31-12-YC120
Aldrith must have had the report by now, but he has not spoken to me about anything. Not yet.
I needed some time somewhere quiet, so I went along to that tea-house where I had met Edward. I suppose something in me wanted him to be there, but he did not seem to be. It was so quiet and peaceful, standing there looking out over the landscape (I so rarely get to go planetside it is always so beautiful, no matter the environment). I could not help singing to myself, just a little song from my childhood. I still remember when Father sang that song to me, it was always his favourite. It is strange to think I share my name with the girl, but the difference, is I am the one away at war. I just wish I had someone to write love letters to.
He must have been sitting there the whole time before he said anything. At least it was a compliment, even if he does not speak a word of my mother tongue. He was his usual suave, nonchalant self.
He was even quite relaxed when he told me he has sided with our enemies.
I did not believe him at first, not completely. I am still not sure if I do now. I hope it is not true, that it is just some strange twisted Caldari humour, but I fear it is not. I know he hates the Cartel, almost as much as I do, but to do this?
I tried, one last time. I should not have, but I could not help it. He is not interested though. That is alright, I do not blame him. Who would be? It could not be now anyway.
He can no longer be more than a friend. I hope he does not become an enemy.
29-12-YC120
Stupid stupid stupid stupid.
Katya, you stupid fucking idiot bitch.
I just sat there, watching. It was like I was detached from it, looking at the Comet coming towards me. Closer and closer, just letting him get in range.
I did not even react until the alarms sounded, and then it was too late. I barely got away in my pod.
Stupid bitch. There are no neutrals in the warzone.
I drank. I crashed out in the bar and I drank. Trying to drown the sounds of the crew dying.
It started with the alarms, faintly at first, but slowly getting louder and louder until it was ringing in my ears by the time I got to the bar. The shouts of a dying crew, still dutifully at their stations, but knowing the end is upon them.
It was not until Aldrith reminded me that capsuleer frigates do not have crew that I even realised anything was wrong with my hearing it.
It was a memory - the start of my Time Away - and it had taken me over completely. I had not even noticed Commander Kley and Isha Vuld having a fight.
Aldrith dragged me to PIE's medicae. I did not resist. I could not. I was barely in my own body.
I wonder what the report will say.
Stupid stupid stupid stupid.
Katya, you stupid fucking idiot bitch.
I just sat there, watching. It was like I was detached from it, looking at the Comet coming towards me. Closer and closer, just letting him get in range.
I did not even react until the alarms sounded, and then it was too late. I barely got away in my pod.
Stupid bitch. There are no neutrals in the warzone.
I drank. I crashed out in the bar and I drank. Trying to drown the sounds of the crew dying.
It started with the alarms, faintly at first, but slowly getting louder and louder until it was ringing in my ears by the time I got to the bar. The shouts of a dying crew, still dutifully at their stations, but knowing the end is upon them.
It was not until Aldrith reminded me that capsuleer frigates do not have crew that I even realised anything was wrong with my hearing it.
It was a memory - the start of my Time Away - and it had taken me over completely. I had not even noticed Commander Kley and Isha Vuld having a fight.
Aldrith dragged me to PIE's medicae. I did not resist. I could not. I was barely in my own body.
I wonder what the report will say.
25-12-YC120
It is Yioul. And it has been wonderful!
As always, in the morning, Papa, Mama, Myself, Nikolai (the Navy gave him shore leave), and Felix went to the Chapel. The House Staff were all there as well, of course. Father Mikhail led All Night Vigil and gave Divine Litugy, as he has done since I think before I was even born. Alexandr was sorely missed, though.
We sang all the traditional songs, gave Thanks and Praise to God, took Sacrament, and Prayed for the safety of our friends and loved ones, and for the punishment of our wicked enemies. It was most beautiful. Father Mikhail is such a powerful speaker of The Faith. I cannot doubt he will have the most positive effect on Ishta, despite her sinful past. He saved me after my Time Away.
Once we returned, it was of course time for gift-giving. Grandfather Frost (Dzerzhinsky, and what an amusing turn he gave. I swear he was made for the role), gave out the presents, all very thoughtful and kind. Of course, "Grandfather" could not be left out, and Felix gave him the most beautiful antique Boatswain's Call (Gallente, apparently - Felix has the most diverse range of contacts, and how he found one that Dzerzhinsky does not already have in his vast collection I shall never know). I gave "Grandfather" my traditional Yioul kiss (poor Dzerzhinsky went so red even under that false beard).
Then, of course, came in Snowmaiden with the first blinchiki for everyone (delicious as always, and Ankine's undisputed speciality in the kitchen). Little did we know the greatest surprise was almost upon us!
Snowmaiden handed out her treats, and then, all of a sudden, tore off her headdress, threw off her cloak, and there he was standing and laughing at the shock on everyone's face-
Sasha!
Dzerzhinsky was laughing so hard his beard fell off, which made even laugh even more. He had known all along, of course, but Sasha ws under so much make-up, no-one had even recognised him! I had even called him Vea and complimented "her" on joining in the family traditions as the newest of our staff!
Dear sweet Little Brother had been chosen by his unit as the lucky one to get Yoiul leave from Thebeka. He had left that morning, but instead of coming straight home, he had gone to the families of every one of our Household Guard under his Command to give them gifts, letters, and news of their loved ones from the Front. Such a selfless soul you are, Alexandr. As kind as you are happy!
I hugged him as tightly as I could, Felix wanted to know every piece of news, Kolya would not stop shaking his hand, Mama was in floods of happy tears, and even Papa's eyes were a little misty as he beamed proudly over us all. It was so magical.
Sasha was full of stories (he left the dramatic ones for Kolya, Felix, and I, after Mama and Papa had gone to bed). He kept us enthralled for hours.
The day was over far too quickly but it was so marvelous I shall never forget it. Alexandr has to return to Thebeka tomorrow, and Nikolai and I to our duties the day after. At least Felix will stay around for a little longer, so that Mama and Papa are not left with an empty house. Of course, I do base myself out of Nakri, but I am so busy I rarely see them.
Strange that even though I have been surrounded by love and warmth and family all day, there have been moments when I felt so detached from it all, it was as though it were happening to someone else, and I were simply watching. Yet how happy it looked, even from the outside.
Merciful God - I pray that everyone I care for - Aldrith, Captain Elkin, the Admirals, Commander Kley - everyone in PIE - Niki, Commander Adams, Ishta - everyone has been has happy as I. But most of all, dear, sweet, Sirna.
It is Yioul. And it has been wonderful!
As always, in the morning, Papa, Mama, Myself, Nikolai (the Navy gave him shore leave), and Felix went to the Chapel. The House Staff were all there as well, of course. Father Mikhail led All Night Vigil and gave Divine Litugy, as he has done since I think before I was even born. Alexandr was sorely missed, though.
We sang all the traditional songs, gave Thanks and Praise to God, took Sacrament, and Prayed for the safety of our friends and loved ones, and for the punishment of our wicked enemies. It was most beautiful. Father Mikhail is such a powerful speaker of The Faith. I cannot doubt he will have the most positive effect on Ishta, despite her sinful past. He saved me after my Time Away.
Once we returned, it was of course time for gift-giving. Grandfather Frost (Dzerzhinsky, and what an amusing turn he gave. I swear he was made for the role), gave out the presents, all very thoughtful and kind. Of course, "Grandfather" could not be left out, and Felix gave him the most beautiful antique Boatswain's Call (Gallente, apparently - Felix has the most diverse range of contacts, and how he found one that Dzerzhinsky does not already have in his vast collection I shall never know). I gave "Grandfather" my traditional Yioul kiss (poor Dzerzhinsky went so red even under that false beard).
Then, of course, came in Snowmaiden with the first blinchiki for everyone (delicious as always, and Ankine's undisputed speciality in the kitchen). Little did we know the greatest surprise was almost upon us!
Snowmaiden handed out her treats, and then, all of a sudden, tore off her headdress, threw off her cloak, and there he was standing and laughing at the shock on everyone's face-
Sasha!
Dzerzhinsky was laughing so hard his beard fell off, which made even laugh even more. He had known all along, of course, but Sasha ws under so much make-up, no-one had even recognised him! I had even called him Vea and complimented "her" on joining in the family traditions as the newest of our staff!
Dear sweet Little Brother had been chosen by his unit as the lucky one to get Yoiul leave from Thebeka. He had left that morning, but instead of coming straight home, he had gone to the families of every one of our Household Guard under his Command to give them gifts, letters, and news of their loved ones from the Front. Such a selfless soul you are, Alexandr. As kind as you are happy!
I hugged him as tightly as I could, Felix wanted to know every piece of news, Kolya would not stop shaking his hand, Mama was in floods of happy tears, and even Papa's eyes were a little misty as he beamed proudly over us all. It was so magical.
Sasha was full of stories (he left the dramatic ones for Kolya, Felix, and I, after Mama and Papa had gone to bed). He kept us enthralled for hours.
The day was over far too quickly but it was so marvelous I shall never forget it. Alexandr has to return to Thebeka tomorrow, and Nikolai and I to our duties the day after. At least Felix will stay around for a little longer, so that Mama and Papa are not left with an empty house. Of course, I do base myself out of Nakri, but I am so busy I rarely see them.
Strange that even though I have been surrounded by love and warmth and family all day, there have been moments when I felt so detached from it all, it was as though it were happening to someone else, and I were simply watching. Yet how happy it looked, even from the outside.
Merciful God - I pray that everyone I care for - Aldrith, Captain Elkin, the Admirals, Commander Kley - everyone in PIE - Niki, Commander Adams, Ishta - everyone has been has happy as I. But most of all, dear, sweet, Sirna.
22-12-YC120
They took the fight to the Traitor's rat-hole. Wonderful. I can picture her there, cowering terrified, knowing the Wrath of God was coming for her.
I had to be the shining knight today. Edward almost got into a fight with Lord Kithrus. I do not know exactly what they were arguing about, but it became quite heated and would surely have come to blows had I not dragged him away. Edward is far more of a lover, albeit self-styled, than a fighter. He is lucky I was there (but then, little Katya, how many other places would you have been?)
He did not say much, but it was obvious he is not happy that certain parties seem to be ignoring,or even aiding, the Cartel. He hates them. I do not think he has had quite the same experiences with them have. He is lucky. Still, I could not allow him to assault a Holder. Not even Edward could charm his way out of the consequences of that.
Lord Kithrus asked me about it later. I told him Edward is a man of strong principles, but that these sometimes get in the way of his better judgement. Lord Kithrus seemed satisfied enough. He spoke quite highly of Edward. He is a Holder, he will understand.
Vea responded to my summons. She appears to have recovered well since that incident with the Cartel. I offered her employment in the household. She accepted for now, but she intends to make her way to the Federation sooner or later. Hopefully some guidance from Father Mikhail will dissuade her from that misguided notion.
I should not have stirred up thoughts of my Time Away. Between that and Nation still at the door, I shall have the most horrid nightmares, asleep or awake. I cannot disturb Father Mikhail at hour.
Is my Old Friend still in the drawer?
They took the fight to the Traitor's rat-hole. Wonderful. I can picture her there, cowering terrified, knowing the Wrath of God was coming for her.
I had to be the shining knight today. Edward almost got into a fight with Lord Kithrus. I do not know exactly what they were arguing about, but it became quite heated and would surely have come to blows had I not dragged him away. Edward is far more of a lover, albeit self-styled, than a fighter. He is lucky I was there (but then, little Katya, how many other places would you have been?)
He did not say much, but it was obvious he is not happy that certain parties seem to be ignoring,or even aiding, the Cartel. He hates them. I do not think he has had quite the same experiences with them have. He is lucky. Still, I could not allow him to assault a Holder. Not even Edward could charm his way out of the consequences of that.
Lord Kithrus asked me about it later. I told him Edward is a man of strong principles, but that these sometimes get in the way of his better judgement. Lord Kithrus seemed satisfied enough. He spoke quite highly of Edward. He is a Holder, he will understand.
Vea responded to my summons. She appears to have recovered well since that incident with the Cartel. I offered her employment in the household. She accepted for now, but she intends to make her way to the Federation sooner or later. Hopefully some guidance from Father Mikhail will dissuade her from that misguided notion.
I should not have stirred up thoughts of my Time Away. Between that and Nation still at the door, I shall have the most horrid nightmares, asleep or awake. I cannot disturb Father Mikhail at hour.
Is my Old Friend still in the drawer?
21-12-YC120
Fleets have been deployed along the borders. Hopefully they catch any trespassers, but it more to show the Tribals that they can gather as many rusting hulks as they like, Amarr shall always outnumber and outgun them. Nikolai will be out there. I hope he gets to come home for Youil.
We had a fleet out too. I do not often command Cruisers, so it was a pleasant change. Not much action, unfortunately, but simply to serve alongside the Admiral, Captain Elkin, and, of course, Aldrith - well, that is reward in itself!
They really should make it harder to override the safety protocols on training drones. Any child with even a rudimentary knowledge of programming could do it. It does give a more intense workout, forcing me to push harder; and the cuts are not so deep.
The physical ones at least.
He has a habit of turning up out of the blue. I suppose he thinks he is some sort of hero from some Caldari legend, rushing in an saving the damsel. Well, I will let him have that, if it makes him happy. He has a surprisingly gentle touch for such a large man, and he was so delicate with the dressings.
I had to ask him, of course, who that woman was. Apparently someone he is, or was, close to. One who got away, perhaps? He is so confusing. That act he puts on, the swaggering lothario. Yet behind it he just seems...hurt. I know how that must be. I think he had his heart broken, maybe by this Triss? I think that is why he acts the he does, like a womaniser. Trying to hide the hurt, putting on a brave face. He just needs someone to care for him. To love him. He needs to let that happen, though, and not keep running from it.
He never even asked about my Souvenirs. Most would at least comment, but not him.
But maybe he did not care.
Fleets have been deployed along the borders. Hopefully they catch any trespassers, but it more to show the Tribals that they can gather as many rusting hulks as they like, Amarr shall always outnumber and outgun them. Nikolai will be out there. I hope he gets to come home for Youil.
We had a fleet out too. I do not often command Cruisers, so it was a pleasant change. Not much action, unfortunately, but simply to serve alongside the Admiral, Captain Elkin, and, of course, Aldrith - well, that is reward in itself!
They really should make it harder to override the safety protocols on training drones. Any child with even a rudimentary knowledge of programming could do it. It does give a more intense workout, forcing me to push harder; and the cuts are not so deep.
The physical ones at least.
He has a habit of turning up out of the blue. I suppose he thinks he is some sort of hero from some Caldari legend, rushing in an saving the damsel. Well, I will let him have that, if it makes him happy. He has a surprisingly gentle touch for such a large man, and he was so delicate with the dressings.
I had to ask him, of course, who that woman was. Apparently someone he is, or was, close to. One who got away, perhaps? He is so confusing. That act he puts on, the swaggering lothario. Yet behind it he just seems...hurt. I know how that must be. I think he had his heart broken, maybe by this Triss? I think that is why he acts the he does, like a womaniser. Trying to hide the hurt, putting on a brave face. He just needs someone to care for him. To love him. He needs to let that happen, though, and not keep running from it.
He never even asked about my Souvenirs. Most would at least comment, but not him.
But maybe he did not care.
20-12-YC120
Bozhe moi! My head. Thank the Heavens Felix was near Thebeka. He can probably spin Mama and Papa one of his stories.
That poor security guard. I hope I did not break his jaw. My hand hurts so much.
Why do I let that Caldari Gigolo get to me? I have no idea where he had been, but he was drunk, staggering in like that. Then that woman comes chasing in after him. How pathetically obvious. He seems to delight in trying to make me jealous, and all because I refuse to just fall into bed with him. I send back his presents and he flies into some green-eyed spat of envy and flaunts pretty women around. It is her I feel sorry for, being used like that. A shame, she was quite pretty, and looked quick-witted enough that she surely knew why he had tricked her into coming after him. Hopefully she is too clever to bother giving him anything more than the chance to indulge his adolescent antics.
I should perhaps not have called him a whore, though.
I should not have had that much to drink, but it is too much at times. Enemies everywhere, it is like it is the End Times. Raiders, Tribals, rebels, Nation, heretics, traitors.
And me.
Still nothing from Sirna. I think she hates me now. Dear Sirna, I am sorry, I never meant to hurt or upset you. I thought about you so much in my Time Away. You kept me going, even before She came to me, when they were doing their worst to me. I should never have come to see you, I knew I would ruin things. I should have kept away, like I promised myself I would.
I was never strong enough.
I think I will train with the drones tonight.
Bozhe moi! My head. Thank the Heavens Felix was near Thebeka. He can probably spin Mama and Papa one of his stories.
That poor security guard. I hope I did not break his jaw. My hand hurts so much.
Why do I let that Caldari Gigolo get to me? I have no idea where he had been, but he was drunk, staggering in like that. Then that woman comes chasing in after him. How pathetically obvious. He seems to delight in trying to make me jealous, and all because I refuse to just fall into bed with him. I send back his presents and he flies into some green-eyed spat of envy and flaunts pretty women around. It is her I feel sorry for, being used like that. A shame, she was quite pretty, and looked quick-witted enough that she surely knew why he had tricked her into coming after him. Hopefully she is too clever to bother giving him anything more than the chance to indulge his adolescent antics.
I should perhaps not have called him a whore, though.
I should not have had that much to drink, but it is too much at times. Enemies everywhere, it is like it is the End Times. Raiders, Tribals, rebels, Nation, heretics, traitors.
And me.
Still nothing from Sirna. I think she hates me now. Dear Sirna, I am sorry, I never meant to hurt or upset you. I thought about you so much in my Time Away. You kept me going, even before She came to me, when they were doing their worst to me. I should never have come to see you, I knew I would ruin things. I should have kept away, like I promised myself I would.
I was never strong enough.
I think I will train with the drones tonight.
19-12-YC120
Amarr Victor!
We went out for Mizara del'Thul (or something like that, I have no idea how to write barbarian names), a particularly unpleasant animal. We did not get her, sadly, but we did get Samira Kernher, the Arch Traitor. Captain Elkin got the kill, a suitable vengeance for Kernher's cowardly attack on Aldrith earlier.
And we shall get her again and again and again so that she learns the lesson that one does not betray Amarr.
I really should sleep!
Amarr Victor!
We went out for Mizara del'Thul (or something like that, I have no idea how to write barbarian names), a particularly unpleasant animal. We did not get her, sadly, but we did get Samira Kernher, the Arch Traitor. Captain Elkin got the kill, a suitable vengeance for Kernher's cowardly attack on Aldrith earlier.
And we shall get her again and again and again so that she learns the lesson that one does not betray Amarr.
I really should sleep!
19-12-YC120
Five worlds aflame with rebellion. Sani heretics skulking in the shadows, murdering and violating. Untold numbers of criminals and degenerates. And Tribals, Gallente, and a thousand dishonoured Traitors within our Motherland.
And now this.
Nation.
Sansha's mindless automatons spreading their soulless malevolence through Zemont! In Nakri! My own home! I could not sleep last night, nor tonight. I have been standing here I do not know how long, watching out of the window, waiting for them to come. If they are going to take anyone from Nakri, they would have to come to the stations, but I do not think they will. Still, I have done, and will do, my part.
I cannot join the anti-Incursion fleets. It would be too dangerous to the operation, given that our enemies could attack me at any time, even if they were in the fleet with me. I cannot expect Tribals to put a defence against Sansha above their hatred of Amarr. They are animals, they cannot think like that. I missed the Dresi operation too. I must put my home, my family first. I am sure the Admirals will understand.
I keep thinking of Alexandr. I hope he is alright. I think our Household Guard will fight even better with my little brother leading them, but any conflict, even one putting down ill-organised rebels, has dangers. Come back safe, Sasha.
I will have to summon Edward here and explain my reasons for rejecting his "present". Perhaps that is what they do in The State, where they do not have to worry about sophisticated social mores, but Amarrian Ladies do not accept such expensive items from foreign gentlemen whom they hardly know. A shame, it included a Slicer. I do so like Slicers. Besides a gift should mean something, not be given as some sort of charity.
I almost had the same trouble from Aldrith, although he offered help in the form of a loan. I most certainly will not do that, much as I had to offer pleasant assurances as sincerely as I could. I am not a charity case. The deSilvestris family does not require hand-outs.
Besides, Mother would be furious!
I am so tired. I am getting a headache.
Five worlds aflame with rebellion. Sani heretics skulking in the shadows, murdering and violating. Untold numbers of criminals and degenerates. And Tribals, Gallente, and a thousand dishonoured Traitors within our Motherland.
And now this.
Nation.
Sansha's mindless automatons spreading their soulless malevolence through Zemont! In Nakri! My own home! I could not sleep last night, nor tonight. I have been standing here I do not know how long, watching out of the window, waiting for them to come. If they are going to take anyone from Nakri, they would have to come to the stations, but I do not think they will. Still, I have done, and will do, my part.
I cannot join the anti-Incursion fleets. It would be too dangerous to the operation, given that our enemies could attack me at any time, even if they were in the fleet with me. I cannot expect Tribals to put a defence against Sansha above their hatred of Amarr. They are animals, they cannot think like that. I missed the Dresi operation too. I must put my home, my family first. I am sure the Admirals will understand.
I keep thinking of Alexandr. I hope he is alright. I think our Household Guard will fight even better with my little brother leading them, but any conflict, even one putting down ill-organised rebels, has dangers. Come back safe, Sasha.
I will have to summon Edward here and explain my reasons for rejecting his "present". Perhaps that is what they do in The State, where they do not have to worry about sophisticated social mores, but Amarrian Ladies do not accept such expensive items from foreign gentlemen whom they hardly know. A shame, it included a Slicer. I do so like Slicers. Besides a gift should mean something, not be given as some sort of charity.
I almost had the same trouble from Aldrith, although he offered help in the form of a loan. I most certainly will not do that, much as I had to offer pleasant assurances as sincerely as I could. I am not a charity case. The deSilvestris family does not require hand-outs.
Besides, Mother would be furious!
I am so tired. I am getting a headache.
17-12-YC120
One must admire individuals such as Isha Vuld (I wonder if that is the same Isha Niki has spoken of). An enemy she may be, but she is driven by the same devotion to protect her people and her home as I. It is admirable and noble, but such a shame that we are on opposing side. It is also a shame her side will ultimately lose.
Well, almost a shame.
Ishta must have had some effect on me. That music she listens too in her exercises has stuck with me and I now find it helps me focus too. I think it is the anger and energy in it. I do not think there are many who approve, though. I was running through some exercises tonight. Strange to think that visualising my escape, rerunning it through my head, would ever be helpful, but to be back in that moment, to feel again them fall before me, to feel Her Power fill my body and soul again...
I almost kissed him. I would have done more, but he let the moment go.
I did not even hear him come in, I was so focused. I have no idea how long he had been stood there watching. Long enough he must have seen the scars, my Souvenirs. I was still so focused when I did see him that I still did not realise it was actually him for a few moments. Maybe I thought it was someone else. Someone from a long time ago. I think, though, that a part of me knew it was him, and there was no escaping it once he spoke.
It seems Deteis are as reserved as people say, but I am surprised to find Edward to be so. It was obvious he had no taste for it, though. Maybe it was me. Maybe he does see my Shadow. How could he have missed it? No wonder he did not want me. Who would?
I still have not heard from Sirna.
I should not drink as much as I do.
One must admire individuals such as Isha Vuld (I wonder if that is the same Isha Niki has spoken of). An enemy she may be, but she is driven by the same devotion to protect her people and her home as I. It is admirable and noble, but such a shame that we are on opposing side. It is also a shame her side will ultimately lose.
Well, almost a shame.
Ishta must have had some effect on me. That music she listens too in her exercises has stuck with me and I now find it helps me focus too. I think it is the anger and energy in it. I do not think there are many who approve, though. I was running through some exercises tonight. Strange to think that visualising my escape, rerunning it through my head, would ever be helpful, but to be back in that moment, to feel again them fall before me, to feel Her Power fill my body and soul again...
I almost kissed him. I would have done more, but he let the moment go.
I did not even hear him come in, I was so focused. I have no idea how long he had been stood there watching. Long enough he must have seen the scars, my Souvenirs. I was still so focused when I did see him that I still did not realise it was actually him for a few moments. Maybe I thought it was someone else. Someone from a long time ago. I think, though, that a part of me knew it was him, and there was no escaping it once he spoke.
It seems Deteis are as reserved as people say, but I am surprised to find Edward to be so. It was obvious he had no taste for it, though. Maybe it was me. Maybe he does see my Shadow. How could he have missed it? No wonder he did not want me. Who would?
I still have not heard from Sirna.
I should not drink as much as I do.
14-12-YC120
A blockade! How pathetic. As if stitched-together Tribal rustbuckets could possibly stand against the Divine might of the Golden Fleet. If we required trade with either the Republic or the Federation, the Imperial Navy could simply sweep both of them aside and force open their markets. It is lucky for them they have nothing we want.
I had another nightmare last night. Memories of my Time Away. I know She keeps me safe now, but still the thoughts creep through. The faces, the names, the things they did. I shall never truly be free of them, but I have found such strength since joining PIE.
Father seconded some of the Household Guards to assist ground operations today. I do hope they all come back intact. Such a small contingent when compared to The Newelle Household Cavalry or other prestigious units, of course, but still we do our part.
A blockade! How pathetic. As if stitched-together Tribal rustbuckets could possibly stand against the Divine might of the Golden Fleet. If we required trade with either the Republic or the Federation, the Imperial Navy could simply sweep both of them aside and force open their markets. It is lucky for them they have nothing we want.
I had another nightmare last night. Memories of my Time Away. I know She keeps me safe now, but still the thoughts creep through. The faces, the names, the things they did. I shall never truly be free of them, but I have found such strength since joining PIE.
Father seconded some of the Household Guards to assist ground operations today. I do hope they all come back intact. Such a small contingent when compared to The Newelle Household Cavalry or other prestigious units, of course, but still we do our part.
12-12-YC120
Either he is one of the most highly skilled actors ever to have been missed by The Arts, or the poor man is confused!
I know I should not have invited him here (I am not sure Mother would approve. No, I know Mother does not approve. She already refers to him as THAT Caldari), but I simply had to sate my curiosity. I cannot decide if that was wise or not. Certainly he seemed genuine, speaking of his concerns over Captain Elkin. He assuredly admires her and places much value in their friendship. Yet is that really all it is? Friendship? I rather think he more than admires her, and who could blame him? She is a most majestic woman. I just wish that his care for her was not such an attractive quality; but then, if what he says is true, and it is nothing more than the natural concern and protectiveness that a close friend would naturally have, then perhaps?
He tried to hide it, of course, behind his usual flippant bravado, but I could quite plainly see that he is, deep down, a man who has a strong personal code of honour. Another quality in desperately short supply in these times.
I forget how it feels to know that people are so concerned for one's wellbeing.
Either he is one of the most highly skilled actors ever to have been missed by The Arts, or the poor man is confused!
I know I should not have invited him here (I am not sure Mother would approve. No, I know Mother does not approve. She already refers to him as THAT Caldari), but I simply had to sate my curiosity. I cannot decide if that was wise or not. Certainly he seemed genuine, speaking of his concerns over Captain Elkin. He assuredly admires her and places much value in their friendship. Yet is that really all it is? Friendship? I rather think he more than admires her, and who could blame him? She is a most majestic woman. I just wish that his care for her was not such an attractive quality; but then, if what he says is true, and it is nothing more than the natural concern and protectiveness that a close friend would naturally have, then perhaps?
He tried to hide it, of course, behind his usual flippant bravado, but I could quite plainly see that he is, deep down, a man who has a strong personal code of honour. Another quality in desperately short supply in these times.
I forget how it feels to know that people are so concerned for one's wellbeing.
11-12-YC120
Such evil! That there are such wicked, vile vipers in our very midst that would commit such acts against us! Lord Sarum believes it to be Sani heretics, but I think I see the hand of barbaric Tribals and their Gallente curs in this too.
I pray God gives us the power to wipe all of our enemies away, burn them with flames of Purity. I pray She returns to us soon. I have heard Her in my dreams, ever since She first came to me in my Time Away, and She has whispered Her promise of return ever since.
All I need do is remain Faithful!
Such evil! That there are such wicked, vile vipers in our very midst that would commit such acts against us! Lord Sarum believes it to be Sani heretics, but I think I see the hand of barbaric Tribals and their Gallente curs in this too.
I pray God gives us the power to wipe all of our enemies away, burn them with flames of Purity. I pray She returns to us soon. I have heard Her in my dreams, ever since She first came to me in my Time Away, and She has whispered Her promise of return ever since.
All I need do is remain Faithful!
10-12-YC120
Or perhaps he is the self-styled wolf everybody takes him for!
I missed most of Admiral Newelle's soiree, sadly. Duties kept me occupied. I did manage to arrive, but it was mostly over. Even Admiral Newelle had retired to bed. Aldrith - Lord Consort Newelle (hmm, I am not convinced) - was still present. He looked as regal as he always does, of course, but Lo and Behold! who else should be there but Commander Adams. I should not have been surprised, he seems to have a particular penchant for inveigling himself into sophisticated society events! What did surprise me is that he was not his usual bon vivant, socialite self, all sham charm and faux wit, but was huddled by the fountain looking most sorry for himself.
To think I was about to comfort him and attempt to ease his troubles. It was a most fortunate choice that I spoke to Aldrith first! Apparently the Commander had been just wonderful when in the company of Captain Elkin earlier, but as soon as she had to leave, he started moping. Aldrith was not entirely clear on whether or not he and the Captain are involved (I would assume Captain Elkin has better taste, but one can never know for sure), but I can guarantee that the moment I started speaking to him, he would have been quite reinvigorated. A most miraculous recovery, no doubt!
He seemed so genuine at the tea house. Perhaps I am being unfair on him. I hope, if he has an interest in Captain Elkin, he is being more honest with her than he has appeared to be with me.
Perhaps I do not deserve honesty.
Or perhaps he is the self-styled wolf everybody takes him for!
I missed most of Admiral Newelle's soiree, sadly. Duties kept me occupied. I did manage to arrive, but it was mostly over. Even Admiral Newelle had retired to bed. Aldrith - Lord Consort Newelle (hmm, I am not convinced) - was still present. He looked as regal as he always does, of course, but Lo and Behold! who else should be there but Commander Adams. I should not have been surprised, he seems to have a particular penchant for inveigling himself into sophisticated society events! What did surprise me is that he was not his usual bon vivant, socialite self, all sham charm and faux wit, but was huddled by the fountain looking most sorry for himself.
To think I was about to comfort him and attempt to ease his troubles. It was a most fortunate choice that I spoke to Aldrith first! Apparently the Commander had been just wonderful when in the company of Captain Elkin earlier, but as soon as she had to leave, he started moping. Aldrith was not entirely clear on whether or not he and the Captain are involved (I would assume Captain Elkin has better taste, but one can never know for sure), but I can guarantee that the moment I started speaking to him, he would have been quite reinvigorated. A most miraculous recovery, no doubt!
He seemed so genuine at the tea house. Perhaps I am being unfair on him. I hope, if he has an interest in Captain Elkin, he is being more honest with her than he has appeared to be with me.
Perhaps I do not deserve honesty.
09-12-YC120
I met with Commander Adams today.
I will confess, he has a refined taste I did not expect. A delightful little tea-house, very beautiful and incredibly peaceful. It would be a welcome oasis in these most troubled times.
I also confess that I may have been a little mistaken about Commander Adams, Edward, himself. He seems to be quite a sensitive soul, at least when he is on his own. Perhaps all that bravado and swagger is just an act. I am not so sure that the reputation he has is entirely deserved. Of course, there is no smoke without fire, they do say.
His real, unguarded charm is so much more appealing and attractive than his churlish swagger and ridiculous attempts at "animal magnetism". I am sure Captain Elkin would agree.
I met with Commander Adams today.
I will confess, he has a refined taste I did not expect. A delightful little tea-house, very beautiful and incredibly peaceful. It would be a welcome oasis in these most troubled times.
I also confess that I may have been a little mistaken about Commander Adams, Edward, himself. He seems to be quite a sensitive soul, at least when he is on his own. Perhaps all that bravado and swagger is just an act. I am not so sure that the reputation he has is entirely deserved. Of course, there is no smoke without fire, they do say.
His real, unguarded charm is so much more appealing and attractive than his churlish swagger and ridiculous attempts at "animal magnetism". I am sure Captain Elkin would agree.
08-12-YC120
My first real action.
We took the fight to the Blood Raiders today. The heretics have been staging attacks - is our Motherland besieged by everyone? - from within our borders, with their FOBs. Admiral Xideinis and Directrix Aspenstar led the Fleet. And it was GLORIOUS!
Admittedly my own contribution was small - I only had a Frigate available. But I was of some help, apparently, and the Admiral was most kind and complementary. I fell afoul of the enemy after we destroyed their second tower. My own fault. I did not pay attention to where I was and strayed from logi range. I planned that Executioner for speed, not withstanding a barrage of fire from a contingent of Omens! At least I made it back to station to reship in time to return to the field for the third tower.
The Admiral seemed to quite like my fit for the Executioner. I am really not an expert at that sort of thing, so I am sure he was just being polite, with me being a new recruit. The fleet joked about using the fit as an incentive for future recruitments, I think because it is relatively inexpensive and usable by even a newly licenced capsuleer. Such an amusing idea, and what an honour it would be, but I should not think they were serious.
My first real action.
We took the fight to the Blood Raiders today. The heretics have been staging attacks - is our Motherland besieged by everyone? - from within our borders, with their FOBs. Admiral Xideinis and Directrix Aspenstar led the Fleet. And it was GLORIOUS!
Admittedly my own contribution was small - I only had a Frigate available. But I was of some help, apparently, and the Admiral was most kind and complementary. I fell afoul of the enemy after we destroyed their second tower. My own fault. I did not pay attention to where I was and strayed from logi range. I planned that Executioner for speed, not withstanding a barrage of fire from a contingent of Omens! At least I made it back to station to reship in time to return to the field for the third tower.
The Admiral seemed to quite like my fit for the Executioner. I am really not an expert at that sort of thing, so I am sure he was just being polite, with me being a new recruit. The fleet joked about using the fit as an incentive for future recruitments, I think because it is relatively inexpensive and usable by even a newly licenced capsuleer. Such an amusing idea, and what an honour it would be, but I should not think they were serious.
26-11-YC120
How dare they!
Impose sanctions. Who do they think they are? And in which reality is it the place of filthy Tribals and the immoral "Federation" to judge whether the response of our Empire is sufficient? They are tin-pot dictatorships, nothing more. Democracies? What utter rot. Well, let them impose their petty sanctions, the Empire does not need their trade anyway. Piles of rusted bolts and veneral diseases - some economies!
And let their footsoldiers make their idle, empty threats. We will burn them and chase them from our Motherland, even should they bang their barbarian fists on our very gates. We have done so before!
Amarr Victor!
How dare they!
Impose sanctions. Who do they think they are? And in which reality is it the place of filthy Tribals and the immoral "Federation" to judge whether the response of our Empire is sufficient? They are tin-pot dictatorships, nothing more. Democracies? What utter rot. Well, let them impose their petty sanctions, the Empire does not need their trade anyway. Piles of rusted bolts and veneral diseases - some economies!
And let their footsoldiers make their idle, empty threats. We will burn them and chase them from our Motherland, even should they bang their barbarian fists on our very gates. We have done so before!
Amarr Victor!
16-11-YC120.
Action in Kahah has certainly kept me busy. Serving under Captain Elkin has been such an honour. She is such a skilled Fleet Commander. It brings back memories of service in Providence so long agi, although of course back then I took a much more stealthy role. It has been some time since I commanded an Omen.
I made a kill assist tonight. A Tribal, in the warzone. I had forgotten the power of adrenaline, it has been so long. I am sure I was not all that effective, to tell the truth, but I was there, and that at least gave the enemy one extra target to worry about.
Commander Adams has been most incorrigible. I am sure he and Captain Elkin at the very least have some sort of close connection, if not an actual actual amour. He certainly seems to act as though they do, and yet, at the same time, he is not averse to attempt to use his charms upon me! I must admit, he is quite charming, or he can be if he puts some effort into it, but Aldrith has warned me about him, so I must be on my guard. Strange how he does not seem to see my Shadow, nor even sense it. I feel rather drawn to him.
I do not feel that Khanid actions in Kahah have at all helped matters. Their response seems rather overzealous, and the Queen's claim of casualty numbers somewhat...low. It is not my place to question the official line, of course, but if there is one thing Father taught me about being a good scout, it is to consider information from all available sources. No doubt truth will out. It has certainly done nothing to dissuade the Tribals and Gallente from their misguided attempt to invade the Kingdom. Are they completely incapable of learning?
I still have not heard anything from Sirna. I hope she is well. Perhaps I did go too far. At least Ishta has started meeting with Father Mikhail. I hope she comes to The Faith. Her talents would be far better in the Service of God.
Action in Kahah has certainly kept me busy. Serving under Captain Elkin has been such an honour. She is such a skilled Fleet Commander. It brings back memories of service in Providence so long agi, although of course back then I took a much more stealthy role. It has been some time since I commanded an Omen.
I made a kill assist tonight. A Tribal, in the warzone. I had forgotten the power of adrenaline, it has been so long. I am sure I was not all that effective, to tell the truth, but I was there, and that at least gave the enemy one extra target to worry about.
Commander Adams has been most incorrigible. I am sure he and Captain Elkin at the very least have some sort of close connection, if not an actual actual amour. He certainly seems to act as though they do, and yet, at the same time, he is not averse to attempt to use his charms upon me! I must admit, he is quite charming, or he can be if he puts some effort into it, but Aldrith has warned me about him, so I must be on my guard. Strange how he does not seem to see my Shadow, nor even sense it. I feel rather drawn to him.
I do not feel that Khanid actions in Kahah have at all helped matters. Their response seems rather overzealous, and the Queen's claim of casualty numbers somewhat...low. It is not my place to question the official line, of course, but if there is one thing Father taught me about being a good scout, it is to consider information from all available sources. No doubt truth will out. It has certainly done nothing to dissuade the Tribals and Gallente from their misguided attempt to invade the Kingdom. Are they completely incapable of learning?
I still have not heard anything from Sirna. I hope she is well. Perhaps I did go too far. At least Ishta has started meeting with Father Mikhail. I hope she comes to The Faith. Her talents would be far better in the Service of God.
New Beginnings
10-11-YC120
Have I really done this? It seems unreal, sat here in my quarters. I look at the new insignia on my Crusade uniform. I have done it. I really have.
Praetoria Imperialis Excubitoris.
I have joined PIE.
The ceremony was, I should say, the single most nerve-wracking thing I have ever done. Captain Elkin and Commander Kley looked very imposing, of course, in their beautiful uniforms. Exactly what one would expect from a Tournament Champion. Never would I have believed that I would meet someone of such standing. Felix will be absolutely sick with envy. And Aldrith...well, Aldrith - I should refer to him as Captain Shutaq now - looked...magnificent. At least I was able to recite my oaths correctly.
So strange to be accepted into their ranks. All very well the confidence of others (Dear Niki, you never had a doubt) but nothing is a foregone conclusion, and they could have just as easily refused my application. I had convinced myself they would. If there is one thing I have learned,it is to prepare oneself for disappointment. After my Time Away, I still believe people know. Father Mikhail calls that nonsense, but they do. People can sense it, even if they do not realise it.
Why, oh why, did I join? On the surface, the awful business in Kahah, of course. I will not stand idly by while damned Minmatar invade my Motherland, hiding behind their lies of "liberation". But there is something else. Something I cannot quite fathom. I have resisted Aldrith's enticements for years, I would not even join him in the Knights, so why now?
But then, could I really have resisted Aldrith forever? Likely not. I thought he would have forgotten me, especially now he is married. Married! To Admiral Newelle! So much has changed. Such a long Time Away.
Even Sirna remembered me... Oh Sirna, I am so sorry. Such cruelty, and you with such a beautiful soul. I am pleased you have found some happiness, but I pray I have not marred that with my return. I would not even have come to see you had it not been for meeting your sister! At least you are safe now. I must speak to Ishta about that raid, and apologise to Sirna. She was right, of course, to not allow me to launch. If anything shows her goodness, it is that...
I wonder what duties will call tomorrow. Action in Kahah, no doubt...
Have I really done this? It seems unreal, sat here in my quarters. I look at the new insignia on my Crusade uniform. I have done it. I really have.
Praetoria Imperialis Excubitoris.
I have joined PIE.
The ceremony was, I should say, the single most nerve-wracking thing I have ever done. Captain Elkin and Commander Kley looked very imposing, of course, in their beautiful uniforms. Exactly what one would expect from a Tournament Champion. Never would I have believed that I would meet someone of such standing. Felix will be absolutely sick with envy. And Aldrith...well, Aldrith - I should refer to him as Captain Shutaq now - looked...magnificent. At least I was able to recite my oaths correctly.
So strange to be accepted into their ranks. All very well the confidence of others (Dear Niki, you never had a doubt) but nothing is a foregone conclusion, and they could have just as easily refused my application. I had convinced myself they would. If there is one thing I have learned,it is to prepare oneself for disappointment. After my Time Away, I still believe people know. Father Mikhail calls that nonsense, but they do. People can sense it, even if they do not realise it.
Why, oh why, did I join? On the surface, the awful business in Kahah, of course. I will not stand idly by while damned Minmatar invade my Motherland, hiding behind their lies of "liberation". But there is something else. Something I cannot quite fathom. I have resisted Aldrith's enticements for years, I would not even join him in the Knights, so why now?
But then, could I really have resisted Aldrith forever? Likely not. I thought he would have forgotten me, especially now he is married. Married! To Admiral Newelle! So much has changed. Such a long Time Away.
Even Sirna remembered me... Oh Sirna, I am so sorry. Such cruelty, and you with such a beautiful soul. I am pleased you have found some happiness, but I pray I have not marred that with my return. I would not even have come to see you had it not been for meeting your sister! At least you are safe now. I must speak to Ishta about that raid, and apologise to Sirna. She was right, of course, to not allow me to launch. If anything shows her goodness, it is that...
I wonder what duties will call tomorrow. Action in Kahah, no doubt...
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