You're where the Wild Things are...

An in-character blog set in the universe of EVE Online. These are the private diary entries of Lady Ekaterina Mariya deSilvestris, a minor Amarrian Noble and Capsuleer. Other existing characters within EVE will be referred to throughout, though any opinions and views expressed are those of this character. These entries may touch on or directly address mature themes such as violence, sexuality, race and ethnicity, and mental health. As noted, any views are those of the character.

Before we begin, I feel it important to say a few words on the subject of mental health. Ekaterina, or Ekat as many call her, is something of a troubled soul. This aspect of her character is a personal choice I have made, for very personal reasons. Although EVE is a game in which the players can immerse themselves to a greater or lesser degree as they wish, mental health is a very real issue for many people. Those two simple words cover a myriad different issues and concerns that affect people directly or indirectly every day all, over the world.

If you find yourself affected by any issues touched upon in these posts, or if you face your own troubles, please know that there are people out there you can turn to; doctors, friends, family - there is ALWAYS someone. If you are an EVE player, then Broadcast 4 Reps chat is available, staffed by wonderfully kind and good-hearted volunteers. If you know of someone who has mental health issues, then please just let them know you are there. It doesn't have to be anything big, just a smile, a cup of tea, a quick phone call about last night's game - just a little thing to show they aren't forgotten.

You Never Fly Alone.
30-11-YC121

What in the name of The Eternal Empress is wrong with me?  I felt so confident and sure when I returned from my Pilgrimage, but it seem to have evaporated.  I was so happy to see Lilya again, but that too I find a struggle.  Not that I am unhappy with her, but rather I struggle to keep the positive feelings of joy and love in my heart.

I hate the IGS forums, I do not know why I ever look at them.  Perhaps it was the design of God, for such things are not for me to understand, but I stumbled across some pathetic post by that Matari bitch, some vomit-inducing bile about Love.  Of course she was talking about him, and of course he responded with his usual sugar-syrup words.  The Harlot and the Traitor.  They deserve each other. I found myself agreeing with Elsebeth Rhiannon that this bullshit about Love is merely some poor and transparent justification for her whoring herself to someone who, if there was any honour in his soul, would be her enemy.

It was then that I felt it, deep inside me.  That Unclean Force, that Darkness, that hatred, uncurling in my heart and soul.  Yet I cannot truly accept that it is an altogether negative emotion.  It has power, real power.  I just need to learn to focus it, properly.  Yes, cutting, seeing my blood flow, helps release it, but there must be a better way.  I feel I can use it.  It is a gift, not a curse.  It is the same as the power I felt after She visited me, the gift She gave me to help me find escape from my captors.

Focus it what I need.  I think a visit to the exercise grounds would be a very good idea.

Papa has also placed me within the Command Structure of the 601st, as Captain.  Since Her Imperial Majesty's decree, they have been transferred to our family's Household Forces, rather than remaining within the Imperial Navy.  It is, in all honesty, a more natural position for them; after all, it was Papa that founded the Unit, and in reality the have more allegiance and loyalty to our family than to the Navy.  It is such a pity, however, that Lord Pitoojee has decided to end Ishta's secondment.  Sasha has not taken it well, although there is no reason why they cannot see one another, unless, of course, Lord Pitoojee forbids that also.  I do not know the reasons behind Lord Pitoojee's decision, though I understand he, and LUMEN, have some disagreements over Sarum's relaunching of the Reclaiming.  Not that they have any right to question the decisions and prerogatives of one such as Lord Sarum!  They have ideas above their station, and I cannot help but wonder if that is yet another sign of the poison being spread by that Harlot.  They is no doubt in my mind that she is the Enemy Within.  I think perhaps I should speak with one of the Paladin Commanders about my concerns.  We are not without our defences, for if the enemy have a spy in our camp, we can have one in theirs.
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