29-09-YC121
I do not normally prepare Esfand so strongly, but I most certainly needed it after returning from yet another of LUMEN's balls. I should really avoid those particular gatherings, they seem to bring nothing but upset and troubles. Indeed, I only attended because Lilya wanted me to be there, though I suspect that now we have had our first arguement, she may be regretting having her wishes granted.
Oh, Lilya, how can you be such a foolish girl? To take a medication found in a wreck! It may well have alleviated her anxiety about the ball, but she does not seem to realise it could have killed her. Criminals transport all sorts of poisons, and what heartache it would have caused if it had proven to be her end! I wish we had not argued, but when she told me what she had done I was overcome with anger at her unthinking naïveté, and panic at what could have been. Yet it has made me think - have I once again fallen too quickly? Am I really ready for this relationship, for any relationship? I feel so strongly for her, and yet seeing Constantin made me realise that I still harbour feelings for him too.
One of those feelings, however, I most assuredly anger, and perhaps something stronger. To see him dancing with his Matari whore the way the danced with me! It was all I could do to not cause a scene. I most certainly did not require Paladin Kley watching over me like some sort of hawkish schoolmistress. How dare she speak to me like a child! They all think I am an idiot, some simpleton backwater girl. I see far more than they realise. I saw clearly enough that Melisma had some sort of altercation with Sah, and even threw a drink in her face. That she would do such a thing to a pregnant woman simply shows her utter lack of breeding, or what passes for breeding amongst the Tribals. I wonder if Constantin will cast her aside for her actions, as he did for mine - which were far less aggressive, I might add. Certainly when she left hurriedly, covered in shame and with her tail tucked between her legs, the good Archbishop quickly turned his attentions to another. A most interesting choice of attentions too, I might add - a member of the enemy militia! His womanising is worse even than Commander Adams - who was there, incidentially, sniffing around the vulnerable young women as he usually does. I also wonder if Directrix Aspenstar will issue more ridiculous sanctions against him as she did when I protect my own Honour - not that the Matari has any, and not that Constantin has the spine to do it himself.
Perhaps the Barraca family's loyalties are more open to question than Constantin would have us all believe? At least I may be able to find some common ground with Sah, as she surely will not let that insult from a so-called diplomat slip away without proper redress. One should hope that LUMEN is not entirely riddled with enemy sympathisers. We shall soon find out no doubt.
I apparently was not the only one to have had a disagreeable evening. Before our falling out, Lilya informed me that Aldrith had assaulted Diana Kim. She was not aware of the reasoning, but I am quite confident that Aldrith would not have done such a thing without proper cause and provocation. A pity, I rather liked Diana, at least for her unswerving dedication to the State. Alas, the enemy of my enemy is not necessarily my friend. Aldrith left soon after, unfortunately, just before I arrived, though Lady Newelle was still present, and even spoke to me. She quite clearly noticed Lilya's displays of affection toward me, though she made no comment. Not that Lady Newelle would, of course; she is far too well-bred to act in the same manner as all the Commoners.
Our own celebration for the Empress' Jubilee starts very soon, though in all truthfulness I have no real desire to go. It will not be so open to all as LUMEN's social efforts are, of course, but Lilya will be there, because I asked her to go, and I am not sure after our parting that I am of a mind or heart to see her so soon. Yet my presence is no doubt expected, and questions may be asked if I do not attend. I have no desire to have Lady Newelle's chaindog Arline breathing down my neck and prying into my private affairs. I suppose I had better present myself accordingly. Perhaps I shall be fortunate enough to find excuse to leave early.
One or two drinks for fortification prior to leaving here would no doubt help.
14-09-YC121
Another stupid loss. More proof of my own useless arrogance. I thought a simple data site would be an easy task for me, but it seems I cannot even do the very tasks I trained at the Academy to do. Admittedly, I have not seen Sansha cruisers at a site before, especally four of them, but I should have fled as soon as they appeared on my tactical display, not pushed my non-existent luck trying to retrieve a few items, giving them time to lock and warp scramble me. To lose Tesipyle, my Anathema, to such an idiotic, amateur mistake! How can I ever be any sort of assest to PIE, or even to the Empire, when I cannot even think clearly enough to perform such a basic duty? They shall be ashamed of me when I report it, as I must do. Why anyone would want me present in fleet operations, I do not know. Why anyone would want me at all, I do not know.
I will have a glass of Esfand to calm my nerves. A shame it cannot erase memories.
Another stupid loss. More proof of my own useless arrogance. I thought a simple data site would be an easy task for me, but it seems I cannot even do the very tasks I trained at the Academy to do. Admittedly, I have not seen Sansha cruisers at a site before, especally four of them, but I should have fled as soon as they appeared on my tactical display, not pushed my non-existent luck trying to retrieve a few items, giving them time to lock and warp scramble me. To lose Tesipyle, my Anathema, to such an idiotic, amateur mistake! How can I ever be any sort of assest to PIE, or even to the Empire, when I cannot even think clearly enough to perform such a basic duty? They shall be ashamed of me when I report it, as I must do. Why anyone would want me present in fleet operations, I do not know. Why anyone would want me at all, I do not know.
I will have a glass of Esfand to calm my nerves. A shame it cannot erase memories.
01-09-YC121
Between the Triglavians invading Nakri, my various duties, and the delightful distractions of Lilya, I have neglected this journal. Not, of course, that anyone but myself shall ever read these words, but the writing helps my focus.
I have also neglected Ioannis. I feel quite guilty for the unspoken message I gave him, a message that I cannot say was unintentional at the time. Yet I was not expecting for Lilya and I to become lovers. Perhaps Ioannis was genuine, but I have learned of his reputation, and I have no desire to be used by another selfish man, of being humiliated as the Archbishop did.
Ioannis sent the most beautiful gift - The Explorations of Soromia Vetragat" - and the most touching letter. It seems that unlike some others, Ioannis actually made some effort to understand me in our brief time working together. He also seems to have accepted that there can be nothing between us, although he cannot have known of Lilya and I when he wrote it, so he must have realised the vast gulf between our personal circumstances. Regardless, I do hope we will have the opportunity to work together again in the near future. There is still much work to be done on the site in Sarum Prime.
I am, however, a little more torn over his gift of the necklace. His ingenious, and delightful, game of recreating an actual book that was in fact a puzzle again showed he made pains to find out the sorts of things that please and amuse m, but upon opening it and seeing that beautiful sapphire necklace! He writes in his letter that it is a gift of apology for his behaviour, though he really not feel sorry for was it not I that kissed him? Yet, such an exquisite piece seems awfully valuable for a simple apology, and besides, the last time I was gifted a necklace was well, never mind, that is not important. I do wonder if I should return, though if I do so I shall not simply leave it without a word as I did with Constantin's bauble. I will speak to Ioannis and explain. I am sure he will understand.
I should prepare for my surgery. Lilya medical staff have finished growing my new eyeball and I will have it transplanted today. Lilya has been on fleet operations with LUMEN, but I hope she will be there when I come out from the anaesthetic. I took part in PIE operations last night, with Admiral Xideinis and Captain Shutaq (I really must get used to using their new titles), and two of our Crusade allies, and afterward Aldrith and I went to the Coffee House in Tanoo. I really rather think Aldrith took me there as a sort of sardonic joke, given it is owned by the Archbishop's family. That, and Aldrith is quite well aware I do not particularly like coffee. Still, it was pleasant to sit and talk with him, and it felt much like the days when we first met. I miss those days. Darker times are coming, and there is much that will bring us difficulty and sorrow. I am convinced that there are enemies close to home that others are not aware of, enemies that appear as friends and fool those who should stand as our allies. We shall need less conventional methods of warfare, I should think. Indeed, it may be necessary for us to make use of those who currently appear as enemies but should really be our friends - or at least willing, if ignorant, tools.
Such things seem so easy to write of, of course, so routine and mudane, despite their importance. Other things seem much harder. Death is a constant for warriors, of course, and more so for capsuleers, and yet, because of our immortal nature, it often seems meaningless, barely worth a mention. That is why, when a True Death occurs, it seems to unreal, as though such a thing cannot be. When one becomes a capsuleer, and experiences one's First Death, it loses its sting, its terrifying finality. Familiarity breeds contempt. Yet I think that such familiarity also means we cease understanding it, though that sounds somewhat counter-intuitive. We lose our concept of Death.
Doctor Druur Monakh is no longer among us. I do not know many details, but I understand that there was a cloning failure. It is rare, but it does happen, and it is a risk all capsuleers take, though one we barely think of at all. I am saddened, of course, and Lilya, understandably, is very, very upset. I thought nothing of the altercation I had with her, and now I regret that it was our last interaction. We had our differences, and I do not think anything would have resolved them, but it should not have been left the way it was. That is my fault, for I know she wished to talk with me, perhaps to make some form of peace between us, and now we never shall. I have asked Father Mikhail to light a candle in our chapel in her memory, and I pray that her soul finds rest. Lilya has been given the care of her children left behind - though one is now older than Lilya herself. I have promised to give all the assistance I can. Perhaps that way I can do something to make amends for the wrong I committed.
Between the Triglavians invading Nakri, my various duties, and the delightful distractions of Lilya, I have neglected this journal. Not, of course, that anyone but myself shall ever read these words, but the writing helps my focus.
I have also neglected Ioannis. I feel quite guilty for the unspoken message I gave him, a message that I cannot say was unintentional at the time. Yet I was not expecting for Lilya and I to become lovers. Perhaps Ioannis was genuine, but I have learned of his reputation, and I have no desire to be used by another selfish man, of being humiliated as the Archbishop did.
Ioannis sent the most beautiful gift - The Explorations of Soromia Vetragat" - and the most touching letter. It seems that unlike some others, Ioannis actually made some effort to understand me in our brief time working together. He also seems to have accepted that there can be nothing between us, although he cannot have known of Lilya and I when he wrote it, so he must have realised the vast gulf between our personal circumstances. Regardless, I do hope we will have the opportunity to work together again in the near future. There is still much work to be done on the site in Sarum Prime.
I am, however, a little more torn over his gift of the necklace. His ingenious, and delightful, game of recreating an actual book that was in fact a puzzle again showed he made pains to find out the sorts of things that please and amuse m, but upon opening it and seeing that beautiful sapphire necklace! He writes in his letter that it is a gift of apology for his behaviour, though he really not feel sorry for was it not I that kissed him? Yet, such an exquisite piece seems awfully valuable for a simple apology, and besides, the last time I was gifted a necklace was well, never mind, that is not important. I do wonder if I should return, though if I do so I shall not simply leave it without a word as I did with Constantin's bauble. I will speak to Ioannis and explain. I am sure he will understand.
I should prepare for my surgery. Lilya medical staff have finished growing my new eyeball and I will have it transplanted today. Lilya has been on fleet operations with LUMEN, but I hope she will be there when I come out from the anaesthetic. I took part in PIE operations last night, with Admiral Xideinis and Captain Shutaq (I really must get used to using their new titles), and two of our Crusade allies, and afterward Aldrith and I went to the Coffee House in Tanoo. I really rather think Aldrith took me there as a sort of sardonic joke, given it is owned by the Archbishop's family. That, and Aldrith is quite well aware I do not particularly like coffee. Still, it was pleasant to sit and talk with him, and it felt much like the days when we first met. I miss those days. Darker times are coming, and there is much that will bring us difficulty and sorrow. I am convinced that there are enemies close to home that others are not aware of, enemies that appear as friends and fool those who should stand as our allies. We shall need less conventional methods of warfare, I should think. Indeed, it may be necessary for us to make use of those who currently appear as enemies but should really be our friends - or at least willing, if ignorant, tools.
Such things seem so easy to write of, of course, so routine and mudane, despite their importance. Other things seem much harder. Death is a constant for warriors, of course, and more so for capsuleers, and yet, because of our immortal nature, it often seems meaningless, barely worth a mention. That is why, when a True Death occurs, it seems to unreal, as though such a thing cannot be. When one becomes a capsuleer, and experiences one's First Death, it loses its sting, its terrifying finality. Familiarity breeds contempt. Yet I think that such familiarity also means we cease understanding it, though that sounds somewhat counter-intuitive. We lose our concept of Death.
Doctor Druur Monakh is no longer among us. I do not know many details, but I understand that there was a cloning failure. It is rare, but it does happen, and it is a risk all capsuleers take, though one we barely think of at all. I am saddened, of course, and Lilya, understandably, is very, very upset. I thought nothing of the altercation I had with her, and now I regret that it was our last interaction. We had our differences, and I do not think anything would have resolved them, but it should not have been left the way it was. That is my fault, for I know she wished to talk with me, perhaps to make some form of peace between us, and now we never shall. I have asked Father Mikhail to light a candle in our chapel in her memory, and I pray that her soul finds rest. Lilya has been given the care of her children left behind - though one is now older than Lilya herself. I have promised to give all the assistance I can. Perhaps that way I can do something to make amends for the wrong I committed.
16-08-YC121
I must confess, I was not expecting this turn of events when I answered Lilya's summons. I had thought that there had been some development in the investigation, or that she had some news, perhaps of Constantin or someone else. I of course had not forgotten her words to me before I left for Sarum Prime, about her feelings towards me, how could I? Yet perhaps I thought Lilya herself would have put them from her mind.
Quite the opposite. She had been thinking of them a lot, it seems, and had even thought I was angry or displeased with her, though nothing could be further from the truth. I had always thought of Lilya as so quite, so reserved and shy. I never thought she would be so determined to get what she wants, to obtain that which she has set her heart on.
What she wants, it transpires, really is me! She was not unsuccessful.
Perhaps it shall complicate matters, but in all honesty, at this moment I do not care. She is warm, kind, loyal, devoted - all the things I myself have ever wanted, and all that she wants is to be loved and cherised, as she deserves. Tonight she made me feel both calm and excited at the same time, and wrapped in her arms after making love, I felt as though nothing else in New Eden mattered. Nothing! I know she speaks truthfully when she tells me she loves me, and there is something about her that makes it impossible for me not to trust her completely. Why should I not? She has never shown any hint of ulterior motives, of a hidden agenda, or of being anything other than that which she appears to be. I cannot but believe without any hesitation that she will fight for the things she loves and cares for. Unlike others I have given my heart to, Lilya will stand firm by her words. She will not throw my heart away. She, I know, will never give up at the slightest difficulty. Many underestimate her, it is true, but I have seen the strength within her. Beauty and strength. It is an intoxicating combination!
Did I not say to her that I would kill to protect her? Have I not thought to myself, prayed to God, to Her, for Lilya to remain pure and uncorrupted. Perhaps, then, God, and My Eternal Empress, have made this happen so that I can protect her properly, as only a lover could. I only hope that my own Darkness does not harm her. I shall do everything I can to keep safe from even that. I shall pray for the strength to do so.
Of course, once our relationship becomes public knowledge - and there is no reason to keep it hidden, for there is no shame in this - I do wonder what shall be said. I must confess I look forward to Aldrith's reaction, for at least I can answer, in all honesty, that I have done the best I can to bring relations between a family of Sarum and a family of Tash-Murkon closer together.
Poor Ioannis, I feel he may be a little disappointed. Though, from what Lilya tells me of his reputation, I cannot imagine he will wallow in any sort of sorrow for long. Perhaps he was genuine, and the tales of all his different women are exaggerated. I hope it shall not affect our working relationship.
I see there are reports of a Triglavian Invasion in Nakri! As reluctant as I am to tear myself away from Lilya's bed, I must defend my home, my family. Oh, but she is so very beautiful!
I must confess, I was not expecting this turn of events when I answered Lilya's summons. I had thought that there had been some development in the investigation, or that she had some news, perhaps of Constantin or someone else. I of course had not forgotten her words to me before I left for Sarum Prime, about her feelings towards me, how could I? Yet perhaps I thought Lilya herself would have put them from her mind.
Quite the opposite. She had been thinking of them a lot, it seems, and had even thought I was angry or displeased with her, though nothing could be further from the truth. I had always thought of Lilya as so quite, so reserved and shy. I never thought she would be so determined to get what she wants, to obtain that which she has set her heart on.
What she wants, it transpires, really is me! She was not unsuccessful.
Perhaps it shall complicate matters, but in all honesty, at this moment I do not care. She is warm, kind, loyal, devoted - all the things I myself have ever wanted, and all that she wants is to be loved and cherised, as she deserves. Tonight she made me feel both calm and excited at the same time, and wrapped in her arms after making love, I felt as though nothing else in New Eden mattered. Nothing! I know she speaks truthfully when she tells me she loves me, and there is something about her that makes it impossible for me not to trust her completely. Why should I not? She has never shown any hint of ulterior motives, of a hidden agenda, or of being anything other than that which she appears to be. I cannot but believe without any hesitation that she will fight for the things she loves and cares for. Unlike others I have given my heart to, Lilya will stand firm by her words. She will not throw my heart away. She, I know, will never give up at the slightest difficulty. Many underestimate her, it is true, but I have seen the strength within her. Beauty and strength. It is an intoxicating combination!
Did I not say to her that I would kill to protect her? Have I not thought to myself, prayed to God, to Her, for Lilya to remain pure and uncorrupted. Perhaps, then, God, and My Eternal Empress, have made this happen so that I can protect her properly, as only a lover could. I only hope that my own Darkness does not harm her. I shall do everything I can to keep safe from even that. I shall pray for the strength to do so.
Of course, once our relationship becomes public knowledge - and there is no reason to keep it hidden, for there is no shame in this - I do wonder what shall be said. I must confess I look forward to Aldrith's reaction, for at least I can answer, in all honesty, that I have done the best I can to bring relations between a family of Sarum and a family of Tash-Murkon closer together.
Poor Ioannis, I feel he may be a little disappointed. Though, from what Lilya tells me of his reputation, I cannot imagine he will wallow in any sort of sorrow for long. Perhaps he was genuine, and the tales of all his different women are exaggerated. I hope it shall not affect our working relationship.
I see there are reports of a Triglavian Invasion in Nakri! As reluctant as I am to tear myself away from Lilya's bed, I must defend my home, my family. Oh, but she is so very beautiful!
14-08-YC121
Oh, Katya! Whatever are you thinking?
Whatever effect Ioannis is having on me, intentional or no, it seems to be overcoming my better judgement. I am relieved that Lilya has asked, or rather ordered, me to return. Some distance from that man is probably very wise.
I could have fallen into bed with him tonight; indeed, I almost did! Had it not been for the mood being somehow broken, I am sure I would not be waking up in my tent tomorrow morning. Stupid foolish girl that I am - imagine the scandal!
I still cannot quite fathom him. He appears genuine and honest - certainly he has spoken openly, even after we kissed, about his understanding for my feelings toward Constantin. I think many would not be so accepting, nor so patient. He has also been quite candid about his dislike of certain institutions of our Empire, which fits exactly with his statements on the IGS. Admittedly, he did qualify his statements by claiming he would never take active measures against any of the Big Four, regardless of aspects of their cultures he may find distasteful, including his own.
I also questioned him outright on his reasons for inviting me to accompany him. Apparently, when planning the project with representatives of Hedion University and the Sarum Family, it was made quite clear by Sarum that they wanted someone on the project with proven connections and loyalties to the Family. I must admit that Ioannis is probably quite correct that individuals with those qualities and experience in archaeology are probably not particularly numerous. Apparently it was Professor Gruhmanian, who is with us on this site, who put forward my name. That, of course, is most flattering - I would not have thought the good Professor would have remembered me, one student out of who knows how many he has taught, especially as it was only for a course of guest lectures for one semester at the Academy.
So, I have my explanation as to why I am here. Perhaps I am being overly suspicious, and Ioannis has no ulterior motives for my presence. There is, I think, some genuine feeling there for me, but I cannot think of that now. It is far too soon, and even if that were not the case, Lilya has summoned me back to my duties, and I must obey. Ioannis has his own matters to attend to as well, and shall be leaving early tomorrow afternoon, long after I have already left.
Oh, Lilya, your words to me are not forgotten! I wonder how things shall be between us. She seemed most earnest when she said it, but...oh, this is all so very confusing that is it any wonder I am getting so many headaches, and restless nights without sleep? Lilya says that she loves me, but she remains, I think, with Doctor Monakh; the man I love, Constantin, no longer loves me, but instead is with the woman who was once with the man who now professes such admiration of me! A man about whom I have mixed feelings, yet cannot deny a certain attraction to.
A certain attraction! Really, Katya, be honest with yourself, if no-one else.
Tonight, Ekaterina Mariya deSilvestris, you attempted to seduce Ioannis Sepphiros, not the other way around!
Oh, Katya! Whatever are you thinking?
Whatever effect Ioannis is having on me, intentional or no, it seems to be overcoming my better judgement. I am relieved that Lilya has asked, or rather ordered, me to return. Some distance from that man is probably very wise.
I could have fallen into bed with him tonight; indeed, I almost did! Had it not been for the mood being somehow broken, I am sure I would not be waking up in my tent tomorrow morning. Stupid foolish girl that I am - imagine the scandal!
I still cannot quite fathom him. He appears genuine and honest - certainly he has spoken openly, even after we kissed, about his understanding for my feelings toward Constantin. I think many would not be so accepting, nor so patient. He has also been quite candid about his dislike of certain institutions of our Empire, which fits exactly with his statements on the IGS. Admittedly, he did qualify his statements by claiming he would never take active measures against any of the Big Four, regardless of aspects of their cultures he may find distasteful, including his own.
I also questioned him outright on his reasons for inviting me to accompany him. Apparently, when planning the project with representatives of Hedion University and the Sarum Family, it was made quite clear by Sarum that they wanted someone on the project with proven connections and loyalties to the Family. I must admit that Ioannis is probably quite correct that individuals with those qualities and experience in archaeology are probably not particularly numerous. Apparently it was Professor Gruhmanian, who is with us on this site, who put forward my name. That, of course, is most flattering - I would not have thought the good Professor would have remembered me, one student out of who knows how many he has taught, especially as it was only for a course of guest lectures for one semester at the Academy.
So, I have my explanation as to why I am here. Perhaps I am being overly suspicious, and Ioannis has no ulterior motives for my presence. There is, I think, some genuine feeling there for me, but I cannot think of that now. It is far too soon, and even if that were not the case, Lilya has summoned me back to my duties, and I must obey. Ioannis has his own matters to attend to as well, and shall be leaving early tomorrow afternoon, long after I have already left.
Oh, Lilya, your words to me are not forgotten! I wonder how things shall be between us. She seemed most earnest when she said it, but...oh, this is all so very confusing that is it any wonder I am getting so many headaches, and restless nights without sleep? Lilya says that she loves me, but she remains, I think, with Doctor Monakh; the man I love, Constantin, no longer loves me, but instead is with the woman who was once with the man who now professes such admiration of me! A man about whom I have mixed feelings, yet cannot deny a certain attraction to.
A certain attraction! Really, Katya, be honest with yourself, if no-one else.
Tonight, Ekaterina Mariya deSilvestris, you attempted to seduce Ioannis Sepphiros, not the other way around!
12-08-YC121
The dig site is most impressive, and is full of promise. Almost as impressive and full of promise as Ioannis. I have never really had much dealing with Gallente, or at least few that did not involve exchanging shots, but it seems that Ioannis most certainly lives up to their reputation of being unafraid to express their feelings! He is an interesting mix of contradictions - shy, modest, and yet quite happy to tell me that he has an irresistible desire for me, and wants to love me!
Perhaps kissing him was the wrong thing to do, I do not know. My head feels so confused. He is a very alluring man, but I still hurt from Constantin. By strange coincidence Ioannis was a lover of Melisma, and he all but confirmed that which in my heart I knew - that Melisma was the one who seduced Constantin away from me. I think I shall not sleep well tonight, at least not without some help. Already I can feel the anger and pain rising inside me.
The contradictions with Ioannis do not cease there. His words are not those one would expect to hear at what is but only a second meeting, but perhaps the people of his culture are not as reserved as we Amarr. Perhaps!?! Of course they are not! I have heard the stories of how passionate they are with their emotions, how quickly and deeply they will throw themselves into their feelings. Yet, am I that much different? However, what sort of scout would I be if I did not prepare myself with as much knowledge as possible? Ioannis is a name that appears again and again on the IGS, and rarely, it seems, in a favourable light. I can see no definitive proof that he has stood directly against the Empire, though he has certainly expressed his opposition to our institutions, and has had more than a few affiliations with our enemies, such as those Tribal bandits Electus Matari.
What then, is his purpose here, in Sarum Prime? He speaks of seeking to uncover knowledge, and help preserve heritage and history, the stated aim of his enterprise, Sapphire Interstellar Capital Holdings and Humanism, and the documents he showed me stating he has permission from the Sarum Family all seem to be in order; but is there something more? He did mention Lord Vestokhri, who may even bring slaves to aid in the work. That may prove to be quite revealing.
Why, I wonder, did he invite me to assist him, and how did he hear of me exactly? My archaeological experience has never much be focused on such ancient sites as this, nor is my work at all famous or well known. I shall have to see if I can coax an answer from him over dinner tonight. He seems more than happy to speak openly with me, but whether that is from a genuine feeling of attraction, or an attempt to merely flatter me, I am not yet sure.
I can feel a headache coming upon me. I should try to sleep. The Esfand shall help ensure I have more pleasant dreams than usual, especially knowing the painful, hurtful truth about Constantin and Melisma. My head is so full of different thoughts and emotions, and now there is a small, but not pleasant, feeling whenever I think, mostly unbidden, of Ioannis.
The dig site is most impressive, and is full of promise. Almost as impressive and full of promise as Ioannis. I have never really had much dealing with Gallente, or at least few that did not involve exchanging shots, but it seems that Ioannis most certainly lives up to their reputation of being unafraid to express their feelings! He is an interesting mix of contradictions - shy, modest, and yet quite happy to tell me that he has an irresistible desire for me, and wants to love me!
Perhaps kissing him was the wrong thing to do, I do not know. My head feels so confused. He is a very alluring man, but I still hurt from Constantin. By strange coincidence Ioannis was a lover of Melisma, and he all but confirmed that which in my heart I knew - that Melisma was the one who seduced Constantin away from me. I think I shall not sleep well tonight, at least not without some help. Already I can feel the anger and pain rising inside me.
The contradictions with Ioannis do not cease there. His words are not those one would expect to hear at what is but only a second meeting, but perhaps the people of his culture are not as reserved as we Amarr. Perhaps!?! Of course they are not! I have heard the stories of how passionate they are with their emotions, how quickly and deeply they will throw themselves into their feelings. Yet, am I that much different? However, what sort of scout would I be if I did not prepare myself with as much knowledge as possible? Ioannis is a name that appears again and again on the IGS, and rarely, it seems, in a favourable light. I can see no definitive proof that he has stood directly against the Empire, though he has certainly expressed his opposition to our institutions, and has had more than a few affiliations with our enemies, such as those Tribal bandits Electus Matari.
What then, is his purpose here, in Sarum Prime? He speaks of seeking to uncover knowledge, and help preserve heritage and history, the stated aim of his enterprise, Sapphire Interstellar Capital Holdings and Humanism, and the documents he showed me stating he has permission from the Sarum Family all seem to be in order; but is there something more? He did mention Lord Vestokhri, who may even bring slaves to aid in the work. That may prove to be quite revealing.
Why, I wonder, did he invite me to assist him, and how did he hear of me exactly? My archaeological experience has never much be focused on such ancient sites as this, nor is my work at all famous or well known. I shall have to see if I can coax an answer from him over dinner tonight. He seems more than happy to speak openly with me, but whether that is from a genuine feeling of attraction, or an attempt to merely flatter me, I am not yet sure.
I can feel a headache coming upon me. I should try to sleep. The Esfand shall help ensure I have more pleasant dreams than usual, especially knowing the painful, hurtful truth about Constantin and Melisma. My head is so full of different thoughts and emotions, and now there is a small, but not pleasant, feeling whenever I think, mostly unbidden, of Ioannis.
11-08-YC121
Ishta - she is either some form of protective spirit, or a punishment sent to deny me escape from my torments. Perhaps she is both. I suppose she acted how she thought best, finding me in such a benumbed state. Esfand certainly lived up to its promises, taking me away as it did. I recall very little of it, but I do remember feeling so blissfully blank.
I have had a letter from Mister Sepphiros. An actual letter! So beautifully hand-written, further proof, if such were needed, of what a refined gentleman he is. That he should take the time to reply in writing, a near-dead artform, is a most touching gesture. So forgiving and understanding of my delay as well. It is a shame that in the end the patrol was cancelled, but then perhaps it was a blessing in disguise, for if it had not been organised to begin with, I would not have this exquisitely elegant communication before me.
I hope I shall be able to join him later today, but if not he has given instructions on where to find him. I think it wise that I delay but one more day, if only to alleviate Mama's concerns over last night. It is difficult to wait, given how enthralling Mister Sepphiros' project sounds, but perhaps it is for the best. I am sure he would not mind. I also hope he has no objections to my taking Okhrana and Cheka, but I feel I have neglected my poor Hounds, and I should spend more time with them.
Besides, that may give some opportunity for a little bit of an entrance. I have a small suspicion that this Mister Ioannis Sepphiros has some appreciation of charming theatricality. It could very well be amusing, at the very least.
Ishta - she is either some form of protective spirit, or a punishment sent to deny me escape from my torments. Perhaps she is both. I suppose she acted how she thought best, finding me in such a benumbed state. Esfand certainly lived up to its promises, taking me away as it did. I recall very little of it, but I do remember feeling so blissfully blank.
I have had a letter from Mister Sepphiros. An actual letter! So beautifully hand-written, further proof, if such were needed, of what a refined gentleman he is. That he should take the time to reply in writing, a near-dead artform, is a most touching gesture. So forgiving and understanding of my delay as well. It is a shame that in the end the patrol was cancelled, but then perhaps it was a blessing in disguise, for if it had not been organised to begin with, I would not have this exquisitely elegant communication before me.
I hope I shall be able to join him later today, but if not he has given instructions on where to find him. I think it wise that I delay but one more day, if only to alleviate Mama's concerns over last night. It is difficult to wait, given how enthralling Mister Sepphiros' project sounds, but perhaps it is for the best. I am sure he would not mind. I also hope he has no objections to my taking Okhrana and Cheka, but I feel I have neglected my poor Hounds, and I should spend more time with them.
Besides, that may give some opportunity for a little bit of an entrance. I have a small suspicion that this Mister Ioannis Sepphiros has some appreciation of charming theatricality. It could very well be amusing, at the very least.
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