You're where the Wild Things are...

An in-character blog set in the universe of EVE Online. These are the private diary entries of Lady Ekaterina Mariya deSilvestris, a minor Amarrian Noble and Capsuleer. Other existing characters within EVE will be referred to throughout, though any opinions and views expressed are those of this character. These entries may touch on or directly address mature themes such as violence, sexuality, race and ethnicity, and mental health. As noted, any views are those of the character.

Before we begin, I feel it important to say a few words on the subject of mental health. Ekaterina, or Ekat as many call her, is something of a troubled soul. This aspect of her character is a personal choice I have made, for very personal reasons. Although EVE is a game in which the players can immerse themselves to a greater or lesser degree as they wish, mental health is a very real issue for many people. Those two simple words cover a myriad different issues and concerns that affect people directly or indirectly every day all, over the world.

If you find yourself affected by any issues touched upon in these posts, or if you face your own troubles, please know that there are people out there you can turn to; doctors, friends, family - there is ALWAYS someone. If you are an EVE player, then Broadcast 4 Reps chat is available, staffed by wonderfully kind and good-hearted volunteers. If you know of someone who has mental health issues, then please just let them know you are there. It doesn't have to be anything big, just a smile, a cup of tea, a quick phone call about last night's game - just a little thing to show they aren't forgotten.

You Never Fly Alone.
20-07-YC121

Thank Goodness for dear Lilya!  She is an absolutely blessing, and it hard not to feel a very deep affection for her.  I do worry about her continued feelings for Monakh, but I think she is coming around to seeing that relationship for what it is - nothing but heartache and trouble; and of all the people in New Eden, Lilya is the least deserving of heartache.  I shall strive to do my absolute best to keep her, and her Holding, as safe as possible.

Which is exactly why I have had the difficult task of finding a volunteer for this mission to investigate that cult's links.  I knew Maleto would volunteer immediately, though I wish she had not.  The foolish girl thinks she has something to prove, and perhaps she does, but I have no desire to see her come back in a body-bag!  Firstly, as much as I disapprove of their relationship, I would not wish that pain on Sasha.  Oh, my silly little brother!  Why, oh why, could he not have found someone else?  My thoughts over this trouble me so much.  I shall seek the advice and wisdom of Father Mikhail, as ever I do when my thoughts become clouded and dark.

I also have no desire to inform Lord Pitoojee that his property has been destroyed.  Property!  How I hate that word when it is used to reference humans.  Not that she would ever believe, given how much she despises me, but I wish Ishta were not a slave.  Perhaps she will not be for very long, everyone seems to be singing her praises, and assuming she survives this mission, she will have another point in her favour.

I do not want Sirna to go through the pain of losing her sister when so much has happened to her family already.  Oh, Sirna, forgive me!

I wanted to simply stand her down, and told her she was exempt from volunteering because of her status.  A complete lie, of course, but she believed me and in response threatened to simply walk away.  I am sure she thinks her little comment about me having to tell Papa why she resigned was what changed my mind, but she is quite incorrect.  I would have no problem explaining the situation to Papa, and I am sure he would agree.  No, rather it was the idea that she can do such a thing so easily when no-one else in the 601st can.  It angered me.  How dare she treat this illustrious Unit in such a flippant, casual way.  Very well, if she wants to share in the dangers, so she shall!

Yet, I am not comfortable with it.  I do not know why I am so concerned over her.  Were anyone else undertaking this, I would have complete confidence in their safe return, and I cannot doubt Ishta's abilities.  Have I not witnessed them first-hand?  Perhaps I am being overly superstitious, but Babina found a cracked mirror in Ishta's room at our Estate whilst cleaning it, and Okhrana has been pacing and howling.  I should not believe in so-called omens, but I do. We all do.  I shall ask Father Mikhail to pray for her safe return, and bless her before she goes.

To think Sasha and I had such an argument over this.  It took so much to get him to see my point of view, to reluctantly agree, and now she has managed to undo it all.  They think I hate her, that I would rather she disappeared and never came back.  They are right of course, and Ishta guessed why, partially, even if Sasha did not.

Everytime I look at her I see Sirna, and I am reminded of how badly I failed her.  She makes me feel weak - because I am.


Posted by

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)