You're where the Wild Things are...

An in-character blog set in the universe of EVE Online. These are the private diary entries of Lady Ekaterina Mariya deSilvestris, a minor Amarrian Noble and Capsuleer. Other existing characters within EVE will be referred to throughout, though any opinions and views expressed are those of this character. These entries may touch on or directly address mature themes such as violence, sexuality, race and ethnicity, and mental health. As noted, any views are those of the character.

Before we begin, I feel it important to say a few words on the subject of mental health. Ekaterina, or Ekat as many call her, is something of a troubled soul. This aspect of her character is a personal choice I have made, for very personal reasons. Although EVE is a game in which the players can immerse themselves to a greater or lesser degree as they wish, mental health is a very real issue for many people. Those two simple words cover a myriad different issues and concerns that affect people directly or indirectly every day all, over the world.

If you find yourself affected by any issues touched upon in these posts, or if you face your own troubles, please know that there are people out there you can turn to; doctors, friends, family - there is ALWAYS someone. If you are an EVE player, then Broadcast 4 Reps chat is available, staffed by wonderfully kind and good-hearted volunteers. If you know of someone who has mental health issues, then please just let them know you are there. It doesn't have to be anything big, just a smile, a cup of tea, a quick phone call about last night's game - just a little thing to show they aren't forgotten.

You Never Fly Alone.

 02-07-YC123

I wonder now if accepting Ishta and my brother was the right thing to do.  I am not sure what drives her exactly, but I am not entirely convinced of her motives.  I pray I am simply being paranoid, but what if this has been a goal all along?  Finding a route to power.  She speaks of wanting to make the Empire a better place, yet her method of making this happen is to rule by fear!  To use a clandestine force to eliminate those who do not conform to an idea of what Holder's should be.  Her idea!

She talked last night of intending to kill Danylo.  She seems not to care of the potential consequences, nor of fact that our families are trying to heal the age-old rivalry through more peaceful means.  Does she really believe I want to marry the man?  Of course I do not, but if it brings two noble families closer together then Nakri as a whole benefits.  I am not sure she cares for our home and our people.  Why would she?  It is not her home.  They are not her people.

She also thinks I hate her and do not want her here.  She asked if it was because of her past, or because she reminds me of Sirna.  I cannot deny the last is true, and, yes, that is painful.  Sometimes I wish she was Sirna. But she is not, she is nothing like Sirna.  Sirna would not want this path of bloodshed that could so easily bring ruin upon us if it were to go awry.

I wish Kolya had been born first.  He would be far better suited to being the head of this family.  I could pass over my birthright, I suppose.  Tell Mama and Papa that I relinquish what is mine and give it to my dear brother.  That may cause the Kovals to rethink and retract their proposal, though there would still be much for them to gain by it, even if I was not to inherit the House itself.

Is there another way?  There must be, but I cannot see it. Dear God, please, I pray to you, give me Your Guidance.  Show unto me the course I should take for the good of Nakri, my Motherland and Her People!  Eternal Empress, I beseech thee, give me a Sign as once you did, that I may not lose Hope!



Hope!

Nadezdha!

Thank you God, Thank you My Eternal Empress!

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