You're where the Wild Things are...

An in-character blog set in the universe of EVE Online. These are the private diary entries of Lady Ekaterina Mariya deSilvestris, a minor Amarrian Noble and Capsuleer. Other existing characters within EVE will be referred to throughout, though any opinions and views expressed are those of this character. These entries may touch on or directly address mature themes such as violence, sexuality, race and ethnicity, and mental health. As noted, any views are those of the character.

Before we begin, I feel it important to say a few words on the subject of mental health. Ekaterina, or Ekat as many call her, is something of a troubled soul. This aspect of her character is a personal choice I have made, for very personal reasons. Although EVE is a game in which the players can immerse themselves to a greater or lesser degree as they wish, mental health is a very real issue for many people. Those two simple words cover a myriad different issues and concerns that affect people directly or indirectly every day all, over the world.

If you find yourself affected by any issues touched upon in these posts, or if you face your own troubles, please know that there are people out there you can turn to; doctors, friends, family - there is ALWAYS someone. If you are an EVE player, then Broadcast 4 Reps chat is available, staffed by wonderfully kind and good-hearted volunteers. If you know of someone who has mental health issues, then please just let them know you are there. It doesn't have to be anything big, just a smile, a cup of tea, a quick phone call about last night's game - just a little thing to show they aren't forgotten.

You Never Fly Alone.
04-05-YC121

It is but a few hours until a very important operation.  It is not a PIE operation, rather it is for our most valued ally, LUMEN, and there is therefore no requirement for me to be a part of it, yet I choose to be. It is a way for me to give thanks.  LUMEN stand amongst The Faithful, and are surely blessed in the Sight of God.  To help them, even in a small way, to lend assistance even though my skills as a capsuleer are weak and insignificant, is to give thanks to God and My Eternal Empress for all the Blessings that have been granted unto me.  For LUMEN is a Blessing to me - I count many of their number as my friends, and they have, in various ways, helped and assisted me, been there when I needed someone, even if I did not know it.  More than anything, of course, is the undeniable fact that LUMEN has been the vector through which I was gifted the greatest Blessing of all.

Without LUMEN, I might never have been Blessed with My Star, My Love, My Constantin.

There is always a chance, no matter how small, that operations may result in Final Death for a capsuleer.  It is rare, but it does happen.  Should God decree that my Final Day has come, that I am to pass beyond this life into the next, I accept it with Grace, for it is God's Will.  If it shall come to pass, I shall await My Constantin, even if it should take an Eternity to be reunited with him.  I shall not fear, nor grow saddened, for I know that I shall be kept strong and be warmed by the Power of his Love for me, and my Love for him.

He shall not be there for this, for his duties keep him in the Republic.  There is a part, a selfish part of me, that dearly wishes he could be here, in Nakri, waiting by the medical bay.  If my pod is destroyed and all runs as it should, I would fare much better to awaken anew with My Love waiting for me.  Clone jumping has always made me to violently sick, but his tender touch would soon steady me.

It is strange that these thought should come upon me so strongly this night.  I have faced this possibility before - indeed, face it every time I undock.  Perhaps it because of poor, dear Alizabeth's death, or the attacks on Lady Llyr, Captain Elkin, or Admiral and Captain Newelle.  Perhaps it is that I thought I carried Constantin's child and had a glimpse of a future I thought forever denied me.  Perhaps it is all of those, or something else entirely that I cannot name.

Should such a thing happen, then my Will is in order.  All I own should be given to my family, along with the letters addressed to each of them - Papa, Mama, Kolya, Felix, Sasha.  Even dear old Dzerzhinsky.  Okhrana and Cheka shall stay at home, of course.  They shall be well looked after.

A letter to Sirna, also.

All notes on the investigation into the attack on Lady Llyr I have instructed to be passed to Alexandr.  I do not know how quickly, or even if, Lady Llyr will replace me, but I hope she retains the services of my brother and his unit until such time as they can agree it is no longer necessary.

I should go for a Blessing and Confession with Father Mikhail.  He shall be at the Chapel as always.  Then I should get some rest before leaving for New Eden.  How strange to think that this shall be the first time I have ever been there - I never did visit with Amadin, in the end.

I have been Loved by the most beautiful soul in Creation.  I could have wished for nothing more.

Constantin - I Love You.
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