You're where the Wild Things are...

An in-character blog set in the universe of EVE Online. These are the private diary entries of Lady Ekaterina Mariya deSilvestris, a minor Amarrian Noble and Capsuleer. Other existing characters within EVE will be referred to throughout, though any opinions and views expressed are those of this character. These entries may touch on or directly address mature themes such as violence, sexuality, race and ethnicity, and mental health. As noted, any views are those of the character.

Before we begin, I feel it important to say a few words on the subject of mental health. Ekaterina, or Ekat as many call her, is something of a troubled soul. This aspect of her character is a personal choice I have made, for very personal reasons. Although EVE is a game in which the players can immerse themselves to a greater or lesser degree as they wish, mental health is a very real issue for many people. Those two simple words cover a myriad different issues and concerns that affect people directly or indirectly every day all, over the world.

If you find yourself affected by any issues touched upon in these posts, or if you face your own troubles, please know that there are people out there you can turn to; doctors, friends, family - there is ALWAYS someone. If you are an EVE player, then Broadcast 4 Reps chat is available, staffed by wonderfully kind and good-hearted volunteers. If you know of someone who has mental health issues, then please just let them know you are there. It doesn't have to be anything big, just a smile, a cup of tea, a quick phone call about last night's game - just a little thing to show they aren't forgotten.

You Never Fly Alone.
04-01-YC121

I put in for a promotion to Ensign today.  I do not know how I feel about it.  I think I would have stayed at Initiate, were it not for Aldrith and Captain Elkin telling me I should at least try.  I know darling Niki would have been encouraging me too (I have not heard from her for a while now.  I do hope she is well).

In the end, I suppose what it was that finally persuaded me to submit my application was the fleet operation earlier.  I was given an Abaddon class.  It was, in all honesty, a relatively quiet operation.  The enemy pick their fights carefully, as do we, but we will engage sooner or later.  It is simply a matter of time.  I pray, if I am not Victorious, I at least serve with Valour and Courage.

I submitted my application, and received a set of examination answers quite quickly.  I did not waste any time, but set about studying and I have just submitted my answers.  I believe I did quite well, but we shall see.  God Wills.

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Aldrith has just left.  I thought at first this my disciplinary coming.  He seems much colder and distant than when I first knew him so long ago.   Perhaps much has happened since then that I know nothing of.   Perhaps he is just unhappy.  I wish I could have made him happy.

Of course, Aldrith, being Aldrith, had come to see how I was after the incident the other day.  He has had the doctor's report,  but he made no mention of it.  I do not think, though, that the conversation went the way either of us intended.  We spoke of Commander Adams, of me being lonely, of, well, of many things.  I am not sure what happened, but for a brief moment I could hear Her, as well as Aldrith.

They are both right.  I need to trust those around me.  There is no strength like it under the heavens.

I almost told him the truth.  I almost said the words I have wanted to say for so long.  He must know anyway, why else would he break the spell before I could speak?  Perhaps it is better they are never said.  I can bear that pain.  I know I am strong enough.

I am so stupid. So hopelessly fucking stupid.
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