26-02-YC126

God feedeth the ravens indeed!  What seems like the smallest morsel to one can be the grandest feast to another. Yet feasts can have a way of leaving one hungry for even more.  I had no idea of the extent to which Ishta's incident had actually affected her, but a chance conversation with the Directrix has given me much food for thought.

Apparently Ishta has lost the majority of her memories of the last five years!  No wonder her words of "caring" for Sasha struck me as such an understatement.  She recalls nothing of their relationship, or so it seems.  Poor Sasha, he, of course, remembers everything, but I have no yet thought of how I can possibly make this news any less than devastating for him.  Perhaps, in light of Ishta's background and the realities of our family's position it is for the best, but nonetheless it shall not be an easy thing for my brother to hear that his former fiancée remembers so little of him.

Or of their daughter. That is yet another dilemma, and for now a secret best kept to our family.

The Directrix also mention something I had not even imagined as a possibility.  Ishta has been given a treatment, a form of benign virus as the Directrix described it, that over-rides the triggers of her training from her former life, the training that would automatically activate her heightened reflexes and make her the lethal killing machine I have seen her to be.  I do not know if she is still able to consciously engage this training in some way, and I doubt she has been neutralised altogether.  I also do not know if the one treatment she has had is the only one she shall ever need or if she will need periodic boosters, but what I do know is that I need to find out more.  Apparently the Abbess was involved in this, so I think she would be the person to make gentle enquiries to.  All for the sake of Sasha, of course. I am sure he would want to know as much as possible about Ishta's situation, although it would do no harm to our family's interests for myself and Felix to have some information of a more technical nature on this treatment.  If I could somehow get hold of a sample, that would be ideal.  Just think of the implications!

Aside from unexpected matters of Ishta, there is also to be a meeting with Edward about the restoration project.  He has dreamed up some complaint or other, no doubt imagining LUMEN to be engaged in all sorts of nefarious activities.  He has no idea!  If the Directrix but gave us the opportunity and the permission, then I promise that my family and the assets of the 601st would be undertaking more information and intelligence gathering than Edward could conjure up in his wildest paranoia.  Simply reading through the background information on the project given to me by the Praefecta, I could see any number of potential targets.  Perhaps I ought to suggest it.

I can hear little Tata and her father coming to my room.  What a delightful little giggle she has.

 11-11-YC125

A busy week.  Fortunately it began with a highlight, or rather last week ended with one.  The Saint Razhden's Day Masquerade was a delight again this year; another triumph for the Directrix.  The costumes and stories were even more imaginative than before!  There were giant puppets, imitation blood, sword fights that looked alarmingly real, stories from the thrilling to the moving.  I particularly enjoy the two quite spiritual stories myself.  There was even a dashing Captain of a sailing ship - or dashing until revealed as Edward.

I would have considered myself honoured to have received but one vote for my efforts, but to win first place for both costume and tale!  I would never have thought that my continued tale from last year, about the past of my family and people, would have piqued much interest.  Of course, I have Olga and Katya to thank, who played their parts wonderfully. So much so, in fact, that it would be terribly unjust of me not to share the prize money with them, although I am rather concerned that amount of ISK - indeed any amount of ISK - may be something of a shock to them.  It is a delicate matter on which I shall have to converse carefully with them.

The other interesting occurrence of this week again involved Edward, this time a meeting between he, myself, and Director Isimazu.  It was somewhat frustrating, given how it would seem Caldari are utterly incapable of speaking in anything but riddles, but eventually the truth came out.  It seems Edward, in a rather bizarre and convoluted way, requested Director Isimazi as a second liaison alongside myself.  I am not entirely sure of Edward's motives for this, but I shall get the to bottom of that soon enough.  As it is, aside from the unnecessarily complicated manner of this coming about, I am more than happy to have the benefit of the Director's knowledge and insight, and I am quite positive we shall work well together.

I think, however, there is more than one secret Edward is keeping from me.  As he made to leave he quite doubled over in pain, indeed almost fainted!  For a moment I was worried someone had poisoned the tea, but it appears he has sustained some sort of injury, though he would not elaborate on how, merely dismissing it in that cavalier way he does.  I had an escort of our House Guard make sure he returned to his ship without further mishap.

Interestingly, as I was looking through the various news articles, I came across an incident covered by a Federation outlet, the Villore Vignette, regarding a gunfight at some establishment.  The Federation is, it seems, having some troubles with an insurgent group, and my sources inform me that Edward has had some involvement in security measures against them.  I wonder if this is how he came by his injury? It would be most typical of Edward to be involved in some sort of fracas of that nature.

I suspect Edward would not be entirely pleased were I to do a little investigating of my own.  So I suppose it best if he does not find out.

 15-10-YC125

It is a somewhat bittersweet affair when a long-standing organisation comes to the end of its existence, even if, not so long ago, that organisation would have been an enemy, but, alas, such is the destiny of some.  An enemy they are no longer, of course, so it was only right that the Directrix, myself, and Aria attend the function hosted by General Vero, formerly Moira.

There were some interesting lots on offer, and I am quite sure the good General raised a not unimpressive amount for her new ventures.  The Directrix, I know, bid on some items on behalf of LUMEN, and I myself was only too happy to make some offers on some Slicers and a Harbinger.  The Slicers I was successful on, although the final price was pushed up to over double due it being a public auction.  Still, all to a good cause, both in terms of my bid and the items received in return.  I have plans for those Slicers.

Unfortunately, I appear to have been rather less successful with the Harbinger.  Most frustrating, as not only is it a fine class of vessel, but this one belonged to General Vero herself, and I was hoping to carry on the ship's no doubt grand and honourable history.  Interestingly, it seems Aria outbid me in the last moments being closing, my attention being unavoidably taken elsewhere.  I thought we had an agreement, but perhaps that was not of the nature I believed it to be.  Well, as irksome as that may be, at least I know that someone worthy is now in possession of her; and it also means more proceeds for the General.

It was good to show our new, and understandably wary, allies that we in LUMEN come in genuine friendship, and I believe we made a suitably positive impression in this.  I had expected to see Edward there and am surprised he was not, although if he somehow found out I had bid on those Slicers, I have little doubt that it was he who was pushing the price up.  That would be typical of one of his "jests".

Now, I just need to organise getting the Slicers back home.

 27-08-YC125

I attended the 20th anniversary celebrations last night and, as always with LUMEN events, they were a wonderful mix of song, dance, and religious observation.

I took Lena with me as the importance of such an occasion demands having one's handmaid; besides which she is such an astute observer having her eyes and ears I though would prove useful.  One never knows what valuable information people may inadvertently drop at these gatherings.

The religious floats and icons were awe-inspiring.  Sadly I expect the deeper meaning was lost on the guests not of The Faith, but such spectacle is not for them.  I must say that the display was of such quality as to rival a Holy Day in Nakri, such was the strength of belief and respect.

One unexpected blessing was Riccoda, whom I have not seen in such a long time.  He was as sweet, lovely, and kind as ever, and oh how I have missed him.  The poor dear has been under such pressures and trouble that it is little wonder he has been scarcely present, but I hope such things are behind him now and we shall see much more of him soon.  He spoke of returning to combat, and if it is not too wicked of me to tease so, we are fortunate he is a lot more skilled at fighting than dancing.

I was surprised not to see Ishta there - or was I?  She too has been scarce, though for quite different reasons.  I cannot say I entirely agree with her shunning us as she does, even if I do understand why she feels it must be so.  I pray that vile business is done with soon.  The petty revenge of vacuous lords is so unseemly.

Speaking of which, it seems someone is troubling the Directrix.  I do hope she accepts my offer of help.  Unfortunately there are those who still judge her by her social rank rather than by her obvious, and surely famous, merits, and they are the sort who shall only listen to the words of other nobles.  It is of constant irritation to me that someone as loyal, devoted, Faithful, and intelligent as the Directrix does not hold the Titles and Privileges she so clearly deserves by her nature.

Ah, but how exquisite and beautiful she looked, and with the healthy glow of a woman in her condition!  I do hope she will forgive me for my mindless lack of etiquette.  Perhaps she will not notice, as I am not sure if many outside of Nakri have this way, but I should not have asked her how long she was due!  I do not know what came over me to be so crude and thoughtless.  Lena quite rightly admonished me afterwards and I have offered my Prayers this morning to the healthy and happy birth of the child.

Children!  There was an overgrown child at the celebrations in the form of Edward.  He acts like some sort of school-boy struggling with hormones.  As usual he was surrounded by a gaggle of fawning admirers like some sort of degenerate Gallente holo-star and his - what do they call them?  Groupers or some such?  It was amusing, in a way, yet also rather tiresome.  It simply encourages his worst behaviours, strutting around like one of the peacocks in the Gardens District.  It must have stoked his arrogance also, as he had some sort of encounter with one of the Directrix's operatives.  I do not know who she is, nor what this disagreement was over, but where Edward is concerned is likely something inane and inconsequential.  Lena tells me she overheard him claim that the woman he was speaking to "rejected" him - so I can likely guess what that about.

At least Kley did not start a fight with him, although it did look like she was trying to provoke him for some reason.  She is far more suited to a battlefield than a ballroom.  I also heard someone address her as "IlKhan".  Quite unseemly.

Thank Goodness we had that beautiful music and choir to brighten our evening!

 14-08-YC125

I have begun my official duties as LUMEN liaison officer to the Federation, or at least Edward's little patch of it.  As I expected, Commander Adams has lined himself a plush little nest with an impressive view of the city.  It amuses me how many of the Federation's high and mighty leaders speak so loudly of equality for all, yet lord it over their lower classes as much as any petty feudal chieftain amongst the Tribals.

Apparently he had concerns over my taking this role.  He did not elaborate and I did not press, although I am rather curious as to what they were.  I do not think they are entirely allayed, either.  Perhaps my upbringing as a noble is what worries him?  Every girl learns how to navigate Amarrian court politics at their Mama's knee; the petty machinations of the Federation are as child's-play.

Case in point, I was happy for him to lay out his doubts over LUMEN's activities, and he was quite open and honest about his suspicions, unfounded as they may be.  What need would we have of using the cover of tending to the religious needs of the Faithful in that area to spread some hidden agenda of the Reclaiming, when all that is required is to show people the power of that Faith?  They shall soon come flocking when they see the Salvation offered, with no clandestine alternative programme required.

I do hope, however, that our people who are undertaking these ministrations are keeping watch for any heresies, especially that of Nauplius' making.  That will need to be dealt with, irrespective of Federation laws.

Now I am aware of what Edward is watching for, it will be easier to avoid his gaze.  Bless him, he is very sweet when he allows himself to be, but so terribly naïve. I have, of course, reported our conversation to the Directrix, and await any further additional orders.  I see so many potential operations here, even after being here for only a day.

Speaking of operations, I have my own concerns, but over Kley.  I spoke to her before leaving for the Federation, and I am convinced she is becoming ever more dangerous, as if such a thing were possible.  She spoke quite openly of detonating a significant yield weapon in Port Sarum, simply to deny it to the enemy.  All very well and good, when one has the orders to do so, and I very much doubt she has.  Regardless of her unilateral proclamation of Holdership, Port Sarum is not her playground to destroy as she likes.  I appreciate she does not have the breeding, and thus education, to realise her full responsibilities as a Holder, but surely she should realise that it does not belong to her as private property?  She Holds it in the name of Lord Sarum.  It is not hers to obliterate.

More worrying is what she said about expecting to be tried as a traitor upon her return.  Aside from the fact that a trial would be more than she has given to the Holders she found in Raravoss, surely if any action causes a Paladin of our Order to think the consequences may include being accused of treachery, then they should cease immediately from taking that action!  Thoughts of potential disloyalty and betrayal should not even enter the mind of a Paladin.

But I am beginning to suspect that Kley has lost hers entirely.

 09-07-YC125

I may have been somewhat brusque with Kley in a conversation tonight.  If one can call it a conversation.  I have such mixed feelings on her these days.  I cannot, nor would not, deny her courage and her devotion to duty, or at least what she sees as her duty, but I do doubt one or two other things.  Her sanity to name but one.

She thinks she is likely to be tried for treason, by which she refers to her unilateral usurping of the entire Holdership of Raravoss III.  By rights, of course, she ought to be, but Khanids seem to have a certain way of neatly avoiding repercussions.  I know some would put it down to simple jealousy on my part - after all, she is just a commoner, with no breeding or upbringing to give her the proper understandings needed to rule a Holding, but it is more than that.  I think, in part, she is a symbol, a symptom even, of whatever it is that is afflicting our poor Empire.  All these lower stations thinking better of themselves and upsetting the natural balance.  It is more than a little disconcerting.

I really should not dwell on such things, but I cannot help it.  It is either that that occupies my mind or worrying about Ishta.  True, yes, I am deeply concerned of the potential consequences for us as well as her.  I had hoped for much brighter times.  I have no doubt that Sasha is going to push to go back to active duty (there is another thing I am angry at Kley for - my whole team could have been killed outright supporting her foolish little adventure) but that is most certainly not happening whilst Ishta's business is still going on.  It will prey on his mind, even if he denies it, and I will not risk my little brother's life like that.

Although, in all honesty, I would not entirely dismiss the idea of returning to Raravoss myself.  Catching some of the enemy in my rifle sights would be ever so cathartic. I do miss Naval Infantry duties at times.

I should think this task the Directrix has given me shall be an acceptable alternative, if a decidedly less dangerous venture.  I am just waiting to speak to Edward to arrange our first meeting.  I am rather looking forward to it.  Edward always finds a way to uplift my spirits.

And who knows, I may even eventually convert him to The Faith.

Just the thought makes me smile.

 02-07-YC125

How strange it is to have to seal away my diaries written during my time as Imperial Navy Liaison Officer.  One wonders if they shall ever see the light of day.  Yulia joked that some day in the future my writings would be gathered together by students of Amarrian society to ponder over, but there would be a year-long gap which would frustrate them as they imagined all sorts of secrets and intrigue.  A very amusing thought, if rather fanciful.

It is a pleasure, of course, to return, although the opportunity to spend so long with my dear Kolya shall be something I always treasure.  To what do I return?  Such changes big and small, both here in Nakri and across New Eden itself, some for the better, some perhaps not so much.

Poor Ishta.  I am glad I saw her at the Awards last night, but it is clear she is fretting terribly.  She has not been home in a very long time and I worry she is isolating herself unnecessarily.  We shall never abandon her, though her past crimes, now caught up with her, are grave indeed.  Yet if only those who seek their so-called justice could see with clear eyes what she has become.  Surely they would see God's Blessings present in Ishta.  Can there be any better proof of the Divine than the conversion of such a wicked sinner? She is, without any doubt, far more worthy and noble than that vile Heretic Nauplius, or Kley, who conducts herself less and less in a manner befitting a Paladin and who appears to be carving herself out her own little fiefdom.

The murder of Holders!  By a commoner! Truly these are dark times.  True enough they reneged upon their sworn oaths to Lord Sarum, but they should have been brought to trial, not brutally executed and rolled into some water-logged ditch, or whatever distasteful outcome Kley arbitrarily decided was to be their fate.  I have a strong mind to raise this matter with the Chapter Master.  And quite honestly, who turns up to a Writing Awards Ceremony in battle-armour? How gauche!

There were a number of rather unsophisticated scenes last night, sadly, but it did not, I am happy to say, detract in any significant way from the Directrix's organisational skills or abilities to host a superior class of event.  She herself is looking most bright and beautiful with the baby on the way, if somewhat tired.  Hardly surprising, of course; even at this stage of pregnancy she simply does not stop from fulfilling all her many duties.  An admirable woman indeed, and yet another who may not be noble of birth, but is most certainly so of soul.  

Most unexpectedly, the Directrix had a task for me.  Little time has passed since a returned from one liaison role before I am given another, this time to assuage the concerns and fears of the Federation over LUMEN's mission within their systems.  They think we intend to march over their planets, praying and chanting, converting the heathen and bringing The Word of God to all.  Somewhat ironic, really, given the Federation's much-vaunted "virtues" of religious tolerance and openness.  As the Directrix says, anyone who wants to hear The Word we shall accept with open arms, as is our duty to God, and it is not as if The Faith is completely unknown in the Federation.  The powers that be just know that once people start to compare the knowledge of Salvation through God to the false promises the Federation gives them of prosperity and freedom from want; well, it is hardly any competition, is it?

The most amusing part of this task, however, is that it will mean spending a lot of time with Edward, as a result of his status and role.  He did seem rather pleased with the idea when I told him last night, when he finally turned up.  I cannot say I am not happy with this turn of events.  I like Edward.  Despite his rough edges he is a good person at heart, and I know I can help him to understand that there is nothing sinister or untoward in LUMEN's work.  I think perhaps, like many, he is finding it hard to adapt to the new Treaty, the sudden thawing of relations between our Empire and the Federation.  I should imagine it is a hard concept for many to accept.  There have been few as adaptable as my family to changing currents, both now and in history.

One of the secrets to deSilvestris success, I suppose.  One has to always be ready to turn a situation to one's advantage.