03-02-YC121

I should stay in the warzone.  It is safer and far less complicated.

Captain Elkin's Victory Dinner was, for the most part, as excellent as I had expected it to be.  The music, supplied by Commander Kley on the piano no less (a most accomplished pianist she is), was absolutely exquisite.  The finest food and drink were available, and the company, again for the most part, was absolutely without parallel.  The hostess, of course, looked utterly divine - Captain Elkin is the height of sophistication.  She has every right to be proud.  I have even heard it mentioned by Mother and her society circles today.

I hope, however, that some things shall become more common knowledge.

I arrived a little later than I intended - the burdens of duty - and dear Amadin was already there.  I found him just finishing a dance with Directrix Aspenstar (who also looked a picture of beauty).  I admit that I may have felt a little jealous, weak that I am, but that was quikcly dispelled when he came hurrying over as soon as he saw me. It was a joy to see him, of course, but that joy was too short lived.  His own duties had to take him away almost immediately.  I wonder if I shall ever get to dance at one of these soirees.

I spent some time in the gardens, again a most wonderous delight.  Perhaps is was the disappointment, or something else, but I should not have gone there alone.  It took all my will to quieten that inner Shadow that would have delighted in plaguing me with dark thoughts.  Yet beat it back I did.  Just.  It was some relief to meet the Directrix there, our conversation giving welcome distraction.  We spoke of Amadin, mostly.   It appears she has wanted to recuit him to SFRIM.  I agree that perhaps he may be better suited to be under the Directrix's wise guidance, and even if he does join SFRIM, that does not mean I would not see him.  It may give opportunity to strengthen ties between SFRIM and PIE.

There was some sort of altercation in the evening.  An intruder.  Not a dangerous one - I understand it was a capsuleer named Arrendis, a recent enemy in Thebeka - but how she got past security I do not know.  They dealt with it, of course.  Unfortunately, this incident appeared to have a rather negative impact on Aldrith, and the Directrix and I caught him sitting alone, in the garden, having had a little too much to drink - Aldrith never was a drinker.

That is when things began to get a little unexpected.

Oh, Aldrith, you could not have even piloted a child's drone across the gardens in your state!  Fortunately, almost everyone had left by this point - I briefly saw Commander Adams, an unwelcome surprise guest, I must say, but he did not see me.  He was with a rather pretty innocent young lady, but he seemed to be largely ignoring her.  Count yourself blessed if that is case with that wolf, my dear.  I knew I could not leave Aldrith to find his own way home, and it is my duty to ensure the safety of my superior officers.  So, after saying goodbye to Directrix Aspenstar, I helped Aldrith to the shuttles.  I note that Admiral Newelle had left long before this.  Still, that is her business, not mine.

I am not sure what it was exactly - a sixth sense, my scout training, God watching over me (or Her, more likely) - but I checked Local traffic before we got in that shuttle.  It is most fortunate I did, for the Blooder, Anyanka Funk - or whatever her name is - was in system.  I have been informed that this vile heretic has declared openly that she is hunting me personally.  Going anywhere off-planet with Aldrith would have placed him at an unacceptable level of risk.  So I did what any good scout out on their own would do, should do.  I used my initiative and took a decision on the best course of action.

I cannot believe I booked myself and Aldrith into a hotel!

A respectable, reputable one, of course; and one where a little compensation for such service at short notice should ensure that no untoward rumours surface.  We would not want a scandal.  Separate rooms goes without saying.

I did not use my room.  Aldrith had already been ill earlier, and I was so worried about him vomiting in his sleep, I stayed in with him, sleeping a little on the chaise longue.  I also sent Admiral Newelle a message, letting her know Aldrith was safe and in my care.  God forbid that any scurrilous rumours should reach her ears.  Yet, I did not tell her the whole truth.  Not the truth of my feelings.  Not the truth of how I wished that night had gone.  Not the real truth.

That had I but had the opportunity, I would have slept with her husband.

Oh, Aldrith.   Watching you there, taking care of you, I could not keep the truth from myself.  I never have.  I love and adore you.  I have loved you for so long, since the days we first met.  I never had the courage, but I would have told you last night.  I would have told you how I wanted you.  I did want him.  Damn the consequences, but I did want him.  Wanted to feel his weight on top of me, feel him moving with me. Just feel him.

He awoke earlier than I expected him to.  I fixed him breakfast and a family hangover cure (thank you for teaching that recipe to me, Grandpapa, I think this may be your finest hour!).  He left for home soon after, and I made my own way a little while later.  I have no idea what possessed me to contact headquarters and ask Commander Kley if Admiral Newelle had reported in.  Now the Commander I am sure is suspicious that something happened, though she is not certain it was even Aldrith.  I do not know what the Admiral thinks.  She sent a reply thanking me for looking after her husband - the Lord Consort as she phrased it - and, so far, I am still in PIE.  The whole episode has just left me confused and torn.  I would have thrown it all away for just one night with him.  I hope Admiral Newelle knows just how lucky she is to have him.

I shall leave for the warzone tomorrow.  Perhaps some distance will help.