30-11-YC121
What in the name of The Eternal Empress is wrong with me? I felt so confident and sure when I returned from my Pilgrimage, but it seem to have evaporated. I was so happy to see Lilya again, but that too I find a struggle. Not that I am unhappy with her, but rather I struggle to keep the positive feelings of joy and love in my heart.
I hate the IGS forums, I do not know why I ever look at them. Perhaps it was the design of God, for such things are not for me to understand, but I stumbled across some pathetic post by that Matari bitch, some vomit-inducing bile about Love. Of course she was talking about him, and of course he responded with his usual sugar-syrup words. The Harlot and the Traitor. They deserve each other. I found myself agreeing with Elsebeth Rhiannon that this bullshit about Love is merely some poor and transparent justification for her whoring herself to someone who, if there was any honour in his soul, would be her enemy.
It was then that I felt it, deep inside me. That Unclean Force, that Darkness, that hatred, uncurling in my heart and soul. Yet I cannot truly accept that it is an altogether negative emotion. It has power, real power. I just need to learn to focus it, properly. Yes, cutting, seeing my blood flow, helps release it, but there must be a better way. I feel I can use it. It is a gift, not a curse. It is the same as the power I felt after She visited me, the gift She gave me to help me find escape from my captors.
Focus it what I need. I think a visit to the exercise grounds would be a very good idea.
Papa has also placed me within the Command Structure of the 601st, as Captain. Since Her Imperial Majesty's decree, they have been transferred to our family's Household Forces, rather than remaining within the Imperial Navy. It is, in all honesty, a more natural position for them; after all, it was Papa that founded the Unit, and in reality the have more allegiance and loyalty to our family than to the Navy. It is such a pity, however, that Lord Pitoojee has decided to end Ishta's secondment. Sasha has not taken it well, although there is no reason why they cannot see one another, unless, of course, Lord Pitoojee forbids that also. I do not know the reasons behind Lord Pitoojee's decision, though I understand he, and LUMEN, have some disagreements over Sarum's relaunching of the Reclaiming. Not that they have any right to question the decisions and prerogatives of one such as Lord Sarum! They have ideas above their station, and I cannot help but wonder if that is yet another sign of the poison being spread by that Harlot. They is no doubt in my mind that she is the Enemy Within. I think perhaps I should speak with one of the Paladin Commanders about my concerns. We are not without our defences, for if the enemy have a spy in our camp, we can have one in theirs.
20-11-YC121
Today I visited the final Holy Station on my Pilgrimage - the wreckage of EF Seraph. Though broken and burned, lying off the Navy Assembly Plant, it is still a glorious sight. Glorious, yet heartbreaking, for here it was that Jamyl Sarum was attacked, murdered, by the hateful, twisted Drifters.
My first emotion was shock. I have never dared come here before, I did not think I would have the strength. Fear, also; I could feel my pulse quicken, Dido reacting to my emotions, and had I not been in my pod, I am sure I would have felt a cold perspiration. Yet, as I drew closer, I grew calmer, more peaceful. I felt myself filled with a strength of Faith, a surety in Her never-ending Divinty, that kept me on course.
It was the same feeling I had all those years ago, when She came to me in my Darkest Time, when She imbued me with the power and will, the physical and emotional fortitude I required to escape my captors. Only later did I find out that I had my vision of Her at the same moment that the terrible events were occuring if Safizon. Did She come to me? Did She reach across the void to touch me, to save me? I do not know, but I believe that She did.
I have never spoken of this to anyone, nor shall I, but I knew, deep down, I would come here, eventually. To pay my respects, to reach out to Her Holy Spirit. If only I could have stepped outside Dido, physically reached out to touch the golden hull of The Eternal Empress' ship! Physically, no; but spiritually? Yes, I felt Her here, and with that I feel more confident, more certain, more hopeful than ever before.
For that is what She is - Hope.
I shall return home tomorrow, then to Nafrivik. I will be heartwarming to see Lilya again, for I have missed her. Yet there shall be so many things to do. For tonight, however, I shall spend the night in prayer to Her, The Eternal Empress, Immortal and Divine.
I shall give my all, my everything, to the Empire, to God, to Her.
Today I visited the final Holy Station on my Pilgrimage - the wreckage of EF Seraph. Though broken and burned, lying off the Navy Assembly Plant, it is still a glorious sight. Glorious, yet heartbreaking, for here it was that Jamyl Sarum was attacked, murdered, by the hateful, twisted Drifters.
My first emotion was shock. I have never dared come here before, I did not think I would have the strength. Fear, also; I could feel my pulse quicken, Dido reacting to my emotions, and had I not been in my pod, I am sure I would have felt a cold perspiration. Yet, as I drew closer, I grew calmer, more peaceful. I felt myself filled with a strength of Faith, a surety in Her never-ending Divinty, that kept me on course.
It was the same feeling I had all those years ago, when She came to me in my Darkest Time, when She imbued me with the power and will, the physical and emotional fortitude I required to escape my captors. Only later did I find out that I had my vision of Her at the same moment that the terrible events were occuring if Safizon. Did She come to me? Did She reach across the void to touch me, to save me? I do not know, but I believe that She did.
I have never spoken of this to anyone, nor shall I, but I knew, deep down, I would come here, eventually. To pay my respects, to reach out to Her Holy Spirit. If only I could have stepped outside Dido, physically reached out to touch the golden hull of The Eternal Empress' ship! Physically, no; but spiritually? Yes, I felt Her here, and with that I feel more confident, more certain, more hopeful than ever before.
For that is what She is - Hope.
I shall return home tomorrow, then to Nafrivik. I will be heartwarming to see Lilya again, for I have missed her. Yet there shall be so many things to do. For tonight, however, I shall spend the night in prayer to Her, The Eternal Empress, Immortal and Divine.
I shall give my all, my everything, to the Empire, to God, to Her.
19-11-YC121
I spent an extra day in Arx Adolis, in prayer to the memory of the fallen, and thanks to God and The Eternal Empress for our Victory there. Afterwards, I had Dido cleaned and blessed again, and undertook my own ritual ablutions, for the next, and penultimate, Holy Station on my Pilgrimage was the Imperial Honour Guard in Amarr Prime, still in formation since the the day of the Coronation of Empress Catiz I.
Of the sight of individual ships, or even large fleets, I am more than used to, being the daughter of a Naval Officer, yet the site of the Imperial Honour Guard took my breath away. Truly, they have restored their honour. It is such a beauteous thing to behold, that I can scarcely find words to appropriately describe it. The massed power of the fleet, in their glittering gold livery evokes nothing short of a sense of the sublime. It is a fitting escort for Her Imperial Majesty, Empress of Holy Amarr, floating high above Oris as the planet shines like a radiant jewel in a Heavenly Crown. I also felt a sense of security and stability, and there is no doubt in my mind that with such a strong and disciplined Navy, Amarr, in truth, shall weather any storm, no matter how dark and threatening the skies may be, now or in the future.
First and foremost, the words of my vow upon Her Imperial Majesty's Coronation came to my mind. I gave that vow willingly and faithfully, and I shall uphold it, to the exclusion of all else, until God decrees that I should be no more. I wish that others who had taken that vow held it in the same supreme regard, above every other concern they may have. I suppose, of course, there shall always be those who are false, or who waver in the face of commitment to true devotion and loyalty. They shall be found out, of course, and cast out with all the other betrayers and treacherous Enemies of Amarr.
I have but one final Holy Station to visit. This one, I know, shall be the most moving and emotional, but God is with me, and I shall have the strength I need to meet the most personal of moments.
I spent an extra day in Arx Adolis, in prayer to the memory of the fallen, and thanks to God and The Eternal Empress for our Victory there. Afterwards, I had Dido cleaned and blessed again, and undertook my own ritual ablutions, for the next, and penultimate, Holy Station on my Pilgrimage was the Imperial Honour Guard in Amarr Prime, still in formation since the the day of the Coronation of Empress Catiz I.
Of the sight of individual ships, or even large fleets, I am more than used to, being the daughter of a Naval Officer, yet the site of the Imperial Honour Guard took my breath away. Truly, they have restored their honour. It is such a beauteous thing to behold, that I can scarcely find words to appropriately describe it. The massed power of the fleet, in their glittering gold livery evokes nothing short of a sense of the sublime. It is a fitting escort for Her Imperial Majesty, Empress of Holy Amarr, floating high above Oris as the planet shines like a radiant jewel in a Heavenly Crown. I also felt a sense of security and stability, and there is no doubt in my mind that with such a strong and disciplined Navy, Amarr, in truth, shall weather any storm, no matter how dark and threatening the skies may be, now or in the future.
First and foremost, the words of my vow upon Her Imperial Majesty's Coronation came to my mind. I gave that vow willingly and faithfully, and I shall uphold it, to the exclusion of all else, until God decrees that I should be no more. I wish that others who had taken that vow held it in the same supreme regard, above every other concern they may have. I suppose, of course, there shall always be those who are false, or who waver in the face of commitment to true devotion and loyalty. They shall be found out, of course, and cast out with all the other betrayers and treacherous Enemies of Amarr.
I have but one final Holy Station to visit. This one, I know, shall be the most moving and emotional, but God is with me, and I shall have the strength I need to meet the most personal of moments.
17-11-YC121
They say Pride cometh before a fall, but I cannot help but be proud as I write this in my quarters on Arx Adolis. It was here, in Thebeka, that I undertook my first real action with PIE during the operations there. Papa, too, was proud when he saw the medal I was awarded for my service, The Order of Thebeka. Yet it is not just myself of which I am proud; I am proud of what we achieved, given the difficulties we faced, the odds against us. Not only the horrors of the Heretics' use of Deathglow, quite possibly the most vile weapon ever devised by a twisted mind, but also the active collusion of the Tribals in arming the rebellion. Even supposedly State-loyal groups supported our enemies. As usual, the Tribals hid behind their lies of undertaking humanitarian missions! As if those barbarians understand anything about humanitarianism. They murder women and children in cold blood, or at the very least give weapons to people induced to a psychotic mania and let them do it. It is disgusting, and they should be punished for their crimes.
Ah, but all that is behind us. The rebellions are quelled, peace restored, through the brave and noble actions of PIE and our allies, not to mention other Imperial forces involved in the fighting, such as Sasha and his unit. I think I shall spend some time here in prayer, giving thanks to God for the strength found in standing with The Faithful.
They say Pride cometh before a fall, but I cannot help but be proud as I write this in my quarters on Arx Adolis. It was here, in Thebeka, that I undertook my first real action with PIE during the operations there. Papa, too, was proud when he saw the medal I was awarded for my service, The Order of Thebeka. Yet it is not just myself of which I am proud; I am proud of what we achieved, given the difficulties we faced, the odds against us. Not only the horrors of the Heretics' use of Deathglow, quite possibly the most vile weapon ever devised by a twisted mind, but also the active collusion of the Tribals in arming the rebellion. Even supposedly State-loyal groups supported our enemies. As usual, the Tribals hid behind their lies of undertaking humanitarian missions! As if those barbarians understand anything about humanitarianism. They murder women and children in cold blood, or at the very least give weapons to people induced to a psychotic mania and let them do it. It is disgusting, and they should be punished for their crimes.
Ah, but all that is behind us. The rebellions are quelled, peace restored, through the brave and noble actions of PIE and our allies, not to mention other Imperial forces involved in the fighting, such as Sasha and his unit. I think I shall spend some time here in prayer, giving thanks to God for the strength found in standing with The Faithful.
16-11-YC121
If Fort Kumar is an example of the rewards those who serve our Motherland may expect, then Arzad II is an example of the punishments that must befall those who betray her. My journey there was not so hazardous as I expected, though I have no doubt taking the proper precautions was a wise choice as always.
I must admit I find it difficult to even imagine the mind of anyone who would take up arms against us in rebellion, though it is a sad reality that many of the lower orders, and, more horrifingly, even some of the higher, do not seem to appreciate the fortunate life they have been given in serving God. There are many who think that the annihilation of the Starkmanir was too much, but God is Wrathful as well as Merciful, and we, as God's Chosen, must be so too. It cannot have been an easy decision for Idonis Ardishapur to have taken, but what choice could he have had? Any child would avenge the murder of their father, Honour demands it, but when one's father is a Royal Heir! It was not only for the Honour of the Ardishapur Family, but for the Empire as a whole.
An example was set, as was only right and proper. Those who choose to ignore it are fools, and they shall join the Starkmanir in their fate.
Later
From enemies to allies. I have docked in the CVA refinery in Misaba, and been made most welcome by the hangar crew. I shall spend some time refreshing myself and offering prayers before continuing on.
It is strange to be out here again after so very long. Once upon a time, in a different life, I belonged to a group that was part of CVA. I wonder what became of them and the friends I made there. I could never have foreseen the path my life would take, but at least I can find such comfort in the constancy of allies such as these. I only with other supposed allies were as trsutworthy and dependable.
I wonder if I shall ever find myself in this part of the cluster again. Such exciting times I had.
I think I shall rest here awhile before moving onward to Thebeka.
If Fort Kumar is an example of the rewards those who serve our Motherland may expect, then Arzad II is an example of the punishments that must befall those who betray her. My journey there was not so hazardous as I expected, though I have no doubt taking the proper precautions was a wise choice as always.
I must admit I find it difficult to even imagine the mind of anyone who would take up arms against us in rebellion, though it is a sad reality that many of the lower orders, and, more horrifingly, even some of the higher, do not seem to appreciate the fortunate life they have been given in serving God. There are many who think that the annihilation of the Starkmanir was too much, but God is Wrathful as well as Merciful, and we, as God's Chosen, must be so too. It cannot have been an easy decision for Idonis Ardishapur to have taken, but what choice could he have had? Any child would avenge the murder of their father, Honour demands it, but when one's father is a Royal Heir! It was not only for the Honour of the Ardishapur Family, but for the Empire as a whole.
An example was set, as was only right and proper. Those who choose to ignore it are fools, and they shall join the Starkmanir in their fate.
Later
From enemies to allies. I have docked in the CVA refinery in Misaba, and been made most welcome by the hangar crew. I shall spend some time refreshing myself and offering prayers before continuing on.
It is strange to be out here again after so very long. Once upon a time, in a different life, I belonged to a group that was part of CVA. I wonder what became of them and the friends I made there. I could never have foreseen the path my life would take, but at least I can find such comfort in the constancy of allies such as these. I only with other supposed allies were as trsutworthy and dependable.
I wonder if I shall ever find myself in this part of the cluster again. Such exciting times I had.
I think I shall rest here awhile before moving onward to Thebeka.
15-11-YC121
Fort Kumar in Kenobanala is a sight to behold! It is, at one and the same time, majestic and forbidding, projecting its military might far beyond its immediate vicinity. I do not exaggerate when I saw I was awed by it. I was even given the honour of permission to dock, which must be rarely extended to anyone not immediately connected with the Fortress, and never to anyone not militarily connected to the Empire. I can only assume that it was granted because of my being a Praetorian, though I suppose it is possible my family name had some little influence, if the Commander knows my father. Whatever the reason, it was a welcome show of hospitality to a humble pilgrim.
I spent some time there, and was given a small tour of the Kameira traning facilities, and even a chance to spar a little, which was most exhilarating. Ishta, I think, would be very appreciative of some time here, and this place made me think of her. Like Ishta, the Kameiras have been granted Ammatar citizenship. They show such bravery and loyalty to our Empire, and such devotion to God, it is only right that they be duly rewarded. It gives me hope that others may be so elevated, that they shall come to see the Light, and the Beauty that comes with having one's eyes opened to the Glory of God and the Righteousness of Amarr's Destiny.
I have now docked in the Crusade station in Mehatoor, to prepare for what is most likely the most dangerous and risk-filled stage of my Pilgrimage - Arzad. Yet I have no fear or anxiety. The further I progress, the closer I am to God, and I shall be rendered safe by such proximity to the Divine. I have Faith too, that She, the Eternal Empress, guards and guides me.
Fort Kumar in Kenobanala is a sight to behold! It is, at one and the same time, majestic and forbidding, projecting its military might far beyond its immediate vicinity. I do not exaggerate when I saw I was awed by it. I was even given the honour of permission to dock, which must be rarely extended to anyone not immediately connected with the Fortress, and never to anyone not militarily connected to the Empire. I can only assume that it was granted because of my being a Praetorian, though I suppose it is possible my family name had some little influence, if the Commander knows my father. Whatever the reason, it was a welcome show of hospitality to a humble pilgrim.
I spent some time there, and was given a small tour of the Kameira traning facilities, and even a chance to spar a little, which was most exhilarating. Ishta, I think, would be very appreciative of some time here, and this place made me think of her. Like Ishta, the Kameiras have been granted Ammatar citizenship. They show such bravery and loyalty to our Empire, and such devotion to God, it is only right that they be duly rewarded. It gives me hope that others may be so elevated, that they shall come to see the Light, and the Beauty that comes with having one's eyes opened to the Glory of God and the Righteousness of Amarr's Destiny.
I have now docked in the Crusade station in Mehatoor, to prepare for what is most likely the most dangerous and risk-filled stage of my Pilgrimage - Arzad. Yet I have no fear or anxiety. The further I progress, the closer I am to God, and I shall be rendered safe by such proximity to the Divine. I have Faith too, that She, the Eternal Empress, guards and guides me.
14-11-YC121
I write this in Arx Exubitoris, PIE's Citadel in Dresi. I would never have dared imagine that I would ever be allowed in this place. It is a magnificant bastion, testament to PIE's proud history and noble purpose, a history and purpose I now have the pleasure to share in.
Once I have made my daily prayers, I shall make some use of the superb training facilities here, as it is only right I should hone my hand-to-hand skills. Also, if I have time, I shall visit Dresi III, the small planetoid whereupon is Dam-Argat, with it's awe-inspring Cathedral, dedicated to Zakara the Martyr.
I hope Lilya is alright without me. I know she shall be missing me terribly, and I have not spoken to her since I began this Pilgrimage, nor will I until I have completed it. I know it was not necessarily, and certainly not a condition imposed by the Paladin-Commanders, but I feel that during this Holy Journey, I should, inasmuch as I am able, avoid contact with anyone I do not immediately encounter, and only then if it serves a part of my Progression.
I feel at peace in this place, secure. My quarters are comfortable, and I am sure I shall rest well. Perhaps if I rest earlier, I shall have more time for a visit to Dam-Argat. I would so dearly love to see it. I am told it stands surrounded by ice plains, which would also be a new and exciting experience for me. Ice plains are not something one sees very much of growing up on a station.
I write this in Arx Exubitoris, PIE's Citadel in Dresi. I would never have dared imagine that I would ever be allowed in this place. It is a magnificant bastion, testament to PIE's proud history and noble purpose, a history and purpose I now have the pleasure to share in.
Once I have made my daily prayers, I shall make some use of the superb training facilities here, as it is only right I should hone my hand-to-hand skills. Also, if I have time, I shall visit Dresi III, the small planetoid whereupon is Dam-Argat, with it's awe-inspring Cathedral, dedicated to Zakara the Martyr.
I hope Lilya is alright without me. I know she shall be missing me terribly, and I have not spoken to her since I began this Pilgrimage, nor will I until I have completed it. I know it was not necessarily, and certainly not a condition imposed by the Paladin-Commanders, but I feel that during this Holy Journey, I should, inasmuch as I am able, avoid contact with anyone I do not immediately encounter, and only then if it serves a part of my Progression.
I feel at peace in this place, secure. My quarters are comfortable, and I am sure I shall rest well. Perhaps if I rest earlier, I shall have more time for a visit to Dam-Argat. I would so dearly love to see it. I am told it stands surrounded by ice plains, which would also be a new and exciting experience for me. Ice plains are not something one sees very much of growing up on a station.
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