17-May-YC123

I went to Tanoo last night, to a Ni-Kunni cultural celebration hosted by Lunarisse and her Uncle.  I cannot deny that it took some effort of willpower to attend.  Not because I do not enjoy things Ni-Kunni, indeed the adorable tea-shop here is one of my favourite places, but rather because I did not know if showing my face in public after all that has happened would be acceptable.  Nonetheless, I went, and I am pleased I did, for it has brought to me a realisation.

There is, despite these dark days, much hope for our Empire.  All those in attendance last night shared, I believe, many things in common, but one thing above all.  It is difficult to put into words, but there was, I truly felt, something there that bound us all together, whether we are conscious of it or not.

There was a feeling of progressiveness.  All there want, I believe, peace and security.

My mind is such a whirl at the moment with everything that is happening, but despite my fears, my anxieties, I was instantly greeted as a friend by all who were there, and it made me realise - I am not any of the things I have been called in these last few days.  I love my Empire, my home, my people.  My detractors can say what they wish, for I know the truth, and so do my friends and comrades.  Proof, if such were needed, is in all those who have come, for whatever reason, to help protect Nakri and her people.  LUMEN, PIE, NADSC - they have come to fight a common threat, and more may indeed have come had they been able.

True, there has been bickering, ruffled feathers, and dented pride, but that, I think, is inevitable in life.  Nor is it the first time.  Witness the efforts by all against the Triglavians, EoM, the blood-stained heretics.  This, surely, is a sign of hope of a better future.  Whilst there will always be clashes, differences of opinion, and those who will spew hatred and bile no matter what.

One of Edward's colleagues wrote to me in response to my words of thanks to them all, a young man by the name of Ferrinn Vuhs.  He wrote of wanting, of needing even, to learn more of Amarrian culture.  I had never thought a support of the Federation would ever care for such a thing, yet he shows such open-mindedness that many of us could, I think, learn from his example.  Not yet so jaded as to see things in simple black and white.  I pray that he does not lose that positive quality, for he, I believe, has the potential to do much good work in New Eden.

I am simply writing for writing's sake, I think, but only I shall ever read this words, so it matters little if there is any sense in them.  I must focus for our Operation later.

I was awarded a medal for my rather tiny, insignificant part in defeating Chakaid over Kahah III.  Medals are symbols, of course, and this, to me, is a symbol of what can be done when we work together.  My thoughts of leaving the Praetorians have been foolish, I think, a mindless reaction of that Unclean Force within that bring me such doubt and pain.  My actions may, perhaps, damage this illustrious institution, and I must be so mindful of what I say and do - in that Ishta is very much correct - but could I ever really forgive myself were I do act so selfishly as to resign?  Would they not be more impacted by the loss of a Paladin, no matter how ineffectual I may be?  I took vows.  I must, I shall abide by them.

Ishta shall be awarded her Capsuleer's licence soon.  She too, stands as a shining example of what can be achieved with open-minded dedication.  But then, is she not Nadezhda?  I have a gift for her.  I should speak with her as soon as I have opportunity.

"Surround yourself with the Faithful.  Stand together, for there is no strength like it under the Heavens." 

I think I finally, fully, understand the true meaning of this passage, after all that has happened.  There is indeed no strength like the Faithful together, even if some of those do not even realise they are Faithful.  As Father Mikhail has said many times, those who do God's Work often do not even know they are doing it.