28-06-YC122
I awoke this morning to the news that the Floseswin system has fallen - to Imperial forces! I can scarcely believe it. Our forces have fought so long and so hard, led by such brave and noble figures as Lord Newelle, that it seemed at times that Victory should never come. I pray God and The Eternal Empress shall forgive my defeatist thoughts. It is that Darkness, that Unclean Force, that makes me doubt so. My part in this Victory was so very little, so insignificant, but truly I have such a magnificent example to look up to.
I do not know what Lord Sarum shall do with this Victory. One would hope that either a significant and overwhelming strike is made against Floseswin IV itself, to drive Tribal ground forces back just as their space-borne militia has been; or if not that, then our forces that are there are withdrawn quickly and the Tribals besieged with a planetary blockade. I know what I would do were the decision mine to make, but it is not, and I trust firmly and completely that our Commanders will make the correct strategic choices.
I wonder what will happen now. One supposes the Tribals will marshal their forces and mount a counter-operation to regain the system. I believe that other elements of the Crusade have made similar gains in other areas of the warzone, making the enemy's task all the more difficult. Of course, they are tenacious and determined, and shall never simply give up. Is it too much to hope for, however, that they may see the wisdom in requesting a truce so that all sides involved in this seemingly endless conflict can redirect their efforts against a new and insidious enemy that threatens us all?
Perhaps it is, but one can hope.
24-06-YC122
It is a sad yet true fact of military families such as ours that our loved ones are often not hear for special occasions, and so it is today. My dear little brother is missing his birthday. I do not doubt that his team is holding their own celebration whilst they are on operations, but here everything continues just as it did yesterday and just as it shall tomorrow. I think that Ishta finds it most strange that we do nothing in Sasha's absence, but to celebrate without him here would be the most terrible bad luck.
Poor Ishta! As if she has not been through enough recently. That utter fool Danylo! I know, of all his wretched family, he is both the most vile and impetuous - who but a boy of the worst character would have done what he attempted against me so many years ago - but to think he would actually try to push our two families to war! How he could ever think Papa would fall for such a pathetically obvious trap I shall never know. He should count himself lucky to still be alive; Ishta is not the most forgiving of people. Danylo will find that neither am I. I shall allow this one to be forgotten for now, but I shall not forget it. I shall remember this insult and assault on our family and, when the proper moment arrives, we shall have our revenge.
The Tribals have launched further ground offensives on Floseswin IV. It seems that no matter how hard our forces in the system push to control the system as a whole - admirably led as they are by Aldrith and others - the enemy forces on the planet itself constantly threaten to overwhelm Imperial troops. I must admit that I hardly feel it is worth the effort! I know I should not use such defeatist language, but what will this backwater rock actually bring us? And at what cost? Does it have such strategic value that the loss of materiel, time, and effort, not to mention lives, will actually be an acceptable balance to pay? Aldrith seems obsessed by it, and I fear his true talents are also being wasted. Yet, as long as Lord Sarum commands us to fight, fight we must.
I do wonder, however, if there is a quicker way to Victory.
It is a sad yet true fact of military families such as ours that our loved ones are often not hear for special occasions, and so it is today. My dear little brother is missing his birthday. I do not doubt that his team is holding their own celebration whilst they are on operations, but here everything continues just as it did yesterday and just as it shall tomorrow. I think that Ishta finds it most strange that we do nothing in Sasha's absence, but to celebrate without him here would be the most terrible bad luck.
Poor Ishta! As if she has not been through enough recently. That utter fool Danylo! I know, of all his wretched family, he is both the most vile and impetuous - who but a boy of the worst character would have done what he attempted against me so many years ago - but to think he would actually try to push our two families to war! How he could ever think Papa would fall for such a pathetically obvious trap I shall never know. He should count himself lucky to still be alive; Ishta is not the most forgiving of people. Danylo will find that neither am I. I shall allow this one to be forgotten for now, but I shall not forget it. I shall remember this insult and assault on our family and, when the proper moment arrives, we shall have our revenge.
The Tribals have launched further ground offensives on Floseswin IV. It seems that no matter how hard our forces in the system push to control the system as a whole - admirably led as they are by Aldrith and others - the enemy forces on the planet itself constantly threaten to overwhelm Imperial troops. I must admit that I hardly feel it is worth the effort! I know I should not use such defeatist language, but what will this backwater rock actually bring us? And at what cost? Does it have such strategic value that the loss of materiel, time, and effort, not to mention lives, will actually be an acceptable balance to pay? Aldrith seems obsessed by it, and I fear his true talents are also being wasted. Yet, as long as Lord Sarum commands us to fight, fight we must.
I do wonder, however, if there is a quicker way to Victory.
14-06-YC122
I have been promoted to Imperial Major! It is true that few of the Units who aid the Crusade care much for the basic ranks of the Militia, but ever since I entered the Academy, indeed, even before, I had always wanted to achieve this rank.
Imperial Major Ekaterina Mariya deSilvestris - it has a certain martial sound to it, I think.
Of course, I had not quite expected to celebrate it the way I did. It started with an invitation from the Directrix herself to the Awards Ceremony for the Writing Competition. I have not followed it, but given how busy we have been, there was a chance that there would be no PIE representative there if I had not gone, and it presented a welcome break from duties. In the end, Paladin Kley was there, as was Lord Gallius. It was a pleasant Ceremony, and I am sure the prizes were well deserved. Elsebeth Rhiannon swept the board, with a total of six medals, though she did not look entirely pleased about it. Tribals are so rarely grateful, and no doubt she had some sort of disagreement about being awarded a prize by an Amarrian. Why they cannot, for one night, rise above such base hostility and simply appreciate the Directrix's efforts to celebrate all the culture of New Eden, I shall never know. I feel sort for poor Lunarisse at times. She puts in so much effort for so little gratitude in return.
Of greatest surprise was Constantin being there. I had not expected to see him, especially as he was alone. He seemed so tired and worn, I fear he is again failing to look after himself. I would not have let that happen. Perhaps I should have kept my distance and leave him be, but when he appeared to be limping, or at least nursing some sort of injury, I could not help myself.
I think he was most surprised to see me. Indeed, I know he was! We chatted, idly, for a little while, but I could not get him to open up to me, not as he used to. More than likely he is closing himself off to protect me, but I pray that if he will not talk to me, he at least is talking to someone. I would have thought that a lover's role, but perhaps some lover are not up to the task.
I know I should not have, but I told him what I had been keeping inside me all this time. Perhaps I wanted to lift his heart a little. Perhaps I wanted to lift mine. I do not know, but as we parted I told him the truth, that I have never hated him, have never held anything in my heart but that which I have always held for him. Now, in the sober loneliness of the next day, I wish he had not replied the way he did. He told me he still loves me, and has never stopped.
Oh, but if only the night had stopped there. I look back, rewind the entire chain of events in my mind and I still not know what I was thinking. One thing I can say for sure, however, is that Commander Adams is not the shameless lothario his reputation would have so many believe. He is, however, at once the most irreverent, frustrating clown I have ever met and a rather sweet rogue who makes me smile despite myself. Who else but he would sit out of sight whistling some silly song that I recognised from one of our previous meetings whilst I sat there taking to Constantin?
What else is there to write? I would have done so much more than simply slept with his arms wrapped around me last night, but he was a gentleman who refused to take advantage of me. It is not that I was inebriated, though I had had some drinks, but I was lonely, and he could see that. I think he was too, and he had been looking for more, though not from me specifically. I think what changed his intentions was my mentioning being in a relationship. I respect him for that, it is the mark of good character, but I am also grateful that he did spend the night holding me.
It was wrong, I know, and I do not know how I shall face Lilya. I cannot justify my actions, no matter how much I may place the blame on the stress and isolation that my near constant cycle of various duties may cause me. Lilya has not seen me for the same amount of time I have not seen her, yet I can absolutely guarantee she has done no such immoral act.
I cannot deny that it was desire that drove me, and not just the desire to avoid being alone, to feel the warmth of someone beside me. It was also a more base desire, a carnal one, in part because of seeing Constantin yet not being able to have him, and in part because, in all truth, Edward is an extremely attractive man.
I shall just have to accept the guilt. It is not as though it is the only guilt I shall carry with me.
I have been promoted to Imperial Major! It is true that few of the Units who aid the Crusade care much for the basic ranks of the Militia, but ever since I entered the Academy, indeed, even before, I had always wanted to achieve this rank.
Imperial Major Ekaterina Mariya deSilvestris - it has a certain martial sound to it, I think.
Of course, I had not quite expected to celebrate it the way I did. It started with an invitation from the Directrix herself to the Awards Ceremony for the Writing Competition. I have not followed it, but given how busy we have been, there was a chance that there would be no PIE representative there if I had not gone, and it presented a welcome break from duties. In the end, Paladin Kley was there, as was Lord Gallius. It was a pleasant Ceremony, and I am sure the prizes were well deserved. Elsebeth Rhiannon swept the board, with a total of six medals, though she did not look entirely pleased about it. Tribals are so rarely grateful, and no doubt she had some sort of disagreement about being awarded a prize by an Amarrian. Why they cannot, for one night, rise above such base hostility and simply appreciate the Directrix's efforts to celebrate all the culture of New Eden, I shall never know. I feel sort for poor Lunarisse at times. She puts in so much effort for so little gratitude in return.
Of greatest surprise was Constantin being there. I had not expected to see him, especially as he was alone. He seemed so tired and worn, I fear he is again failing to look after himself. I would not have let that happen. Perhaps I should have kept my distance and leave him be, but when he appeared to be limping, or at least nursing some sort of injury, I could not help myself.
I think he was most surprised to see me. Indeed, I know he was! We chatted, idly, for a little while, but I could not get him to open up to me, not as he used to. More than likely he is closing himself off to protect me, but I pray that if he will not talk to me, he at least is talking to someone. I would have thought that a lover's role, but perhaps some lover are not up to the task.
I know I should not have, but I told him what I had been keeping inside me all this time. Perhaps I wanted to lift his heart a little. Perhaps I wanted to lift mine. I do not know, but as we parted I told him the truth, that I have never hated him, have never held anything in my heart but that which I have always held for him. Now, in the sober loneliness of the next day, I wish he had not replied the way he did. He told me he still loves me, and has never stopped.
Oh, but if only the night had stopped there. I look back, rewind the entire chain of events in my mind and I still not know what I was thinking. One thing I can say for sure, however, is that Commander Adams is not the shameless lothario his reputation would have so many believe. He is, however, at once the most irreverent, frustrating clown I have ever met and a rather sweet rogue who makes me smile despite myself. Who else but he would sit out of sight whistling some silly song that I recognised from one of our previous meetings whilst I sat there taking to Constantin?
What else is there to write? I would have done so much more than simply slept with his arms wrapped around me last night, but he was a gentleman who refused to take advantage of me. It is not that I was inebriated, though I had had some drinks, but I was lonely, and he could see that. I think he was too, and he had been looking for more, though not from me specifically. I think what changed his intentions was my mentioning being in a relationship. I respect him for that, it is the mark of good character, but I am also grateful that he did spend the night holding me.
It was wrong, I know, and I do not know how I shall face Lilya. I cannot justify my actions, no matter how much I may place the blame on the stress and isolation that my near constant cycle of various duties may cause me. Lilya has not seen me for the same amount of time I have not seen her, yet I can absolutely guarantee she has done no such immoral act.
I cannot deny that it was desire that drove me, and not just the desire to avoid being alone, to feel the warmth of someone beside me. It was also a more base desire, a carnal one, in part because of seeing Constantin yet not being able to have him, and in part because, in all truth, Edward is an extremely attractive man.
I shall just have to accept the guilt. It is not as though it is the only guilt I shall carry with me.
09-06-YC122
My dear Kolya has been back all too briefly, but at least we know that he is well. As the Battle of Raravoss raged, my brave brother was tasked with ensuring the safe evacuation of as many innocent civilians as possible to neighbouring system, as task he performed as admirably as anyone could. I know the defeat will sting him, as it has all of us, but in the face of such betrayal by those who would turn their backs on their own species, what could my brother do? What could any of us do?
Kolya was only here for a day and night before being redeployed again. I pray to God and the Eternal Empress to keep my darling brother safe. I pray also for my little Sasha, for he too is soon to be sent against this inhuman enemy, and whereas Kolya strikes at them with laser batteries and ship-borne weapons, Sasha role will no doubt mean that he will be against them quite literally face-to-face.
Mama and Papa are doing their part as well, and showing their beautiful hearts and humanity. We are offering all the help we can to the refugees from Raravoss, giving them shelter, food, and work if they need it. Felix too, has turned our industrial interests to this changed war effort.
Which leaves only myself, wondering what use I should be. I think, perhaps, I should put my real skills and interests to use, those that took me to the Academy in the first place. In all honesty, I have no real stomach for the war against the Minmatar. I cannot say such out loud, of course, but I fail to see the point of it. A waste of time, effort, materiel, and lives, for what? What, exactly, shall it gain us? We fight constantly over systems, pouring our energy into it, only for their militia to do the same and take the system back; and even though we have apparently held Floseswin for something near a week now, our ground forces on the fourth planet are retreating to the cities on the Southern hemisphere. What is the use in holding a system if we cannot also hold the planets within it? And all the while, a mutual enemy, the hated invader, relentlessly attacks systems across New Eden, uncaring of which Empire to whom they belong, supported by traitors, betrayers, and alien-sympathisers.
It is they who are the real enemy, and it is they whom we should be fighting.
My dear Kolya has been back all too briefly, but at least we know that he is well. As the Battle of Raravoss raged, my brave brother was tasked with ensuring the safe evacuation of as many innocent civilians as possible to neighbouring system, as task he performed as admirably as anyone could. I know the defeat will sting him, as it has all of us, but in the face of such betrayal by those who would turn their backs on their own species, what could my brother do? What could any of us do?
Kolya was only here for a day and night before being redeployed again. I pray to God and the Eternal Empress to keep my darling brother safe. I pray also for my little Sasha, for he too is soon to be sent against this inhuman enemy, and whereas Kolya strikes at them with laser batteries and ship-borne weapons, Sasha role will no doubt mean that he will be against them quite literally face-to-face.
Mama and Papa are doing their part as well, and showing their beautiful hearts and humanity. We are offering all the help we can to the refugees from Raravoss, giving them shelter, food, and work if they need it. Felix too, has turned our industrial interests to this changed war effort.
Which leaves only myself, wondering what use I should be. I think, perhaps, I should put my real skills and interests to use, those that took me to the Academy in the first place. In all honesty, I have no real stomach for the war against the Minmatar. I cannot say such out loud, of course, but I fail to see the point of it. A waste of time, effort, materiel, and lives, for what? What, exactly, shall it gain us? We fight constantly over systems, pouring our energy into it, only for their militia to do the same and take the system back; and even though we have apparently held Floseswin for something near a week now, our ground forces on the fourth planet are retreating to the cities on the Southern hemisphere. What is the use in holding a system if we cannot also hold the planets within it? And all the while, a mutual enemy, the hated invader, relentlessly attacks systems across New Eden, uncaring of which Empire to whom they belong, supported by traitors, betrayers, and alien-sympathisers.
It is they who are the real enemy, and it is they whom we should be fighting.
02-06-YC122
The news that Raravoss has fallen to the Triglavians is sweeping through the station. That is not strictly true, at least as I write this, but I fear that it may be true before long. To think that there are those amongst us who would betray their own species to the vermin. I can only pray that the invaders commit their own betray and these human traitors suffer a painful and agonising death for what they have done.
It is said that the invaders are interested in only particular types of star, which, it seems, Raravoss is cursed with. But how often in history have invaders settled for just one small patch of territory? Now that they have discovered there is a stratum of sub-human filth who would wilfully and fawningly do the bidding of their alien masters, they will seek to spread. Who is to say that they cannot harness the power of other types of star. It is true, the invaders are a plague send by God to punish us, a scourge on humanity.
Help me God. Eternal Empress have Mercy. I despair. I feel such hopelessness. I am trying to be strong in my Faith, but I fear it is not strong enough. Even with the help of my tincture my nerves are frayed. That is why I committed that outburst against Arrendis. I have, of course, apologised, and she accepted it. I was, I admit, not expecting her to be so understanding, but perhaps that merely shows my own weakness contrasted with her strength.
There must be a way, through Prayer and Faith. I have only to be strong, and I shall try to be. I can see the strain on my family, on Mama and Papa and my brothers, and yet they do not buckle and crack as I do. Koyla, Dear Kolya, is my anchor. He should be the heir to this family, not I.
The invaders are advanced in their technology, but God would not create them to be invincible. It is a test for the Faithful, and there must be a way to pass the test. The enemy must be prone to at least one mistake, the must have at least one flaw that can be exploited. Perhaps their tactics? Perhaps their strategy?
The Faithful shall survive, and I shall pray for them to do so.
The news that Raravoss has fallen to the Triglavians is sweeping through the station. That is not strictly true, at least as I write this, but I fear that it may be true before long. To think that there are those amongst us who would betray their own species to the vermin. I can only pray that the invaders commit their own betray and these human traitors suffer a painful and agonising death for what they have done.
It is said that the invaders are interested in only particular types of star, which, it seems, Raravoss is cursed with. But how often in history have invaders settled for just one small patch of territory? Now that they have discovered there is a stratum of sub-human filth who would wilfully and fawningly do the bidding of their alien masters, they will seek to spread. Who is to say that they cannot harness the power of other types of star. It is true, the invaders are a plague send by God to punish us, a scourge on humanity.
Help me God. Eternal Empress have Mercy. I despair. I feel such hopelessness. I am trying to be strong in my Faith, but I fear it is not strong enough. Even with the help of my tincture my nerves are frayed. That is why I committed that outburst against Arrendis. I have, of course, apologised, and she accepted it. I was, I admit, not expecting her to be so understanding, but perhaps that merely shows my own weakness contrasted with her strength.
There must be a way, through Prayer and Faith. I have only to be strong, and I shall try to be. I can see the strain on my family, on Mama and Papa and my brothers, and yet they do not buckle and crack as I do. Koyla, Dear Kolya, is my anchor. He should be the heir to this family, not I.
The invaders are advanced in their technology, but God would not create them to be invincible. It is a test for the Faithful, and there must be a way to pass the test. The enemy must be prone to at least one mistake, the must have at least one flaw that can be exploited. Perhaps their tactics? Perhaps their strategy?
The Faithful shall survive, and I shall pray for them to do so.
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