heavy, dark tendrils, they will worm their way into my mind, no matter how hard I resist. Weak, slow, useless; and there is only ever one release, one relief.
I wish Constantin were here, though he would doubtless be ashamed of me. He would not say it, he would fill my world with kindness and love, but he would be, deep down. How could he not be? To have a lover so weak, so pathetic. I do not deserve him. He deserves better. Yet how I wish he was here. I wish, I wish, I wish.
Wishes never really come true.
Another loss.
I thought I had managed to get away, barely, but the ship's systems went offline, connection between my pod and the ship broke, and by the time I had reconnected, the enemy had caught up with me and destroyed my ship. I was fortunate, I suppose, that my pod was spared.
So, with my Prophecy-class destroyed, I shall be unable to take part in the Operation against the Heretics later today. It feel as though this is some sign from God that my purpose lies elsewhere, that I am not suited to the larger classes of ship. The only reason I had even fitted a Battlecruiser was because it has become so obvious Frigates are of no use in these Operations. That said, I have hardly proved much use in Frigate-class vessels either.
I am angry at myself. I should have known better, been more careful. I was surprised, and I did not react well. I think perhaps I am unsuited to combat, and if that is so, what use am I to the Praetorians, to the Crusade?
Already I can feel that Darkness uncoiling within. I am trying, trying, to lock my mind against what I know will now come - the self-doubt, the self-recrimination, the self-hate. The self-harm. Like some slow, heavy, dark tendrils, they will worm their way into my mind, no matter how hard I resist. Weak, slow, useless; and there is only ever one release, one relief.
I wish Constantin were here, though he would doubtless be ashamed of me. He would not say it, he would fill my world with kindness and love, but he would be, deep down. How could he not be? To have a lover so weak, so pathetic. I do not deserve him. He deserves better. Yet how I wish he was here. I wish, I wish, I wish.
Wishes never really come true.
10-05-YC121
The so-called auction of Orlon Zashev continues to garner the attention of most. How that criminal fell into the hands of a Tribal slave-gang I do not know, nor care, but by rights he should have been given to the custody of Imperial Justice immediately. Then again, that would not have brought the gang nearly so much profit. Instead they have paraded him around in a grotesque display of greed, and, of course, most people have danced to their sickening tune.
He has reached astronomical price, no doubt, and whoever is successful in this distasteful carnival will no doubt be deafened by the outraged howls of those who feel they have been cheated in some way. As if the tribals of the Republic have any right to bring to trial, or whatever passes for a trial in their failed society, a subject of Her Imperial Majesty. Despite his vile conduct against innocent people, he is still an Imperial Subject, and he should face Imperial Justice. I can only hope that someone loyal to the Empire wins this bid, though I also hope that they seek proper penance for partaking in this show. I am sure they can find absolution for a "necessary evil". Once they do have him secured it would only be proper and right that he then be given to the custody of Lord Sarum.
One can only pray that God allows Justice to be done!
There is to be another Operation against the Heretics tomorrow. I shall not be commanding an Executioner-class sadly, not after the last time proved it is no longer suitable. Admiral Xideinis requested I design a fit for a Coercer-class, with as much range to its armament as possible. I must say my intial design was passable, though the Admiral has not made any further comments. I do not know if he will want to command such a vessel, but I have ordered a Prophecy-class prepared in any event.
I wonder if Constantin will join us again. It would be wonderful to see him, though I shall pray he does not fall afoul of the enemy's guns this time. Though he was unharmed and the vast majority, perhaps all, of his crew abandoned ship in time, it was a terrible sight to behold. I have had nightmares of losing him ever since, though I have not told him. He will simply worry for me. I jsut hold him a little tighter every time I am with him.
The so-called auction of Orlon Zashev continues to garner the attention of most. How that criminal fell into the hands of a Tribal slave-gang I do not know, nor care, but by rights he should have been given to the custody of Imperial Justice immediately. Then again, that would not have brought the gang nearly so much profit. Instead they have paraded him around in a grotesque display of greed, and, of course, most people have danced to their sickening tune.
He has reached astronomical price, no doubt, and whoever is successful in this distasteful carnival will no doubt be deafened by the outraged howls of those who feel they have been cheated in some way. As if the tribals of the Republic have any right to bring to trial, or whatever passes for a trial in their failed society, a subject of Her Imperial Majesty. Despite his vile conduct against innocent people, he is still an Imperial Subject, and he should face Imperial Justice. I can only hope that someone loyal to the Empire wins this bid, though I also hope that they seek proper penance for partaking in this show. I am sure they can find absolution for a "necessary evil". Once they do have him secured it would only be proper and right that he then be given to the custody of Lord Sarum.
One can only pray that God allows Justice to be done!
There is to be another Operation against the Heretics tomorrow. I shall not be commanding an Executioner-class sadly, not after the last time proved it is no longer suitable. Admiral Xideinis requested I design a fit for a Coercer-class, with as much range to its armament as possible. I must say my intial design was passable, though the Admiral has not made any further comments. I do not know if he will want to command such a vessel, but I have ordered a Prophecy-class prepared in any event.
I wonder if Constantin will join us again. It would be wonderful to see him, though I shall pray he does not fall afoul of the enemy's guns this time. Though he was unharmed and the vast majority, perhaps all, of his crew abandoned ship in time, it was a terrible sight to behold. I have had nightmares of losing him ever since, though I have not told him. He will simply worry for me. I jsut hold him a little tighter every time I am with him.
08-05-YC121
An interesting development! It seem there is some form of small cult on Nafrivik, worshipping some ancient pre-Empire totem of the sea. Perhaps cult is too strong a word, given that Lady Llyr describes it as only a small group, but it may well be worth investigating. Apparently the people are overjoyed at having a Deacon arrive on the planet to lead them in The Faith - I must thank Constantin for arranging this. It is rather concerning that the people's spiritual needs were neglected for so long. I find it most surprising that the previous Holder - Liana's real father - would allow such an important aspect of his subjects' lives to be almost abandoned. Perhaps this, too, will require further investigation.
I will ask Ms Monakh if the original source of the toxin, before it was bio-engineered, can be determined. I shall not at all be surprised if it occurs naturally in some of the oceanic fauna of Nafrivik. That would certainly assist in identifying the terrorists behind this.
As for Ms Monakh, Liana confirmed that they are having a relationship. Surprisingly, however, she seems to be very understanding that so long as Ms Monkah is not of The Faith, their being together is not only inappropriate, but will also be completely unacceptable to Her Ladyship's subjects. That Ms Monakh is older - apparently notably so - is less relevant, though her already having a family may upset some of the more conservative elements, but as long as she refuses to convert it cannot be.
It was rather touching and humbling the way Liana seems to accept this. She is saddened, certainly, and for one so young and innocent to feel pain of the heart in this way is indeed tragic. Liana has an inner strength of character that is not readily apparent, it seems. Were Constantin and I to be forbidden to be together, I do not think I would bare it nearly so well.
An interesting development! It seem there is some form of small cult on Nafrivik, worshipping some ancient pre-Empire totem of the sea. Perhaps cult is too strong a word, given that Lady Llyr describes it as only a small group, but it may well be worth investigating. Apparently the people are overjoyed at having a Deacon arrive on the planet to lead them in The Faith - I must thank Constantin for arranging this. It is rather concerning that the people's spiritual needs were neglected for so long. I find it most surprising that the previous Holder - Liana's real father - would allow such an important aspect of his subjects' lives to be almost abandoned. Perhaps this, too, will require further investigation.
I will ask Ms Monakh if the original source of the toxin, before it was bio-engineered, can be determined. I shall not at all be surprised if it occurs naturally in some of the oceanic fauna of Nafrivik. That would certainly assist in identifying the terrorists behind this.
As for Ms Monakh, Liana confirmed that they are having a relationship. Surprisingly, however, she seems to be very understanding that so long as Ms Monkah is not of The Faith, their being together is not only inappropriate, but will also be completely unacceptable to Her Ladyship's subjects. That Ms Monakh is older - apparently notably so - is less relevant, though her already having a family may upset some of the more conservative elements, but as long as she refuses to convert it cannot be.
It was rather touching and humbling the way Liana seems to accept this. She is saddened, certainly, and for one so young and innocent to feel pain of the heart in this way is indeed tragic. Liana has an inner strength of character that is not readily apparent, it seems. Were Constantin and I to be forbidden to be together, I do not think I would bare it nearly so well.
05-05-YC121
God and The Eternal Empress both smiled upon our work.
The enemy we expected did not come, for what reason I do not know, but an enemy came. Opportunists, I believe. Regardless, they could not stand before us. LUMEN forces and their allies were victorious, and suffered no casualties. I even managed to get four assists. Though I disapprove of the barbaric competitiveness, and the rather bloodthirsty name, it shall no doubt make my so-called "killboard" look marginally better, for those who follow such things.
New Eden was even more beautiful than I had expected to be, though it was tinged with a little sadness. Not so much that humans should continue their warlike ways in the very spots where our species was reborn, but rather that I had hoped to share the moment with someone special. There was a bittersweet amusement to the fact that Amadin Wa-Sethna was there, who not that long ago had been most enthusiastic - and not a little romantic - in wanting to spontaneously go and visit New Eden with me. It appears that Directrix Aspenstar has not only persuaded him to join LUMEN, but also embark upon significantly closer relationship. I am pleased for the Directrix, she deserves to be happy, though I would have thought Amadin, sweet as he is, rather unpolished for her. Perhaps that is just the smallest pangs of jealousy speaking.
I should not be jealous, and really I have nothing to be jeaous of, but it does hurt, just a little, that the moment to see such a wonderous sight as the Eve Gate for the first time with someone else is now lost forever. I expect Constantin has already been there, and so the moment was actually lost before I knew it anyway.
I am Blessed for what I have, and must not regret those thing I cannot have.
The operation did not coincide with my usual sleep cycle, and the thrity-three jumps back to home was a little too much for me to face. I stopped for a few hours rest in Pakhshi before continuing. I am home in Nakri now, and shall spend a few hours with my family before moving on to Nafrivik again. I sent a message to Constantin, to tell him the operation went well. I should check to see if he has replied.
God and The Eternal Empress both smiled upon our work.
The enemy we expected did not come, for what reason I do not know, but an enemy came. Opportunists, I believe. Regardless, they could not stand before us. LUMEN forces and their allies were victorious, and suffered no casualties. I even managed to get four assists. Though I disapprove of the barbaric competitiveness, and the rather bloodthirsty name, it shall no doubt make my so-called "killboard" look marginally better, for those who follow such things.
New Eden was even more beautiful than I had expected to be, though it was tinged with a little sadness. Not so much that humans should continue their warlike ways in the very spots where our species was reborn, but rather that I had hoped to share the moment with someone special. There was a bittersweet amusement to the fact that Amadin Wa-Sethna was there, who not that long ago had been most enthusiastic - and not a little romantic - in wanting to spontaneously go and visit New Eden with me. It appears that Directrix Aspenstar has not only persuaded him to join LUMEN, but also embark upon significantly closer relationship. I am pleased for the Directrix, she deserves to be happy, though I would have thought Amadin, sweet as he is, rather unpolished for her. Perhaps that is just the smallest pangs of jealousy speaking.
I should not be jealous, and really I have nothing to be jeaous of, but it does hurt, just a little, that the moment to see such a wonderous sight as the Eve Gate for the first time with someone else is now lost forever. I expect Constantin has already been there, and so the moment was actually lost before I knew it anyway.
I am Blessed for what I have, and must not regret those thing I cannot have.
The operation did not coincide with my usual sleep cycle, and the thrity-three jumps back to home was a little too much for me to face. I stopped for a few hours rest in Pakhshi before continuing. I am home in Nakri now, and shall spend a few hours with my family before moving on to Nafrivik again. I sent a message to Constantin, to tell him the operation went well. I should check to see if he has replied.
04-05-YC121
It is but a few hours until a very important operation. It is not a PIE operation, rather it is for our most valued ally, LUMEN, and there is therefore no requirement for me to be a part of it, yet I choose to be. It is a way for me to give thanks. LUMEN stand amongst The Faithful, and are surely blessed in the Sight of God. To help them, even in a small way, to lend assistance even though my skills as a capsuleer are weak and insignificant, is to give thanks to God and My Eternal Empress for all the Blessings that have been granted unto me. For LUMEN is a Blessing to me - I count many of their number as my friends, and they have, in various ways, helped and assisted me, been there when I needed someone, even if I did not know it. More than anything, of course, is the undeniable fact that LUMEN has been the vector through which I was gifted the greatest Blessing of all.
Without LUMEN, I might never have been Blessed with My Star, My Love, My Constantin.
There is always a chance, no matter how small, that operations may result in Final Death for a capsuleer. It is rare, but it does happen. Should God decree that my Final Day has come, that I am to pass beyond this life into the next, I accept it with Grace, for it is God's Will. If it shall come to pass, I shall await My Constantin, even if it should take an Eternity to be reunited with him. I shall not fear, nor grow saddened, for I know that I shall be kept strong and be warmed by the Power of his Love for me, and my Love for him.
He shall not be there for this, for his duties keep him in the Republic. There is a part, a selfish part of me, that dearly wishes he could be here, in Nakri, waiting by the medical bay. If my pod is destroyed and all runs as it should, I would fare much better to awaken anew with My Love waiting for me. Clone jumping has always made me to violently sick, but his tender touch would soon steady me.
It is strange that these thought should come upon me so strongly this night. I have faced this possibility before - indeed, face it every time I undock. Perhaps it because of poor, dear Alizabeth's death, or the attacks on Lady Llyr, Captain Elkin, or Admiral and Captain Newelle. Perhaps it is that I thought I carried Constantin's child and had a glimpse of a future I thought forever denied me. Perhaps it is all of those, or something else entirely that I cannot name.
Should such a thing happen, then my Will is in order. All I own should be given to my family, along with the letters addressed to each of them - Papa, Mama, Kolya, Felix, Sasha. Even dear old Dzerzhinsky. Okhrana and Cheka shall stay at home, of course. They shall be well looked after.
A letter to Sirna, also.
All notes on the investigation into the attack on Lady Llyr I have instructed to be passed to Alexandr. I do not know how quickly, or even if, Lady Llyr will replace me, but I hope she retains the services of my brother and his unit until such time as they can agree it is no longer necessary.
I should go for a Blessing and Confession with Father Mikhail. He shall be at the Chapel as always. Then I should get some rest before leaving for New Eden. How strange to think that this shall be the first time I have ever been there - I never did visit with Amadin, in the end.
I have been Loved by the most beautiful soul in Creation. I could have wished for nothing more.
Constantin - I Love You.
It is but a few hours until a very important operation. It is not a PIE operation, rather it is for our most valued ally, LUMEN, and there is therefore no requirement for me to be a part of it, yet I choose to be. It is a way for me to give thanks. LUMEN stand amongst The Faithful, and are surely blessed in the Sight of God. To help them, even in a small way, to lend assistance even though my skills as a capsuleer are weak and insignificant, is to give thanks to God and My Eternal Empress for all the Blessings that have been granted unto me. For LUMEN is a Blessing to me - I count many of their number as my friends, and they have, in various ways, helped and assisted me, been there when I needed someone, even if I did not know it. More than anything, of course, is the undeniable fact that LUMEN has been the vector through which I was gifted the greatest Blessing of all.
Without LUMEN, I might never have been Blessed with My Star, My Love, My Constantin.
There is always a chance, no matter how small, that operations may result in Final Death for a capsuleer. It is rare, but it does happen. Should God decree that my Final Day has come, that I am to pass beyond this life into the next, I accept it with Grace, for it is God's Will. If it shall come to pass, I shall await My Constantin, even if it should take an Eternity to be reunited with him. I shall not fear, nor grow saddened, for I know that I shall be kept strong and be warmed by the Power of his Love for me, and my Love for him.
He shall not be there for this, for his duties keep him in the Republic. There is a part, a selfish part of me, that dearly wishes he could be here, in Nakri, waiting by the medical bay. If my pod is destroyed and all runs as it should, I would fare much better to awaken anew with My Love waiting for me. Clone jumping has always made me to violently sick, but his tender touch would soon steady me.
It is strange that these thought should come upon me so strongly this night. I have faced this possibility before - indeed, face it every time I undock. Perhaps it because of poor, dear Alizabeth's death, or the attacks on Lady Llyr, Captain Elkin, or Admiral and Captain Newelle. Perhaps it is that I thought I carried Constantin's child and had a glimpse of a future I thought forever denied me. Perhaps it is all of those, or something else entirely that I cannot name.
Should such a thing happen, then my Will is in order. All I own should be given to my family, along with the letters addressed to each of them - Papa, Mama, Kolya, Felix, Sasha. Even dear old Dzerzhinsky. Okhrana and Cheka shall stay at home, of course. They shall be well looked after.
A letter to Sirna, also.
All notes on the investigation into the attack on Lady Llyr I have instructed to be passed to Alexandr. I do not know how quickly, or even if, Lady Llyr will replace me, but I hope she retains the services of my brother and his unit until such time as they can agree it is no longer necessary.
I should go for a Blessing and Confession with Father Mikhail. He shall be at the Chapel as always. Then I should get some rest before leaving for New Eden. How strange to think that this shall be the first time I have ever been there - I never did visit with Amadin, in the end.
I have been Loved by the most beautiful soul in Creation. I could have wished for nothing more.
Constantin - I Love You.
04-05-YC121
There has been another horrific attack. This time on Captain Elkin's very own home! An arson attack. I was preparing to leave for Nafrivik when the news broke. Constantin had also head the news, and met me in Amarr. We both offered our help to Captain Elkin, just before Lady Elkin released a statement, confirming most of the beautiful gardens had been destroyed and, more terrible by far, members of the family were missing. I shall pray to God, and to Her, that they return safely. Sometimes I wish these unseen enemies would turn their attentions to me directly - thoughby God's Grace not my family - so that then, at least, those I care for and admire would not be so terribly harmed and hounded.
We must have Faith. We will track them down.
Captain Elkin did not require anything from me, so Constantin and I left for Nafrivik. I have never been to Dawn Star before, Lady Llyr's Astrahus. It looks down upon the planet, such a beautiful Cerulean blue. Her Ladyship has so kindly appointed me quarters with large windows that face the planet, as well as rooms planetside. She has even set aside a contruction team with orders to build whatsoever I may wish upon a small island. It is touching that she has done this, for perhaps Constantin and I can create ourselves a small private retreat here.
We met with Lady Llyr's cousin, Gwyneth. The Lady Chamberlain had some most interesting information regarding Her Ladyship. It appears Argos, her "brother" - in reality her long standing bodyguard, which Her Ladyship has already told me - has, it transpires given Her Ladyship a significant amount of self-defence training. As such, the Lady Chamberlain believes a security escort unnecessary. Whilst in some ways that may be the case, I am inclined to have it remain. Whilst Lady Llyr may be able to defend herself from an immediate and obvious threat - though such a thing is highly unlikely - the training that Alexandr's team have will ensure that other, less obvious threats, are detected and dealt with before they become a problem.
The Lady Chamberlain is still recovering from the effects of the toxin, and it is interesting that she seems more effected than Lady Llyr. She agreed to provide a list of the current staff, to aid in teh investigation, and that was quite enough for a first meeting, so I suggested she rest. Besides, I wanted some time alone with My Star. There was, however, something that the Lady Chamberlain mentioned that seemed a little strange, though I have not been able to quite place what it was. I shall have to think over it.
Constantin and I went to my, or more accurately our quarters. They were beautiful. We sat and talk for a long time, just wanting be near each other, to spend as much time together as we can before our duties take us different directions again. The attack on Captain Elkin, and the gathering clouds of conflict that threaten us, also drive us to be as near to one another as possible, both spiritually and physically.
The Dawn Star is, I am told, in geosynchronous orbit above Lady Llyr's Holding in such a position that it appears as the morning star when dawn breaks there. We made love beneath, even against, those huge, floor-to-ceiling windows, the planet below us. Slowly, gently, lovingly. We reached climax together as dawn would have been breaking below. It was perfect.
He is sleeping soundly as I write this, but he shall have to leave for his Archdiocese as soon as he wakes. He looks so peaceful. I hope he is at peace, here with me. He looks warm too.
There has been another horrific attack. This time on Captain Elkin's very own home! An arson attack. I was preparing to leave for Nafrivik when the news broke. Constantin had also head the news, and met me in Amarr. We both offered our help to Captain Elkin, just before Lady Elkin released a statement, confirming most of the beautiful gardens had been destroyed and, more terrible by far, members of the family were missing. I shall pray to God, and to Her, that they return safely. Sometimes I wish these unseen enemies would turn their attentions to me directly - thoughby God's Grace not my family - so that then, at least, those I care for and admire would not be so terribly harmed and hounded.
We must have Faith. We will track them down.
Captain Elkin did not require anything from me, so Constantin and I left for Nafrivik. I have never been to Dawn Star before, Lady Llyr's Astrahus. It looks down upon the planet, such a beautiful Cerulean blue. Her Ladyship has so kindly appointed me quarters with large windows that face the planet, as well as rooms planetside. She has even set aside a contruction team with orders to build whatsoever I may wish upon a small island. It is touching that she has done this, for perhaps Constantin and I can create ourselves a small private retreat here.
We met with Lady Llyr's cousin, Gwyneth. The Lady Chamberlain had some most interesting information regarding Her Ladyship. It appears Argos, her "brother" - in reality her long standing bodyguard, which Her Ladyship has already told me - has, it transpires given Her Ladyship a significant amount of self-defence training. As such, the Lady Chamberlain believes a security escort unnecessary. Whilst in some ways that may be the case, I am inclined to have it remain. Whilst Lady Llyr may be able to defend herself from an immediate and obvious threat - though such a thing is highly unlikely - the training that Alexandr's team have will ensure that other, less obvious threats, are detected and dealt with before they become a problem.
The Lady Chamberlain is still recovering from the effects of the toxin, and it is interesting that she seems more effected than Lady Llyr. She agreed to provide a list of the current staff, to aid in teh investigation, and that was quite enough for a first meeting, so I suggested she rest. Besides, I wanted some time alone with My Star. There was, however, something that the Lady Chamberlain mentioned that seemed a little strange, though I have not been able to quite place what it was. I shall have to think over it.
Constantin and I went to my, or more accurately our quarters. They were beautiful. We sat and talk for a long time, just wanting be near each other, to spend as much time together as we can before our duties take us different directions again. The attack on Captain Elkin, and the gathering clouds of conflict that threaten us, also drive us to be as near to one another as possible, both spiritually and physically.
The Dawn Star is, I am told, in geosynchronous orbit above Lady Llyr's Holding in such a position that it appears as the morning star when dawn breaks there. We made love beneath, even against, those huge, floor-to-ceiling windows, the planet below us. Slowly, gently, lovingly. We reached climax together as dawn would have been breaking below. It was perfect.
He is sleeping soundly as I write this, but he shall have to leave for his Archdiocese as soon as he wakes. He looks so peaceful. I hope he is at peace, here with me. He looks warm too.
02-05-YC121
Today brought some useful intelligence regarding the attempt on Liana. As I was preparing to leave Gottin's Lamp, Directrix Aspenstar came by to see how I was. We swapped information over tea, although it appears, suprisingly, I had more to work with than she. With the Directrix was a young woman by name of Cilisa, a friend and retainer of Liana, who is apparently responsible for the export of produce from the Holding. Cilisa had also fallen ill, around the same time as Liana, but had not been in direct contact with Her Ladyship, and therefore could not have been affected in that manner. Rather, and very interestingly, she had dined in the Astrahus facility owned by Liana. It is imperative that all the household staff, most important those in any way connected with the kitchens, be interrogated as soon as possible.
Unfortunately, one of the security detail assigned directly to Liana attempted to enter a restricted area of the SFRIM facilities. No damage has been caused, of course, and I have apologised to the Directrix, but it does mean that there may be some areas where Liana cannot be guarded as closely as I would like. She should be quite safe within SFRIM and LUMEN stations, but until I identify who is responsible for this attack, I can make no assumptions. The current security detail have been most vigilant, but only temporary. They should be replaced within the next day or two by Alexandr's team. I have absolute faith that my brother will uncovered the key to his entire affair, through whatever means necessary.
Today brought some useful intelligence regarding the attempt on Liana. As I was preparing to leave Gottin's Lamp, Directrix Aspenstar came by to see how I was. We swapped information over tea, although it appears, suprisingly, I had more to work with than she. With the Directrix was a young woman by name of Cilisa, a friend and retainer of Liana, who is apparently responsible for the export of produce from the Holding. Cilisa had also fallen ill, around the same time as Liana, but had not been in direct contact with Her Ladyship, and therefore could not have been affected in that manner. Rather, and very interestingly, she had dined in the Astrahus facility owned by Liana. It is imperative that all the household staff, most important those in any way connected with the kitchens, be interrogated as soon as possible.
Unfortunately, one of the security detail assigned directly to Liana attempted to enter a restricted area of the SFRIM facilities. No damage has been caused, of course, and I have apologised to the Directrix, but it does mean that there may be some areas where Liana cannot be guarded as closely as I would like. She should be quite safe within SFRIM and LUMEN stations, but until I identify who is responsible for this attack, I can make no assumptions. The current security detail have been most vigilant, but only temporary. They should be replaced within the next day or two by Alexandr's team. I have absolute faith that my brother will uncovered the key to his entire affair, through whatever means necessary.
01-05-YC121
I feel stronger and happier, though Constantin asked some difficult questions about the cuts on my arm. It is so hard to explain it to him, about how my Darkness drives such a need. Perhaps one day I will be able to make him understand. I hope he does not leave me before then.
We spoke of more pleasant things soon enough, of names for our future children, should God bless us with such. Darling Constantin suggested naming our first born son after Papa, with his own Vindar name as a middle name. I think that is a wonderful thought. He seemed less enthusiastic with my wishes for a daughter's name - I so want to honour Alizabeth and Her and name my first daughter after them, and I even suggested giving her Constantin's mother's name as a first name. He did not seem to like it, and I must confess that leaves me feeling disappointed. I cannot even choose names properly.
There has been an interesting development with Liana. It appears that she and her cousin, who acts as her Chamerlain, were the first to take ill, after being served dinner. I have already instructed the security detail to detain and question all the staff who were in the kitchens that day, and to use whatever interrogation techniques may be necessary to obtain information.
Liana cannot think of who would have a motive to make an attempt against her life, but this must have been done for a reason. Were she to have died, her family line - for she is, in fact, the daughter of the previous Holder - would have been extinguished. I must find out, therefore, who would stand to gain from this, and perhaps inherit, or at least have a claim upon, the Holding.
There is much work to do, and, I fear, little time. The assassin has failed this time, but they will undoubtedly make another attempt.
I feel stronger and happier, though Constantin asked some difficult questions about the cuts on my arm. It is so hard to explain it to him, about how my Darkness drives such a need. Perhaps one day I will be able to make him understand. I hope he does not leave me before then.
We spoke of more pleasant things soon enough, of names for our future children, should God bless us with such. Darling Constantin suggested naming our first born son after Papa, with his own Vindar name as a middle name. I think that is a wonderful thought. He seemed less enthusiastic with my wishes for a daughter's name - I so want to honour Alizabeth and Her and name my first daughter after them, and I even suggested giving her Constantin's mother's name as a first name. He did not seem to like it, and I must confess that leaves me feeling disappointed. I cannot even choose names properly.
There has been an interesting development with Liana. It appears that she and her cousin, who acts as her Chamerlain, were the first to take ill, after being served dinner. I have already instructed the security detail to detain and question all the staff who were in the kitchens that day, and to use whatever interrogation techniques may be necessary to obtain information.
Liana cannot think of who would have a motive to make an attempt against her life, but this must have been done for a reason. Were she to have died, her family line - for she is, in fact, the daughter of the previous Holder - would have been extinguished. I must find out, therefore, who would stand to gain from this, and perhaps inherit, or at least have a claim upon, the Holding.
There is much work to do, and, I fear, little time. The assassin has failed this time, but they will undoubtedly make another attempt.
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