30-07-YC123

I am considering relocating again.  The warzone is, for the time being, in no danger from the Tribals, and my time here is spent largely assisting regular Imperial forces secure strategic sites with the absolute minimum of trouble.  Indeed, I have only seen one Tribal in this past week, and she scurried away as quickly as possible as soon as I appeared on her D-Scan.  It may be worth my time undertaking duties with the Navy again, and I am sure Papa's old colleagues have plenty of tasks.

Ishta appears to have had a change of heart.  Well, not exactly.  She still intends to eliminate the Kovals, but now she wishes to bring a case to the Speakers of Truth!  It seems she has finally not only listened to reason, but also recognised who the heir to this Family is.  I think she hopes to repair things between us, and I cannot deny I would rather that than live with a constant tension between us.  Perhaps we clash because, in reality, we are so similar in many ways.

I am not entirely convinced that the matter will be of interest to the Speakers, or of what, exactly, Ishta intends to bring before them.  There are cruel Holders across the Empire, and if it were considered a serious enough matter for the Speakers, then surely they would have become involved long before now.  Still, it can do no harm, so far as I can see, to allow Ishta to follow this idea, and if the Speakers reject it she may even give up on her crusade against the Kovals altogether.  I do not deny they are an unpleasant family, but there are more serious threats to contend with, threats that I think Ishta's energy and skills would be far better turned against.

I shall give her a call and speak to her.

 27-07-YC123

I find myself unable to care at the news about Nauplius' latest threatened atrocity.  I should care, I imagine, but I do not.  It is just another part of an endless, now meaningless, cycle.  The Unclean Force comes upon me once again and my mind is plagued with the bleakest of outlooks.  We, the Empire, ought to make use of this useful idiot, but we do not.  There shall undoubtedly be reprisals against anyone with even the vaguest connection to the Empire, and is there ever a better reason to secure the safety of Her Imperial Majesty's loyal subjects?  We could justify annexing the entire warzone, but every weak-willed pacifist would rather see such innocents murdered than dare to upset the status-quo.  They will cry out about Accords and CONCORD treaties and other empty nonsense, rather than allowing the heroes who have brought us such an glittering victory be fully unleashed against the enemy.

We cannot even deal properly with the enemy within.  Ishta obsesses about the Kovals, but they are nothing more that our rivals, not a symptom of the sickness that infects our Empire.  She ought to focus her energies on people like Yassavi, who belittle the achievements of our militia simply to further a bizarre personal vendetta against we Praetorians, and in so doing opens rifts that the Tribals leap at to exploit.  Of course, when I point this out, the fool bitch accuses me of "welcoming an enemy".  If anyone is working against the Empire it is her.

Yet, of course, nothing is done.  Little wonder I feel disheartened again.

Amicia has been one ray of light, however.  I hope that very soon we shall finalise the agreement with her family to import certain items that cannot be sourced in Nakri.  Clearly her family has had more than a lifetime of faithful service, but has not once been recognised properly.  I hope having my family at patrons will be accepted as a suitable first gesture.  There shall be so much more than that, of course.  Poor Amicia is most frustrated at Ishta meteoric rise in fortunes, and little wonder.  I think I shall have a firm ally there when the time arises.

Foundation Day celebrations shall be upon us very soon.  I pray this malaise passes before then.

 20-07-YC123

One wonders at times exactly who our enemies are.  I have felt for a long time now that there is a most definite poison running through the veins of our beloved Empire.  Not the obvious heretics and rebels who stand and show their treacherous colours quite openly, but the hidden, insidious figures who profess their dedication and loyalty but at every turn attack and vilify those who defend the Empress and Her subjects.  In all honesty, I would sooner trust Nauplius than that moronic, bitter Yassavi.  At least Nauplius does not pretend to be an ally only to suddenly turn with no cause.

To think that even a heretic such as he shows more support for Aldrith's kind and noble words celebrating our victory and all those who helped bring it about, no matter how large or small their role, than that perpetual embarrassment Saronu, should be shocking.  Alas, it is not.

At least I can say I have some valued friends and allies, who I can truly believe shall bring about a resurrection of proper nobility and honour.  Celeste may be of low-born background, but I can think of few people better suited to being elevated to join our higher ranks than she, and soon enough so she shall be.

Amicia, too, is another rare gem.  I have not had very much opportunity to speak with her, but I can see she is intelligent, driven, and faithful, exactly the sort we need if we are to usher in a new Golden Age.  She is on her way to see me now, and I look forward to our conversation.  I am absolutely sure it shall be most fruitful. 

 19-07-YC123

Coming to the warzone was the correct course of action.  I have felt much better since I arrived.  Not only that, but I have, at least in a small way, done my duty.  I have assisted in patrols, and now even have a kill to my name - with Aldrith's help.  I helped in the liberation of Brin, and now we have gone even further.

The entire warzone belongs to Amarr! Praise the Empress!  With the help of God and The Eternal Empress we have pushed the Tribals back to their holes.  I pray we can go further and wipe the misbegotten abortion they call a government from New Eden.

I should be elated, and in part I am, but I am also very uncomfortable.  Something gnaws at me, an instinctive doubt and suspicion.  I worry about the situation at home.  Since I transferred to the new Praetorian station in Floseswin I cannot push from my mind my concerns over Ishta.  What exactly are her intentions?  For a former slave, and one with such a destructive, rebellious streak, to wield such influence - no, that does not seem at all well.  I cannot for a moment accept the empty-headed rhetoric of Nauplius, but perhaps, in a way, he is correct, that there is something wrong in the Empire.  Perhaps we  have been too liberal.

God grant me peace of mind.  I pray I do not return home to find I have made a horrid mistake in trusting Ishta.  I pray I have a home to return to!

I think I would rather just remain here.

 13-7-YC123

Ishta has made enough of a scene to get her way.  There shall be no union between our House and the Kovals.  I cannot say I am heartbroken, it is not as though it would have resulted in a marriage with a man I wanted, nor to whom I am suitable, but I was willing to make that sacrifice for the good of my family and my people, putting a rest to a rivalry that has lasted countless generations before it spills into bloodshed.  Such a prospect can only weaken Nakri, and we have seen already that we have enemies circling.  Nauplius may have been insignificant, but there are far more dangerous, and less obvious, foes than he.

Yet it seems Ishta would rather have violence and death.  I suppose I should not be surprised.  What else has she ever known?  I do not think she has thought the consequences through, but Papa was right when he told me he was going to reject Lord Koval's proposal.  Ishta is so set against that family that even if I had married Danylo, she'd have soon left me a widow, and everything would have been left in tatters anyway.  I doubt that even crossed her mind.

Nevertheless, although the situation is now changed, we are not left without alternative recourse.  I had hoped to use Nad   

Ishta has been.  We spoke at some length.  I think she perhaps understands now, at least a little, the power and influence she wields.  What she did not realise is that this, her stymying of the plans to bring our family and the Kovals together, was simply the first demonstration of that power.  I do not think, however, that she quite understands, or at least believes, how she has eclipsed me.

I have no appetite for being at home at the moment, not whilst I feel a stranger in it.  Perhaps I should try and find my place back in the warzone again.  Something else I am not exactly suited for, but at least there I can disappear into the background of brighter stars and not feel uncomfortable with it.

 06-07-YC123

Had I not seen it with my own eyes, I would never have believed anything in this life could come close to an image of Paradise, nor could I ever have surmised that it would be so close, but after accepting Lunarisse's invitation for a tour of Tebu Amkhiman I swear I shall never see such beauty again until I am finally granted God's Grace.

I could write of the main parts of the station, or of the hangars and defence systems, and surely they would be impressive enough, but my mind can think of nothing but the majesty of the life support system.  Such a mundane and deceptively simple word for what it is!  A perfect array of natural, organic systems, trees, plants, water, all the things that God with Wisdom has given unto any number of planets in New Eden to breath life and health upon them, and the Directrix has recreated it perfectly, flawlessly.

I cannot even begin to bring justice to the sights, smells, and sounds with mere words, but I confess that I was immediately struck with but one thought, one goal.  Nakri must have such things.  In every station in the system.  I have already told Lunarisse that is what I want to see brought to us, shared with us, and she, Praise Be, agreed.  It will take time, of course, and no doubt a lot of negotiation and dealing with a myriad of different individuals and groups, but it will happen, of that I am absolutely determined.

I must also confess that this beautiful ecosystem was not the only thing that caught my eye.  We were accompanied by Paladin Marshal Lord Abdulov.  It seems Providence has seen fit to introduce two handsome war-heroes into my life.  I like him, he has a strong sense of practicality, and I admire that.  He is charming too.  How funny it seems that just as political preparations are being made for my future, these two men, Abdulov and Sokolov.  I would rather think of it as amusing that a cruel joke.  I hope to see more of them whilst such a thing is possible.

Celeste has written to me, actually written! I think that is incredibly sweet of her, and a sign of her good and noble nature.  I wonder what it is she wishes to see me about, but then there is only one way to know.  I shall invite her to Nakri to meet me.

I also wonder if Ishta has understood the message I sent her.   Assuming she even noticed.

 02-07-YC123

I wonder now if accepting Ishta and my brother was the right thing to do.  I am not sure what drives her exactly, but I am not entirely convinced of her motives.  I pray I am simply being paranoid, but what if this has been a goal all along?  Finding a route to power.  She speaks of wanting to make the Empire a better place, yet her method of making this happen is to rule by fear!  To use a clandestine force to eliminate those who do not conform to an idea of what Holder's should be.  Her idea!

She talked last night of intending to kill Danylo.  She seems not to care of the potential consequences, nor of fact that our families are trying to heal the age-old rivalry through more peaceful means.  Does she really believe I want to marry the man?  Of course I do not, but if it brings two noble families closer together then Nakri as a whole benefits.  I am not sure she cares for our home and our people.  Why would she?  It is not her home.  They are not her people.

She also thinks I hate her and do not want her here.  She asked if it was because of her past, or because she reminds me of Sirna.  I cannot deny the last is true, and, yes, that is painful.  Sometimes I wish she was Sirna. But she is not, she is nothing like Sirna.  Sirna would not want this path of bloodshed that could so easily bring ruin upon us if it were to go awry.

I wish Kolya had been born first.  He would be far better suited to being the head of this family.  I could pass over my birthright, I suppose.  Tell Mama and Papa that I relinquish what is mine and give it to my dear brother.  That may cause the Kovals to rethink and retract their proposal, though there would still be much for them to gain by it, even if I was not to inherit the House itself.

Is there another way?  There must be, but I cannot see it. Dear God, please, I pray to you, give me Your Guidance.  Show unto me the course I should take for the good of Nakri, my Motherland and Her People!  Eternal Empress, I beseech thee, give me a Sign as once you did, that I may not lose Hope!

Hope!

Nadezdha!

Thank you God, Thank you My Eternal Empress!