30-04-YC121
I am in hospital. My recollections are vague, but from what I have been told it seems my sickness was caused not by that which I had hoped so dearly for, but by exposure to the same toxin used against Liana. It is, they say, a poison engineered deliberately for a genetic match, or near match, to Liana. Yet is has affected a few people, including myself, just as powerefully as it has her. Worse, in fact, as Liana has recovered already, whilst I still lie here, connected to a drip, and barely able to stomach anything much more substantial than liquid.
I have slept a lot, but I would rather have been awake, for it has not been restful sleep. I dream of Alizabeth, my mind conjuring terrible images of her final moments. I also dream of my failure in our most recent operation against the Heretics. I so dearly wanted to avenge Alizabeth, but the Heretics have evolved their tactics dramatically, and instead of focusing fire on a single target until its destruction, they switch targets as the opportunity arises, warping to a safe distance to regroup once their target is destroyed.
I was not expecting to see my overview turn red as my tiny little Executioner was targeted by every one of the Heretic ships. Needless to say it did not survive the first salvo.
I thought it simply an anomaly, like the one or two previous operations, and so I simply reshipped, but after two more losses it was clear I had become nothing more than a liability. Even worse, I almost lost my pod. I froze, lost focus, though I do not know why, and only escaped destruction, and waking in Nakri, by mere seconds.
I think, perhaps, the combination of failure, Alizabeth's tragic death, and the thought that I had almost allowed the death of Constantin's unborn child - as I believed it - was too much. I am too weak. My request to stand down from the fleet was granted, and I think Lord Consort Newelle was only too happy to agree. I am sure he must be so very angry and disappointed with me, and I cannot blame him. Admiral Xideinis was very kind in his supprtive words, and even in asking me to work on a fit-out for ther Coercer class that may be more effective than the Executioner design I developed, but the fact is undeniable - I failed. My failure did not stop there. Even though I thought I was with child, I went to the Cafe and started to drink.
The Lord Consort arrived not long afterwards, with Aria and Constantin. He offered a toast to Alizabeth, but in general he was very cold with me. I do not recall much more from then on. I think that I felt nauseous, and made my excuses to go to the bathroom. That is where Aria found me. Constantin took me straight away to the LUMEN medical facilities.
I think that I recall it was at the med-bay that I was informed that a poison had been used against Liana, though I had suspected that already. It was then I was also told that the same poison was causing my symptoms, and that I was not, after all, carrying Constantin's child. I tried to leave, knowing my duty was to be with Liana, at least whilst she still wants me as her advisor, but they would not let me go. The memory is blurred, as if I am trying to remember something that happened a very long time ago to someone else, but I think I became agitated and angry - so much so they had to sedate me. I have been mostly unconscious since then, almost three days, perhaps four. I have cuts on my arm. I think I made them myself, but I do not remember clearly.
Constantin has to return to the Republic, to his duties. I know he would not do so unless he had no choice, and he has been so kind. I do not think he has left my side since bringing me here, and I shall miss him. He has not given up on me, despite my failures and weakness, at least not yet. I do not deserve him. I am not worthy of his love.
I feel my strength returning, and I will leave soon so that I can ensure Liana is truly well again. I must also find out how the investigation I ordered I going, if they have uncovered any clues as to who may be behind this all. Constantin will, I know, insist that I stay until I am fully recovered, and I know it is because he cares so deeply for me. Yet I must put my duty before all else, so I will wait until he has left for the Republic, then I will discharge myself. I know he will understand, I just hope he will also forgive me.
I must also honour Alizabeth's memory, and I will not do so from a hospital bed, being weak and helpless. I must take her example of strength even in the face of the harshest adversity. She was, she still is, such an inspiration. I shall miss her.
27-04-YC121
Alizabeth is dead! I heard this morning, though PIE was informed yesterday. As I was being sick, wondering if my dearest dream was coming true, a Hero of the Empire, Blessed of the Eternal Empress, a person I so dearly want to call my friend, and someone I so thoroughly admire had thrown herself alone into battle against the Heretics.
It was obviously a deliberate suicide. Oh, Alizabeth, why? I know you were troubled, but I swear I meant it when I said you deserved happiness, real, proper, true happiness.
I swear before the Eternal Empress, I shall honour Alizabeth's memory. I erect a small shrine to her in the family chapel, and ask Father Mikhail to say daily prayers. I swear too that I shall avenge what those foul Heretics did to her body, nailing her up for all to see. My God, please give me the strength to do this. I shall never be close to the equal of Alizabeth, never, but I promise I shall do all I can to eradicate the foul stain of Heresy. We have an operation against another one of their Foward Operating Bases later today - that shall be where my own personal Crusade shall start.
I can write no more. My mind keep going between the ghastly image of her fate, and the faces of her poor, dear children, and it is too hard to write through the tears. Oh, Alizabeth, I fear I failed you in life, though you had asked nothing of me. I shall do all I can to redeem myself to you, I promise, in Her name!
Alizabeth is dead! I heard this morning, though PIE was informed yesterday. As I was being sick, wondering if my dearest dream was coming true, a Hero of the Empire, Blessed of the Eternal Empress, a person I so dearly want to call my friend, and someone I so thoroughly admire had thrown herself alone into battle against the Heretics.
It was obviously a deliberate suicide. Oh, Alizabeth, why? I know you were troubled, but I swear I meant it when I said you deserved happiness, real, proper, true happiness.
I swear before the Eternal Empress, I shall honour Alizabeth's memory. I erect a small shrine to her in the family chapel, and ask Father Mikhail to say daily prayers. I swear too that I shall avenge what those foul Heretics did to her body, nailing her up for all to see. My God, please give me the strength to do this. I shall never be close to the equal of Alizabeth, never, but I promise I shall do all I can to eradicate the foul stain of Heresy. We have an operation against another one of their Foward Operating Bases later today - that shall be where my own personal Crusade shall start.
I can write no more. My mind keep going between the ghastly image of her fate, and the faces of her poor, dear children, and it is too hard to write through the tears. Oh, Alizabeth, I fear I failed you in life, though you had asked nothing of me. I shall do all I can to redeem myself to you, I promise, in Her name!
26-04-YC121
I have been feeling unwell this morning, with sickness on and off. It was the same yesterday, and the day before. Could it be that my wish has come true? I will have to make a discrete appointment to see a doctor as soon as my duties allow. I shall not tell Constantin until I am absolutely sure.
Oh, how I hope it is true!
I have been feeling unwell this morning, with sickness on and off. It was the same yesterday, and the day before. Could it be that my wish has come true? I will have to make a discrete appointment to see a doctor as soon as my duties allow. I shall not tell Constantin until I am absolutely sure.
Oh, how I hope it is true!
22-04-YC121
The LUMEN celebration was a most enjoyable event, with its share of surprises, and the highlight was, of course, being able to spend so long with Constantin.
He came to collect me, and when Lana brought him to my room I was not even close to choosing a dress. I thought he would help, but he did not - quite the opposite, for after but a few minutes we were both wearing far fewer clothes. It was the most enjoyable way to start the evening, though when we did eventually arrive at Gottin's Lamp we were already quite late.
I knew I would be overdressed choosing the dress I did, though no-one seemed to mind - and I was not too self-conscious. Our hostess, Lady Qerl, was as delightful and accomplished as ever. She is such a wonderful woman, so kind and charming, but she also has quite the hidden mischevious streak, I think. I had not realised, but Lady Qerl had organised what they call a "pool party", and everyone was expected to wear swimming costumes. I had brought nothing, of course, but dear, thoughtful Lady Qerl had made sure there were costumes, very modest ones, that one could make use of. She also teased poor Constantin mercilessly about keeping his chest covered. A pity, as he has such a magnificent body, but even an Archbishop - especially an Archbishop - must observe social mores.
We also met a man by the name of Halvora, if I recall correctly - I am not very good with Gallente names - a friend of Constantin's. He seemed quite well behaved, by Gallente standards, although I sense the two have something of a history, and he strikes me as the type who may lead Constantin into trouble. Nothing too serious, I should think, but I shall keep my eye on him nonetheless. Literia was also there. I did not speak to her, given she is a member of PNS, who stood against PIE in Thebeka. Why LUMEN should invite her I do not know, but it was not my place to question. She was with a young girl, a teenager, whom I assume must be her daughter. I did not catch her name, but she is an excellent swimmer.
I should have expected Ishta to be there, of course, but I simply had not thought of it. So it was something of an unpleasant surprise to see her. I thin were it not for Ishta's arrogance and constant smirk of assumed superiority, I could quite like her, but she knows I do not approve of her relationship with Alexandr, and she flaunts the fact they are together in my face. I tried to avoid talking to her altogether - until Constantin asked me what was wrong and told me something I had not known.
It had been Ishta who had requested Captain Daphiti authorise the shore-leave that allowed me to see Constantin. I had had not the slightest idea, and she done it because she had been so worried about how hard Constantin had been driving himself. Ishta had known that his seeing me, my being with him, would help him, and ensure he was properly cared for. I had not even imagined she would be so considerate, and I have repaid her cruelly. Though I still cannot approve of her seeing my brother - their stations in life are far too far apart - I felt so immediately terrible, I still do! I had to do the only correct thing, and I thanked her for her kindness. After the wickedness I inflicted upon her sister, for her to do something so kind for me, whether she meant it directly for me or Constantin or not! It seems whenever I try to do the right thing, I fail. I hope God can forgive my failings.
The drama of the night did not end there. We moved to the mud-bath - apaprently relaxing and good for the skin. Poor Constantin had to keep his shirt on, though it soaked through and was not as concealing as Lady Qerl had for, I think. The mud was indeed relaxing, for I was just beginning to fall asleep on My Love when Liana arrived.
She did not look well at all! Apaprently she has been feeling faint and vomiting for the last couple of days, and she even fell into the mud, face first. This was not Liana's usual clumsiness, and had I not quickly helped her up she would surely have drowned! She said she was well enough to sit with us, and she seemed a little better for doing so, but I am deeply concerned. Perhaps it is my own morbid turn of mind, my Darkness, but I worry that this may be no natural illness. I will make sure the security unit is in Nafrivik as soon as possible, though there seems to be some sort of delay, I know not why.
I must have fallen asleep on Constantin after all, no doubt a combination of the stress of the the last few days. I have also not been sleeping well, my nightmares have returned. I awoke this morning in a bed that Constantin had helped me into. He is so kind, I love him so much.
The LUMEN celebration was a most enjoyable event, with its share of surprises, and the highlight was, of course, being able to spend so long with Constantin.
He came to collect me, and when Lana brought him to my room I was not even close to choosing a dress. I thought he would help, but he did not - quite the opposite, for after but a few minutes we were both wearing far fewer clothes. It was the most enjoyable way to start the evening, though when we did eventually arrive at Gottin's Lamp we were already quite late.
I knew I would be overdressed choosing the dress I did, though no-one seemed to mind - and I was not too self-conscious. Our hostess, Lady Qerl, was as delightful and accomplished as ever. She is such a wonderful woman, so kind and charming, but she also has quite the hidden mischevious streak, I think. I had not realised, but Lady Qerl had organised what they call a "pool party", and everyone was expected to wear swimming costumes. I had brought nothing, of course, but dear, thoughtful Lady Qerl had made sure there were costumes, very modest ones, that one could make use of. She also teased poor Constantin mercilessly about keeping his chest covered. A pity, as he has such a magnificent body, but even an Archbishop - especially an Archbishop - must observe social mores.
We also met a man by the name of Halvora, if I recall correctly - I am not very good with Gallente names - a friend of Constantin's. He seemed quite well behaved, by Gallente standards, although I sense the two have something of a history, and he strikes me as the type who may lead Constantin into trouble. Nothing too serious, I should think, but I shall keep my eye on him nonetheless. Literia was also there. I did not speak to her, given she is a member of PNS, who stood against PIE in Thebeka. Why LUMEN should invite her I do not know, but it was not my place to question. She was with a young girl, a teenager, whom I assume must be her daughter. I did not catch her name, but she is an excellent swimmer.
I should have expected Ishta to be there, of course, but I simply had not thought of it. So it was something of an unpleasant surprise to see her. I thin were it not for Ishta's arrogance and constant smirk of assumed superiority, I could quite like her, but she knows I do not approve of her relationship with Alexandr, and she flaunts the fact they are together in my face. I tried to avoid talking to her altogether - until Constantin asked me what was wrong and told me something I had not known.
It had been Ishta who had requested Captain Daphiti authorise the shore-leave that allowed me to see Constantin. I had had not the slightest idea, and she done it because she had been so worried about how hard Constantin had been driving himself. Ishta had known that his seeing me, my being with him, would help him, and ensure he was properly cared for. I had not even imagined she would be so considerate, and I have repaid her cruelly. Though I still cannot approve of her seeing my brother - their stations in life are far too far apart - I felt so immediately terrible, I still do! I had to do the only correct thing, and I thanked her for her kindness. After the wickedness I inflicted upon her sister, for her to do something so kind for me, whether she meant it directly for me or Constantin or not! It seems whenever I try to do the right thing, I fail. I hope God can forgive my failings.
The drama of the night did not end there. We moved to the mud-bath - apaprently relaxing and good for the skin. Poor Constantin had to keep his shirt on, though it soaked through and was not as concealing as Lady Qerl had for, I think. The mud was indeed relaxing, for I was just beginning to fall asleep on My Love when Liana arrived.
She did not look well at all! Apaprently she has been feeling faint and vomiting for the last couple of days, and she even fell into the mud, face first. This was not Liana's usual clumsiness, and had I not quickly helped her up she would surely have drowned! She said she was well enough to sit with us, and she seemed a little better for doing so, but I am deeply concerned. Perhaps it is my own morbid turn of mind, my Darkness, but I worry that this may be no natural illness. I will make sure the security unit is in Nafrivik as soon as possible, though there seems to be some sort of delay, I know not why.
I must have fallen asleep on Constantin after all, no doubt a combination of the stress of the the last few days. I have also not been sleeping well, my nightmares have returned. I awoke this morning in a bed that Constantin had helped me into. He is so kind, I love him so much.
21-04-YC121
I am very grateful Alizabeth took the time last night to meet with me. I do not think there shall ever come a time when I am not awe-struck by her SIlver Magnate. It is not so much the ship itself, though it is surely the most beautiful vessel I have ever seen, let alone been aboard, but rather what she signifies. That ship not only speaks volumes of Alizabeth skill upon the field of battle - for who other than a truly blessed warrior could even partake in the the Succession Trials - but also is a Testament to the strength and purity of Alizabeth's soul.
My only wish is that Alizabeth could see it. She seems more wracked with self-doubt than I myself have ever been, even in my darkest moments. I feel for her, I do. I like her, and when she spoke of her wishes for the future, my heart truly went out to her. I do worry some dark fate awaits her, but I shall pary to God and the Eternal Empress every day that she is blessed with the happiness she so truly deserves. Alizabeth may well not have been born or raised with the Empire, but she has more Faith, Honour, and Integrity than many here, and surely she is an example to us all.
I must feel most comfortable in her presence, though I cannot exactly expain why. She appeared most please with my gift of a bottle of our family vodka, though a little suprised when I embraced her and kissed her cheeks. She had already prepared the ritual bath for ablutions, and I disrobed there in front of her. She made no mention of my Souvenirs at all, though when I saw that she, too, carries her own scars of the past upon her body, I understood the reasons behind her discretion. Perhaps, in time, if we become the friends I hope we shall be, I shall learn more of her history, and she of mine. We then prayed together, and I included her within my supplications to Her, for I felt it only right. Afterwards we spoke for a little while, of hopes and dreams for the future, but, alas, duties for us both cut our time short. Hopefully we shall see one another again soon. I think we should both like that.
I only have a few hours before Contantin is due to arrive and collect me for the LUMEN gathering. I am rather looking forward to it, though I do not have the first idea about what I shall wear. Constantin is most adept at choosing items that complement me - I suppose he must see me with a rather more appreciative eye than I see myself. I shall ask him when he arrives.
I am very grateful Alizabeth took the time last night to meet with me. I do not think there shall ever come a time when I am not awe-struck by her SIlver Magnate. It is not so much the ship itself, though it is surely the most beautiful vessel I have ever seen, let alone been aboard, but rather what she signifies. That ship not only speaks volumes of Alizabeth skill upon the field of battle - for who other than a truly blessed warrior could even partake in the the Succession Trials - but also is a Testament to the strength and purity of Alizabeth's soul.
My only wish is that Alizabeth could see it. She seems more wracked with self-doubt than I myself have ever been, even in my darkest moments. I feel for her, I do. I like her, and when she spoke of her wishes for the future, my heart truly went out to her. I do worry some dark fate awaits her, but I shall pary to God and the Eternal Empress every day that she is blessed with the happiness she so truly deserves. Alizabeth may well not have been born or raised with the Empire, but she has more Faith, Honour, and Integrity than many here, and surely she is an example to us all.
I must feel most comfortable in her presence, though I cannot exactly expain why. She appeared most please with my gift of a bottle of our family vodka, though a little suprised when I embraced her and kissed her cheeks. She had already prepared the ritual bath for ablutions, and I disrobed there in front of her. She made no mention of my Souvenirs at all, though when I saw that she, too, carries her own scars of the past upon her body, I understood the reasons behind her discretion. Perhaps, in time, if we become the friends I hope we shall be, I shall learn more of her history, and she of mine. We then prayed together, and I included her within my supplications to Her, for I felt it only right. Afterwards we spoke for a little while, of hopes and dreams for the future, but, alas, duties for us both cut our time short. Hopefully we shall see one another again soon. I think we should both like that.
I only have a few hours before Contantin is due to arrive and collect me for the LUMEN gathering. I am rather looking forward to it, though I do not have the first idea about what I shall wear. Constantin is most adept at choosing items that complement me - I suppose he must see me with a rather more appreciative eye than I see myself. I shall ask him when he arrives.
18-04-YC121
So many things to attend to, and so little time, it seems. How joyous to spend a day with my family, celebrating Nikolai's birthday! Of course, it is a shame Nikolai cannot also be here, indeed, it was only Mama, Felix, and I - though Kolya did manage a comm from his ship, which made Mama ever so happy. We had jsut enough time to sing a little song before the comm ended automatically. I do hope he is home soon, but the Navy will have him on operations as long as is required, and with the current situation within our Empire, that might be some time. Papa and Sasha have been terribly busy also.
I have had a message from Constantin. He would like me to accompany him to a little celebration LUMEN are having in a couple of days. It is a private affair, but I shall be delighted to spend time with him. Everyone from LUMEN worked so hard and tirelessly - and selflessly- in Aridia that they most surely deserve some sort of opportunity to relax. They may be a more civilian organisation than PIE, but the work they do is invaluable and our Empire would suffer all the more without their assistance. I too would be for the worse, for I would never have met my beloved.
Alizabeth has also agreed to allow me to meet her, that I may give thanks in her shrine dedicated to Her. Such kindness. Many, I think, see only the hardened warrior, the noble and fearless protector of our Motherland, but I, for one, see that Aliabeth is more than that. She and I are quite similar in many ways, or at least I believe we are. I hope I shall be able to spend a little time with her, perhaps in more settled times. I will she her before the LUMEN gathering, and give thanks to my Eternal Empress for all the blessings I have been gifted.
So many things to attend to, and so little time, it seems. How joyous to spend a day with my family, celebrating Nikolai's birthday! Of course, it is a shame Nikolai cannot also be here, indeed, it was only Mama, Felix, and I - though Kolya did manage a comm from his ship, which made Mama ever so happy. We had jsut enough time to sing a little song before the comm ended automatically. I do hope he is home soon, but the Navy will have him on operations as long as is required, and with the current situation within our Empire, that might be some time. Papa and Sasha have been terribly busy also.
I have had a message from Constantin. He would like me to accompany him to a little celebration LUMEN are having in a couple of days. It is a private affair, but I shall be delighted to spend time with him. Everyone from LUMEN worked so hard and tirelessly - and selflessly- in Aridia that they most surely deserve some sort of opportunity to relax. They may be a more civilian organisation than PIE, but the work they do is invaluable and our Empire would suffer all the more without their assistance. I too would be for the worse, for I would never have met my beloved.
Alizabeth has also agreed to allow me to meet her, that I may give thanks in her shrine dedicated to Her. Such kindness. Many, I think, see only the hardened warrior, the noble and fearless protector of our Motherland, but I, for one, see that Aliabeth is more than that. She and I are quite similar in many ways, or at least I believe we are. I hope I shall be able to spend a little time with her, perhaps in more settled times. I will she her before the LUMEN gathering, and give thanks to my Eternal Empress for all the blessings I have been gifted.
13-04-YC121
It has been a most busy few days, I have, again, neglected this diary - and yet I feel I have barely anything to write. Assisting the Navy with patrols has meant I have seen a lot of action, but little of any real significance - certainly not as grand or impressive as my comrades, especially Lieutenant Lioncourt or Captain Elkin. Between patrols, of course, there is putting thing in place in, and for, Nafrivik. Again, there is little solid to see as yet, but then as I am sure Papa would wisely intone, the more unseen preparations, the more successful the results - or something akin to that. Papa would phrase it much more profoundly.
I miss Constantin, painfully so. I have not even had time to communicate much with him, though we have written to one another. Every time I read his words I fall in love with him all over again - not that there is the slightest chance of my ever not being in love with him. I wish I could write a beautifully as he. I do worry he must find my replies tragically dull and uninspiring, but words fail me, and I find it so hard to convey my true feelings.
The Directrix shared with me the most wonderful idea, and I curse myself that I did not think of it sooner. A virtual world, a special, unique creation for Constantin and I. Indeed, created by us, together. We can touch, and feel, and sense, as though we were together in reality - and I hear, do the things we do together in reality! I shall suggest it to My Love when next we speak. I am sure he will agree, for it will help the both of us to accept a little easier our being apart.
I have so much to be thankful for, and so many happy events have enriched my life of late, that I know I should give proper thanks to God and to Her. There is only one place I can think sacred and special enough, but of course I must ask permission to visit it. I shall also contact Alizabeth, and humbly request a little time aboard her Silver Magnate. It will also be a welcome opportunity to speak with Alizabeth herself, and perhaps get to know her better. I do so very much like the Marshal Protector, and admire her even more - I harbour a hope, foolish perhaps but sincere nonetheless, that we may become friends in time.
It has been a most busy few days, I have, again, neglected this diary - and yet I feel I have barely anything to write. Assisting the Navy with patrols has meant I have seen a lot of action, but little of any real significance - certainly not as grand or impressive as my comrades, especially Lieutenant Lioncourt or Captain Elkin. Between patrols, of course, there is putting thing in place in, and for, Nafrivik. Again, there is little solid to see as yet, but then as I am sure Papa would wisely intone, the more unseen preparations, the more successful the results - or something akin to that. Papa would phrase it much more profoundly.
I miss Constantin, painfully so. I have not even had time to communicate much with him, though we have written to one another. Every time I read his words I fall in love with him all over again - not that there is the slightest chance of my ever not being in love with him. I wish I could write a beautifully as he. I do worry he must find my replies tragically dull and uninspiring, but words fail me, and I find it so hard to convey my true feelings.
The Directrix shared with me the most wonderful idea, and I curse myself that I did not think of it sooner. A virtual world, a special, unique creation for Constantin and I. Indeed, created by us, together. We can touch, and feel, and sense, as though we were together in reality - and I hear, do the things we do together in reality! I shall suggest it to My Love when next we speak. I am sure he will agree, for it will help the both of us to accept a little easier our being apart.
I have so much to be thankful for, and so many happy events have enriched my life of late, that I know I should give proper thanks to God and to Her. There is only one place I can think sacred and special enough, but of course I must ask permission to visit it. I shall also contact Alizabeth, and humbly request a little time aboard her Silver Magnate. It will also be a welcome opportunity to speak with Alizabeth herself, and perhaps get to know her better. I do so very much like the Marshal Protector, and admire her even more - I harbour a hope, foolish perhaps but sincere nonetheless, that we may become friends in time.
06-04-YC121
It is so heartbreaking to have to leave Constantin and his family behind, but I must return to my duties, most especially the task I have been given in ensuring Liana stays free of any corrupting influences. The first task of import, I feel, must surely be to thoroughly evaluate her current security arrangements. I think it likely that the most efficient and effective course of action will be to remove her present security detail - assuming she actually has on, which I very much doubt - and replace it with people I know I can trust. I think Father's connections will be particularly beneficial in this regard.
I shall miss the gardens particularly. They were so beautiful, and I shall not quickly forget the cleansing ritual Constantin performed in the pool, and not simply for the fact that he surprised me by sweeping me backwards into the water. Oh, moya lyubov, how blessedly sweet you are! I know you want to wash away and cleanse me of all the Darkness that plagues me, and perhaps in time your love will do just that, if God Wills it. Your ceremony, My Darling, was quite different to that which Father Mikhail performs, which much more water involved, but there was, I must admit, something about it which touched me deeply. Perhaps it was the love and concern in your eyes, perhaps the strong but gentle way you held me in the water, perhaps something else, but whatever it may have been, it was there.
I shall keep these memories for quiet times to myself. I am sure Constantin would understand that I cannot fill all my waking thoughts with them, much as I would wish to. My focus must, for now at least, be on the situation with Liana. I have given her the good news, of course, and she seems very pleased with it. I did remark, again, that I am most surprised that she has not asked Druur to act in a simialr capacity, but it seems that their relationship is indeed very much of a different sort. I shall have to uncover just how different. I am sure, given her membership in SFRIM, Druur is perfectly trustworthy, but until I know for sure, I cannot entire be confident. Unfortunately, given Liana's new social status is elevated far above that of Druur, even if she is beyond reproach, if their relationship is of an inappropriate nature, it will have to end. This may require some gentle encouragement, and shall be such a pity if required. Yet, if it is a necessity, then so it must be.
There are, it seems, other inappropriate relationships that will need to brought to an end. No doubt these too will meet with resistance, and given the nature of the people involved, most stubborn resistance at that. I expected that some subtle influence will need to be exerted, but there shall still be some sort of backlash. I wonder, perhaps, if the two problems may be resolved with one solution? Possibly, though likely difficult.
In the defence of the Empire, sacrifices must be made.
It is so heartbreaking to have to leave Constantin and his family behind, but I must return to my duties, most especially the task I have been given in ensuring Liana stays free of any corrupting influences. The first task of import, I feel, must surely be to thoroughly evaluate her current security arrangements. I think it likely that the most efficient and effective course of action will be to remove her present security detail - assuming she actually has on, which I very much doubt - and replace it with people I know I can trust. I think Father's connections will be particularly beneficial in this regard.
I shall miss the gardens particularly. They were so beautiful, and I shall not quickly forget the cleansing ritual Constantin performed in the pool, and not simply for the fact that he surprised me by sweeping me backwards into the water. Oh, moya lyubov, how blessedly sweet you are! I know you want to wash away and cleanse me of all the Darkness that plagues me, and perhaps in time your love will do just that, if God Wills it. Your ceremony, My Darling, was quite different to that which Father Mikhail performs, which much more water involved, but there was, I must admit, something about it which touched me deeply. Perhaps it was the love and concern in your eyes, perhaps the strong but gentle way you held me in the water, perhaps something else, but whatever it may have been, it was there.
I shall keep these memories for quiet times to myself. I am sure Constantin would understand that I cannot fill all my waking thoughts with them, much as I would wish to. My focus must, for now at least, be on the situation with Liana. I have given her the good news, of course, and she seems very pleased with it. I did remark, again, that I am most surprised that she has not asked Druur to act in a simialr capacity, but it seems that their relationship is indeed very much of a different sort. I shall have to uncover just how different. I am sure, given her membership in SFRIM, Druur is perfectly trustworthy, but until I know for sure, I cannot entire be confident. Unfortunately, given Liana's new social status is elevated far above that of Druur, even if she is beyond reproach, if their relationship is of an inappropriate nature, it will have to end. This may require some gentle encouragement, and shall be such a pity if required. Yet, if it is a necessity, then so it must be.
There are, it seems, other inappropriate relationships that will need to brought to an end. No doubt these too will meet with resistance, and given the nature of the people involved, most stubborn resistance at that. I expected that some subtle influence will need to be exerted, but there shall still be some sort of backlash. I wonder, perhaps, if the two problems may be resolved with one solution? Possibly, though likely difficult.
In the defence of the Empire, sacrifices must be made.
04-04-YC121
Bozhe Moi! There are so many wonderful things to see here, and Constantin keeps me so busy, I barely have time to write. Yesterday, after revisiting his favourite coffee house, he whisked me off to the Botanical Gardens. Dear Sweet Constantin, I shall never quite develop a taste for coffee - tea is much preferred in Nakri - but the Gardens! I could spend a lifetime there. I know Papa is proud of our little collected at home, but perhaps stations just simply are not as well suited as being planetside for growing such a variety of species. I cannot think why, but that certainly seems to be the case. Or perhaps Papa simply is not quite the horticulturalist he hopes to be. Oh, Papa, I am sorry.
Surrounded by such beauty, and of course walking arm in arm with Constantin, I could not help but feel the romance. I found myself hoping against hope that each time he stopped to sow me another exotic specimen that he was about to go down on one knee. So stupid and so impatient, I know, but I cannot help myself. It is far, far too soon, of course, and why should he ever think of such a thing. I am sure this must just be a fling to him. A sweet, beautiful, and very genuine, but nonetheless temporary affair. At least, I should convince myself of such, lest I open myself up to heartache I could not otherwise bear.
Focus on my own duties will also help, of course, and this morning I had to leave Amarr - Constantin was again busy - and report to Lord Consort Newelle on Mishi. It appears that Lady Newelle has given responsibility of the implementation and supervision of my suggested plan to the Lord Consort. I can understand this of course, and it is a relief that the Lord Consort has agreed to my plan, although he appears quite sceptical about its worth. More unexpected was the Lord Consort's open statement that he and Lady Newelle are considering some future role for my in Lady Newelle's Court. Such a position would be the greatest honour yet, though I cannot think what role, even the no doubt incredibly minor one they envisaged, I would be even remotely suited for. Perhaps I shall find out soon enough, but first I feel I ust prove myself worthy through the success of my current assignment.
Lord Newelle appears particularly interested in the role of Ms Monakh and her relationship with Liana. I agree that we must ensure that everyone even remotely linked with Liana must be assessed, their loyalities ascertained. Of course, subtlety will be of utmost importance. Firstly, I would not want Liana to worry that something was amiss; Secondly, if there are any undesirable elements, we cannot afford to alert them before we have a chance to purge them. I will need to make absolutely sure of Liana's loyalties too. Whilst I am sure I can influence her, her Holding is ultimately within the Domain of Tash-Murkon, and if our Motherland is cursed with the scourge of internal conflict, they will likely stand against Sarum.
I pray Almighty God saves us from such horrors, but if our Faith must be tested thus, and such must be to eradicate the Enemy Within, so be it! God shall not find us wanting.
Bozhe Moi! There are so many wonderful things to see here, and Constantin keeps me so busy, I barely have time to write. Yesterday, after revisiting his favourite coffee house, he whisked me off to the Botanical Gardens. Dear Sweet Constantin, I shall never quite develop a taste for coffee - tea is much preferred in Nakri - but the Gardens! I could spend a lifetime there. I know Papa is proud of our little collected at home, but perhaps stations just simply are not as well suited as being planetside for growing such a variety of species. I cannot think why, but that certainly seems to be the case. Or perhaps Papa simply is not quite the horticulturalist he hopes to be. Oh, Papa, I am sorry.
Surrounded by such beauty, and of course walking arm in arm with Constantin, I could not help but feel the romance. I found myself hoping against hope that each time he stopped to sow me another exotic specimen that he was about to go down on one knee. So stupid and so impatient, I know, but I cannot help myself. It is far, far too soon, of course, and why should he ever think of such a thing. I am sure this must just be a fling to him. A sweet, beautiful, and very genuine, but nonetheless temporary affair. At least, I should convince myself of such, lest I open myself up to heartache I could not otherwise bear.
Focus on my own duties will also help, of course, and this morning I had to leave Amarr - Constantin was again busy - and report to Lord Consort Newelle on Mishi. It appears that Lady Newelle has given responsibility of the implementation and supervision of my suggested plan to the Lord Consort. I can understand this of course, and it is a relief that the Lord Consort has agreed to my plan, although he appears quite sceptical about its worth. More unexpected was the Lord Consort's open statement that he and Lady Newelle are considering some future role for my in Lady Newelle's Court. Such a position would be the greatest honour yet, though I cannot think what role, even the no doubt incredibly minor one they envisaged, I would be even remotely suited for. Perhaps I shall find out soon enough, but first I feel I ust prove myself worthy through the success of my current assignment.
Lord Newelle appears particularly interested in the role of Ms Monakh and her relationship with Liana. I agree that we must ensure that everyone even remotely linked with Liana must be assessed, their loyalities ascertained. Of course, subtlety will be of utmost importance. Firstly, I would not want Liana to worry that something was amiss; Secondly, if there are any undesirable elements, we cannot afford to alert them before we have a chance to purge them. I will need to make absolutely sure of Liana's loyalties too. Whilst I am sure I can influence her, her Holding is ultimately within the Domain of Tash-Murkon, and if our Motherland is cursed with the scourge of internal conflict, they will likely stand against Sarum.
I pray Almighty God saves us from such horrors, but if our Faith must be tested thus, and such must be to eradicate the Enemy Within, so be it! God shall not find us wanting.
03-04-YC121
I did not sleep well last night, despite being in Constantin's arms. I dreamt of my Time Away, of the things the Angels did to me. I suspect that the questions of Constantin's family over my Souvenirs brought up darker thoughts I had foolishly thought subdued and buried. I should know I cannot truly escape, but I do not blame them. They have a right to know my past if I am to be in Constantin's life, if only for a short time, but now that they know, I must brace myself lest they forbid out relationship.
I would not blame them, there must be a million young women on this planet alone better suited to be on his arm, and in his bed, than I. I shall make the most of my time with him, of my time in love, whilst I can.
I could not quite shake the Darkness, but exercise has always helped. Whilst Constantin attended to various duties around the Basilica, I took the time to go through my routine. It has made me feel much better, and now I feel I can enjoy a few moments alone before meeting Constantin again.
I have not yet heard from Lady Newelle regarding my proposal in relation to Liana. I hope Her Ladyship sees the sense in it. It appears Liana's good news is becoming common knowledge now - I did not believe it would be quiet for long - and the quicker we move the better. Liana is very sweet, but I fear easily taken advantage of, and were the enemies within to place themselves in such a position to gain influence over her and use the resources now at her disposal for their own nefarious schemes, the dangers facing the Empire would only increase. Better there is someone trustworthy at Liana's side, to keep her safe and free from malign influence. There will also be much to do, so time, I feel, is of the essence. I pray a reply comes soon, and I pray it is in agreement.
I did not sleep well last night, despite being in Constantin's arms. I dreamt of my Time Away, of the things the Angels did to me. I suspect that the questions of Constantin's family over my Souvenirs brought up darker thoughts I had foolishly thought subdued and buried. I should know I cannot truly escape, but I do not blame them. They have a right to know my past if I am to be in Constantin's life, if only for a short time, but now that they know, I must brace myself lest they forbid out relationship.
I would not blame them, there must be a million young women on this planet alone better suited to be on his arm, and in his bed, than I. I shall make the most of my time with him, of my time in love, whilst I can.
I could not quite shake the Darkness, but exercise has always helped. Whilst Constantin attended to various duties around the Basilica, I took the time to go through my routine. It has made me feel much better, and now I feel I can enjoy a few moments alone before meeting Constantin again.
I have not yet heard from Lady Newelle regarding my proposal in relation to Liana. I hope Her Ladyship sees the sense in it. It appears Liana's good news is becoming common knowledge now - I did not believe it would be quiet for long - and the quicker we move the better. Liana is very sweet, but I fear easily taken advantage of, and were the enemies within to place themselves in such a position to gain influence over her and use the resources now at her disposal for their own nefarious schemes, the dangers facing the Empire would only increase. Better there is someone trustworthy at Liana's side, to keep her safe and free from malign influence. There will also be much to do, so time, I feel, is of the essence. I pray a reply comes soon, and I pray it is in agreement.
02-04-YC121
Today has been another busy day. This morning was a visit to the markets with Thracia and little baby Tercia - how sweet and adorable she is - I find rather unexpected instincts quite stirred whenever I see her. Even at an early hour the markets were so incredibly busy. We visited some of Thracia's favourite business, but the only item I bought was a new swimsuit. A rather risqué cut, I must admit, but there is something about Constantin that encourages me to be somewhat mischevious, and I have no care for whatever the so-called popular media might say. It does nothing to hide my Souvenirs, of course, but even with these I no longer feel as self-conscious as I used to. I am not completely sure why that is, but I suspect it likely connected with how Constantin makes me feel.
Thracia did quite a lot more purchasing that I - I think it may be quite the pasttime of hers - and I held little Tercia whilst she tried on some very beautiful dresses. I simply cannot put into adequate words how I felt holding such a tiny little child. I felt right, as though my holding a baby were the most natural event in the world. She was so peaceful and sweet, though I am sure she cannot be like that all the time. Should it cause me concern that I felt a little pang of regret and jealousy when I handed her gently back to her Mama? Perhaps; or perhaps it is a positive sign.
After a light lunch at a very nice bistro, I went to meet Constantin at the beach. He had promised time together, and he more than delivered that promise. Again, so many people, and Constantin's family are such celebrities here, and I apparently such an object of curiosity, that privacy was very difficult to find. We had to swim quite far out to a sandbar to have even a few brief moments alone. I am glad we did, it was so difficult not to press myself against Constantin's athletic body, but we must keep some decorum. He is quite the powerful swimmer, though I had to hold back so that I did not leave him too far behind. I suppose his duties are so all-consuming of his time that he simply does not have the opoortunities to exercise as I do. He is by no means unfit, of course, and I shall certain make sure he keeps his stamina up.
From the sandbar I could see a faint glimmer on the horizon, and asked Constantin what it was.
Dam-Torsad.
Strange to see that place so far away. I had never thought I should see it from another part of Amarr Prime, only from space. To think of the changes that have happened in my life since last I was there; changes I could never have foreseen. Truly God is kind.
Constantin took me to a secluded little place afterwards, where we actually had some privacy and time alone to enjoy one another, as lovers.
I have just caught up with developments on the IGS. It seems Aldrith's little performance on Anath has caused quite a stir, and I can see why. I understand his anger and frustration, and Aldrith would not be Aldrith if he did not throw down the gauntlet to our enemies. I feel, however, he should not have done so at LUMEN'S ceremony, it rather overshadowed the affair, and that sort of behaviour is unlikely to reflect well on PIE.
The truth is, however, that storms clouds are gathering and battle-lines are being drawn. There are dark times ahead for our Empire, our Motherland, it seems. Duty shall inevitably call, and I shall heed that call, but I pray, by the Grace of God, that I am afforded as much time as possible with Constantin before the call comes.
Today has been another busy day. This morning was a visit to the markets with Thracia and little baby Tercia - how sweet and adorable she is - I find rather unexpected instincts quite stirred whenever I see her. Even at an early hour the markets were so incredibly busy. We visited some of Thracia's favourite business, but the only item I bought was a new swimsuit. A rather risqué cut, I must admit, but there is something about Constantin that encourages me to be somewhat mischevious, and I have no care for whatever the so-called popular media might say. It does nothing to hide my Souvenirs, of course, but even with these I no longer feel as self-conscious as I used to. I am not completely sure why that is, but I suspect it likely connected with how Constantin makes me feel.
Thracia did quite a lot more purchasing that I - I think it may be quite the pasttime of hers - and I held little Tercia whilst she tried on some very beautiful dresses. I simply cannot put into adequate words how I felt holding such a tiny little child. I felt right, as though my holding a baby were the most natural event in the world. She was so peaceful and sweet, though I am sure she cannot be like that all the time. Should it cause me concern that I felt a little pang of regret and jealousy when I handed her gently back to her Mama? Perhaps; or perhaps it is a positive sign.
After a light lunch at a very nice bistro, I went to meet Constantin at the beach. He had promised time together, and he more than delivered that promise. Again, so many people, and Constantin's family are such celebrities here, and I apparently such an object of curiosity, that privacy was very difficult to find. We had to swim quite far out to a sandbar to have even a few brief moments alone. I am glad we did, it was so difficult not to press myself against Constantin's athletic body, but we must keep some decorum. He is quite the powerful swimmer, though I had to hold back so that I did not leave him too far behind. I suppose his duties are so all-consuming of his time that he simply does not have the opoortunities to exercise as I do. He is by no means unfit, of course, and I shall certain make sure he keeps his stamina up.
From the sandbar I could see a faint glimmer on the horizon, and asked Constantin what it was.
Dam-Torsad.
Strange to see that place so far away. I had never thought I should see it from another part of Amarr Prime, only from space. To think of the changes that have happened in my life since last I was there; changes I could never have foreseen. Truly God is kind.
Constantin took me to a secluded little place afterwards, where we actually had some privacy and time alone to enjoy one another, as lovers.
I have just caught up with developments on the IGS. It seems Aldrith's little performance on Anath has caused quite a stir, and I can see why. I understand his anger and frustration, and Aldrith would not be Aldrith if he did not throw down the gauntlet to our enemies. I feel, however, he should not have done so at LUMEN'S ceremony, it rather overshadowed the affair, and that sort of behaviour is unlikely to reflect well on PIE.
The truth is, however, that storms clouds are gathering and battle-lines are being drawn. There are dark times ahead for our Empire, our Motherland, it seems. Duty shall inevitably call, and I shall heed that call, but I pray, by the Grace of God, that I am afforded as much time as possible with Constantin before the call comes.
01-04-YC121
It has been such an eventful day! Everything has been such a blur, and to think so much has happened in the space of only a few hours. I cannot begin to imagine what the rest of this week shall bring.
Constantin's surprise was to bring me here, to his home in Amran Sirrush. I have never been to this city before, and it is truly an amazing place. There are wonders everywhere, I can scarcely begin to describe them. The most remarkable thing is how wonderfully warm it is here. Of course, that is hardly a surprise given the city rises from the Vindaren desert, but I have never felt so warm in all my life. I would have expected it to be almost unbearable hot, and perhaps it may be come warmer months - I do not know what season it is here currently, I must ask Constantin - but at the moment it is pleasantly warm.
It is also so busy, throngs of people everywhere. I should think that the station at home probably has more people, but one simply never seems to see that many people at one time. I think that seeing the citizens of this place going about their daily business amongst the streets and markets, under the wonderfully blue sky makes it seem so much more populated. Perhaps I have just never noticed it back in Nakri, I am just so used to living on a station.
Oh, and how people looked! They pretended not to, but it was plain to see they were. They must have wondered who this strange pale woman was, walking arm in arm with the scion of the most important family in the city. The sight of us being greeted by the family's personal security was no doubt a highlight for them also.
I must admit, I found Constantin's uncle Praetus quite intimidating at first, and I thought he was going to chastise My Love quite severely, but it seems they have simply missed him. I felt so selfish - Constantin has so little time free from his duties, and I have hoarded it all. I think that Praetus at least holds no ill-will toward me for it, for he took us straight to the family's personal tailor, Beversi, where I was given the most exquisitely beautiful dress I have ever seen! They must be the finest creations in all Amarr, and they were for me! Truly they were not deserved, I am sure. The most beautiful I cannot wait to wear - red with gold wiring, and a creation not of Beversi, but of his assistant, Golnaz. Such a sweet looking girl and so young to have such skill. It can be nothing but a natural talent. I think I shall ask if I may commission Liana's new wardrobe from her. It shall fit her new station. I must say that I am rather selfishly pleased that as pretty as Liana is, Praetus and Beversi shall not say that she is quite as close to the ideal as I! Oh, such flattery, I am sure they wer only being kind. I did not even know Scriptures contained the measurements of the perfect Amarrian woman. I must ask Father Mikhail about it.
When we were alone, Praetus asked about my Souvenirs. I was honest, of course, though did not elaborate overmuch. He was so kind and understanding. I thought he would have been shocked at the very least, or embarrassed that his nephew had chosen such a lowly creature as I, but no; he was so welcoming I could not have wished for more.
The drive to Constantin's home was filled with more sights and sounds of the city, of course. So many people; and this time many taking picts or holorecordings. It was quite unnerving, but with Constantin by my side I am sure I could face anything. So strange to think that the heat of battle is as nothing, and yet such throngs, all focused on us, gave me such feelings. We arrived at the Basilica, which incorporates the family home, after a short drive. It was even busy here, with so many servants and slaves. It was then I was introduced to Gemmicus, who immediately hugged me! I do not know what Constantin has told his family about me, but it seems to have made them already very fond of me. I pray I can live up to whatever expectations they have of me.
We performed the foot-washing ceremony before entering the house - I think Praetus was quite pleased when I asked if I could wash Constantin's feet myself. Dinner was being prepared, so Constantin and I rested for a while beforehand. I am terribly grateful for that rest, for it was getting quite overwhelming, and had I known what was to come at dinner, I think I may have found it quite difficult. Not because it was unpleasant, but because it was very much the opposite. I have been made to feel so welcome and so loved already, that I am not ashamed to write that I had tears in my eyes more than once.
Constantin, my wonderful, powerful Constantin, took my mind away from any worries. We did not get much in the way of rest in his rooms, of course - he is quite insatiable, but then I suppose I cannot get enough of him either.
The dining room, or rather I should say dining hall, was simply hectic with servants and housestaff! Dzerzhinsky would have quite the headache trying to run this household. Constantin was dragged off almost immediately having to authorise something or other.
That is when I met her. Deacon Helena Barraca. Constantin's mother! Such a beautiful, majestic lady could only be the matriarch of this family, and the mother of My Beloved. I had expected to be so intimidated by her I would barely be able to speak, but her kind, gentle manner instantly put me at ease. She even wept with happiness to meet me, and I wept too, she was so wonderful. I think I instantly loved her as I do my own dear Mama. We talked and talked as if we had known one another for years! I know in my heart that I shall always be happy and welcome here. She even spoke on the subject of love and marriage over dinner, and I cannot imagine a more delightful and encouraging sign of being welcomed into a family!
Dinner was delightful, but it was meeting Constantin's family that made it so complete. Praetus and Gammicus, of course, and another uncle, Septimus - who mentioned that even more family members will be joining us in a few days! His wife, Cadia seemed very quite. I shall try to get to know her better in less busy surrounding, perhaps in the next few days. For tomorrow, I have been invited by Thracia, Contantin's sister, to the markets. I think that shall be quite exciting, and it will give me opportunity to get to know her better. We shall get on famously, I am sure. Constantin can spend the day with Thracia's husband, Simon. I hope Thracia will bring the children with us, however. Little Kaius is quite the image of his father, though he could barely see over the table. Sweetest of all, of course, was baby Tercia. How cure she looked in her cradle - I confess she stirred some feeling within me that I could not ignore. Is it too much to hope and pray that one day God my bless Constantin and I with a little one. I fear to think of such things lest - but no, I shall not even write any thought but those which bring joy, just as this whole day has.
Joy, but also exhaustion. I had much to reflect on and be thankful to God for during Contemplation. I also fielded so many questions about myself and how Constantin and I met and so many other things that now I am scarce able to even think. It has been a tiring day for Constantin also, and already he is sleeping soundly. Yet, I am so very happy. So very, very happy. I look forward to tomorrow. I wonder what further wonders and blessings it shall bring.
It has been such an eventful day! Everything has been such a blur, and to think so much has happened in the space of only a few hours. I cannot begin to imagine what the rest of this week shall bring.
Constantin's surprise was to bring me here, to his home in Amran Sirrush. I have never been to this city before, and it is truly an amazing place. There are wonders everywhere, I can scarcely begin to describe them. The most remarkable thing is how wonderfully warm it is here. Of course, that is hardly a surprise given the city rises from the Vindaren desert, but I have never felt so warm in all my life. I would have expected it to be almost unbearable hot, and perhaps it may be come warmer months - I do not know what season it is here currently, I must ask Constantin - but at the moment it is pleasantly warm.
It is also so busy, throngs of people everywhere. I should think that the station at home probably has more people, but one simply never seems to see that many people at one time. I think that seeing the citizens of this place going about their daily business amongst the streets and markets, under the wonderfully blue sky makes it seem so much more populated. Perhaps I have just never noticed it back in Nakri, I am just so used to living on a station.
Oh, and how people looked! They pretended not to, but it was plain to see they were. They must have wondered who this strange pale woman was, walking arm in arm with the scion of the most important family in the city. The sight of us being greeted by the family's personal security was no doubt a highlight for them also.
I must admit, I found Constantin's uncle Praetus quite intimidating at first, and I thought he was going to chastise My Love quite severely, but it seems they have simply missed him. I felt so selfish - Constantin has so little time free from his duties, and I have hoarded it all. I think that Praetus at least holds no ill-will toward me for it, for he took us straight to the family's personal tailor, Beversi, where I was given the most exquisitely beautiful dress I have ever seen! They must be the finest creations in all Amarr, and they were for me! Truly they were not deserved, I am sure. The most beautiful I cannot wait to wear - red with gold wiring, and a creation not of Beversi, but of his assistant, Golnaz. Such a sweet looking girl and so young to have such skill. It can be nothing but a natural talent. I think I shall ask if I may commission Liana's new wardrobe from her. It shall fit her new station. I must say that I am rather selfishly pleased that as pretty as Liana is, Praetus and Beversi shall not say that she is quite as close to the ideal as I! Oh, such flattery, I am sure they wer only being kind. I did not even know Scriptures contained the measurements of the perfect Amarrian woman. I must ask Father Mikhail about it.
When we were alone, Praetus asked about my Souvenirs. I was honest, of course, though did not elaborate overmuch. He was so kind and understanding. I thought he would have been shocked at the very least, or embarrassed that his nephew had chosen such a lowly creature as I, but no; he was so welcoming I could not have wished for more.
The drive to Constantin's home was filled with more sights and sounds of the city, of course. So many people; and this time many taking picts or holorecordings. It was quite unnerving, but with Constantin by my side I am sure I could face anything. So strange to think that the heat of battle is as nothing, and yet such throngs, all focused on us, gave me such feelings. We arrived at the Basilica, which incorporates the family home, after a short drive. It was even busy here, with so many servants and slaves. It was then I was introduced to Gemmicus, who immediately hugged me! I do not know what Constantin has told his family about me, but it seems to have made them already very fond of me. I pray I can live up to whatever expectations they have of me.
We performed the foot-washing ceremony before entering the house - I think Praetus was quite pleased when I asked if I could wash Constantin's feet myself. Dinner was being prepared, so Constantin and I rested for a while beforehand. I am terribly grateful for that rest, for it was getting quite overwhelming, and had I known what was to come at dinner, I think I may have found it quite difficult. Not because it was unpleasant, but because it was very much the opposite. I have been made to feel so welcome and so loved already, that I am not ashamed to write that I had tears in my eyes more than once.
Constantin, my wonderful, powerful Constantin, took my mind away from any worries. We did not get much in the way of rest in his rooms, of course - he is quite insatiable, but then I suppose I cannot get enough of him either.
The dining room, or rather I should say dining hall, was simply hectic with servants and housestaff! Dzerzhinsky would have quite the headache trying to run this household. Constantin was dragged off almost immediately having to authorise something or other.
That is when I met her. Deacon Helena Barraca. Constantin's mother! Such a beautiful, majestic lady could only be the matriarch of this family, and the mother of My Beloved. I had expected to be so intimidated by her I would barely be able to speak, but her kind, gentle manner instantly put me at ease. She even wept with happiness to meet me, and I wept too, she was so wonderful. I think I instantly loved her as I do my own dear Mama. We talked and talked as if we had known one another for years! I know in my heart that I shall always be happy and welcome here. She even spoke on the subject of love and marriage over dinner, and I cannot imagine a more delightful and encouraging sign of being welcomed into a family!
Dinner was delightful, but it was meeting Constantin's family that made it so complete. Praetus and Gammicus, of course, and another uncle, Septimus - who mentioned that even more family members will be joining us in a few days! His wife, Cadia seemed very quite. I shall try to get to know her better in less busy surrounding, perhaps in the next few days. For tomorrow, I have been invited by Thracia, Contantin's sister, to the markets. I think that shall be quite exciting, and it will give me opportunity to get to know her better. We shall get on famously, I am sure. Constantin can spend the day with Thracia's husband, Simon. I hope Thracia will bring the children with us, however. Little Kaius is quite the image of his father, though he could barely see over the table. Sweetest of all, of course, was baby Tercia. How cure she looked in her cradle - I confess she stirred some feeling within me that I could not ignore. Is it too much to hope and pray that one day God my bless Constantin and I with a little one. I fear to think of such things lest - but no, I shall not even write any thought but those which bring joy, just as this whole day has.
Joy, but also exhaustion. I had much to reflect on and be thankful to God for during Contemplation. I also fielded so many questions about myself and how Constantin and I met and so many other things that now I am scarce able to even think. It has been a tiring day for Constantin also, and already he is sleeping soundly. Yet, I am so very happy. So very, very happy. I look forward to tomorrow. I wonder what further wonders and blessings it shall bring.
01-04-YC121
Constanin is celebrating with his comrades from LUMEN. I am far too tired too join them, so I shall wait for him to return, although it was quite the task to persuade him to go. They are celebrating a task well done on Anath, and quite rightly so. I caught the very end of the ceremony, just as Constantin, who looked to proud and handsome, was giving an acceptance speech for a reward he has more than earned for the kindness he has shown and his devotion to duty. Apparently, I missed some drama when Aldrith gave his own, somewhat controversial speech. I worry for Aldrith, he seems much changed from when I knew him so long ago. I think the sheer number of trials we must endure wear on him terribly.
Ishta also received an award, though for what I am not sure, and she sustained some form of injury. Of more serious concern to me, however, is the fact that she appears to be "dating" a Naval Intelligence Officer, and I have very strong suspicions that Officer is Alexandr. Scandalous! I shall have to speak with Alexandr as soon as I seem him next, and do my very best to dissuade him from a foolish fancy that whilst no doubt passing, could very well damage our family's reputation. With Constantin's family being of such high standing, I cannot possibly allow that.
Constantin says he has a surprise for me, but I have no idea what it may be. I am awfully curious about it. No doubt all shall be revealed in the morning, and the sooner I sleep, the sooner I will find out. I must write a very quick but important letter to Admiral Newelle, however. I need her permission to be able to do what Liana has asked of me. I pray that she will consider it positively and grant my request. The possibilities that may follow could be advantageous indeed for a number of people.
Constanin is celebrating with his comrades from LUMEN. I am far too tired too join them, so I shall wait for him to return, although it was quite the task to persuade him to go. They are celebrating a task well done on Anath, and quite rightly so. I caught the very end of the ceremony, just as Constantin, who looked to proud and handsome, was giving an acceptance speech for a reward he has more than earned for the kindness he has shown and his devotion to duty. Apparently, I missed some drama when Aldrith gave his own, somewhat controversial speech. I worry for Aldrith, he seems much changed from when I knew him so long ago. I think the sheer number of trials we must endure wear on him terribly.
Ishta also received an award, though for what I am not sure, and she sustained some form of injury. Of more serious concern to me, however, is the fact that she appears to be "dating" a Naval Intelligence Officer, and I have very strong suspicions that Officer is Alexandr. Scandalous! I shall have to speak with Alexandr as soon as I seem him next, and do my very best to dissuade him from a foolish fancy that whilst no doubt passing, could very well damage our family's reputation. With Constantin's family being of such high standing, I cannot possibly allow that.
Constantin says he has a surprise for me, but I have no idea what it may be. I am awfully curious about it. No doubt all shall be revealed in the morning, and the sooner I sleep, the sooner I will find out. I must write a very quick but important letter to Admiral Newelle, however. I need her permission to be able to do what Liana has asked of me. I pray that she will consider it positively and grant my request. The possibilities that may follow could be advantageous indeed for a number of people.
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