09-02-YC121

Wheresoever I may go, he is there, as though her were some haunting embodiment of my ever-present Shadow; and yet, at least this time, I should be grateful for his presence.

After some thought I decided some exercise before leaving for the warzone would probably be the wisest course of action.

I overrode the safety protocols on the drone.  I am pushing myself, perhaps too much, perhaps not.  After Aldrith, after not hearing from anyone, I have been feeling distant, detached again.  At least when the drones catch me, I feel some connection to the world, feel some sensation.  As long as I am fast enough, the cuts are never so deep.

I was too tired, too distracted,too slow.  It caught me, across the cheek.  It is still sore now.  It may scar, I am not sure.  Just another Souvenir.  Another among many.

That is when he got involved. I am still not sure what he threw at it exactly, but whatever it was, he aimed well.  I did not see because I was too busy being weak.  I do not remember what I spoke about, only that it was in my mother-tongue, so I doubt he understand anything.  He just held me, calmed me, comforted me.  Caring and compassionate.  I think I said things I should have said.  Things a lover would say.  It was not who I thought it was.

He was angry, I think mostly because he cannot understand.  No-one does; and I cannot explain.  It cannot be put into words, this feeling, this need to do these things.  Perhaps he was angry because he does care, somewhere deep down, but I think more likely because he does not know why.  I fled, like a weak coward, but I could not let him see anymore.  I hope he does not tell anyone.  If they know in PIE how pathetic I am, I think I

I cannot even write it.  How weak.